Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Checking in

It's been a while.  I haven't had anything to say, which is a good thing, but now I have a few things I want to write about.

Charro is away, which is fine.  I'm supposed to not be eating "sticks" for breakfast for the next two weeks.  So far that hasn't really happened.  There is one issue though, I ran out of "sticks" and I can't seem to find them in the stores.  (All-Bran cereal).  I know I shouldn't go out and try to find them and buy them, because I'll eat them, but I want my sticks.  There's clearly something that scares me about not eating the fiber.

I went back to PT yesterday because my back was acting up.  I love my PT and think she's so good at what she does.  So I'm laying on the table and she's pressing her hands against my hips.  I was thinking, "I wonder what she is thinking.  Is she thinking that my hipbones are sticking out or is she thinking nothing of the sort and only trying to figure out if they're aligned correctly (which they're not).  Then I was still on the table, doing an exercise and she put her hand right on my stomach and I said something about my fat stomach.  Then she had her hands on my rib cage, yep, those are crooked too, and I wondered what she was thinking about my ribs too.  Yes, all very disordered thoughts going on there, but more curious to know if she was thinking anything about my weight,

I hung out with my friend over the weekend, who I rarely see.  She was our athletic trainer and I used to go BS with her while she was taping people up.  We did a lot of talking and she said to me, "I worried about you overexercising and not eating enough when you were in high school.  I said, "Well I did both of those things."  She goes, "You know that's an eating disorder, right?"  I said, "Ya, I know."  She's all over the place with conversations and we probably got interrupted by someone, so that was the end of the conversation.  I would like to talk to her more about it, but I don't know when I'll see her again.

I'm writing all of this stuff down so I remember it for when Charro gets back.  

Wednesday, June 07, 2017

I just like...

So here's another classic Charro classic.  I thought she was going to call someone a douche bag, but instead she said dufus.  (Not sure how you spell that).  So I said, "I thought you were going to same something else."  She goes, "Douche bag?  I thought you thought I was going to say that.  I don't use that word.  I just like douches so I don't know why that's an insult.  I'M KIDDING!!  That's 90's, have you ever heard of a douche since the 80's?"  Oh dear, Charro.  Then she goes, "The word means shower in French, so that makes it even funnier."  I'm not sure how it makes it funnier, but who knows.

So I'm going to the office with the scale on Friday morning.  UGH!  I have not been there in 100 years and I hope to freaking God she doesn't weigh me.  She didn't mention having WIF, but that doesn't mean anything.  She may just surprise me, and it won't be a good surprise.  Maybe she just gave up and won't do it.  Lord help us.  She may or may not bring a breakfast challenge too, but I don't know.  I told her that she has to let me know!

Thursday, May 04, 2017

PT and ED

Charro thinks I should tell my physical therapist that I have an eating disorder.  Um, no.  That's not going to happen.  She thinks she should know.  I told her it's not going to change how she treats my injury.  Like I'm just going to slip that in there while she's got my body all twisted up in some crazy stretch..."Oh, by the way, I've had an eating disorder for 24 years."  Nope, not happening.  Charro wanted to know why I wouldn't tell her and I said "because it's embarrassing."  She wanted to know why I thought that.  I told her it was because it's something I can control and I don't want people to know about it.  It's not like some medical condition that I was diagnosed with that I have no control over.  Bottom line is that she doesn't need to know.  If she figures it out on her own, which she won't, and asks me, then I'll tell her, but until then, mum's the word.  She touches my body and grabs my ribs and hips every time I see her, so she knows what my body is like.  She grabbed my love handles one time and I wanted to die.   I did make a comment about my stomach once, about it being fat, and she was like "Ya right."  I'm sure she's figured out that I'm a little obsessive about working out, but I can't be 100 percent sure about that.

I love PT.  I feel so good when I leave.  I learn a lot too.  I wish I could keep going.  I was feeling great and then I had a little set back and now the pain is back.  I'm not in a ton of pain, which is good, but it's pretty constant if I'm sitting or walking.  Laying down seems to be okay.

So that's that.  I'm trying to figure out my life next week.  It might be a crazy week with lots of travel, but I'll know more tomorrow.  There are a lot of factors coming into play.

Friday, April 07, 2017

10 Years!

Yesterday marked 10 years with Charro.  I remember my first appointment.  I was scared to death.  My friend, who worked with Charro at the day treatment center, brought me.  I remember what I was wearing.  I remember what Charro was wearing.  I've come a long way since that day.

I wrote a poem recapping our 10 years.  It didn't have everything in it, or I'd still be writing it.  Oh, we were also in a new office yesterday, which is right next to the other office, in the same suite.  In the poem I made reference to her typing her hair in a knot and then said "will you ever settle down in one spot."  Well, she took that as me being pissed at her for changing offices all of the time and went onto say that we were in the other office for 7 years.  I was like, "Woah, I'm fine with this office."  Chill out sister.  (I've seen in her in 8 different offices, by the way).  I had also, jokingly, called her a "disaster" after she spilled something.  That didn't go over well either.  Dude, I've known you for 10 years and you can't tell when I'm kidding yet?  Those were the two examples that she gave me when I asked why she thought I was pissed at her.  I was like, "Seriously?!"  I don't know what the hell that was about, but it was bizarre.  I told her that she shouldn't read into everything so much.  Weird. I wrote her an email while I was on my way home saying how I don't know why she thought I was pissed at her, but I wasn't, and if I was I would tell her.

I have a hang nail that's driving me insane right now.  

I got cleared to run 1 mile last week.  Of course I ran two, twice and I think that didn't bother me at all, but when I decided to run faster than I should have, I think that did the damage.  I went to PT and for the first time, got a massage.  My PT didn't even want me to do any exercises.  When I walked in and she asked how I was I said, "In more pain than I was last time I saw you."  She said, "What did you do?"  Hmm.  My favorite was when she grabbed a bit above my love handles and was sort of shaking them and asking me if I felt that.  Well, I couldn't feel anything because I was so horrified by the fact that she had her hands on me there.  I wanted to die.  I refrained from saying anything about my fat and just let her try and fix my back.  So, I'm off the running, and doing just about everything but the elliptical.  UGH!!!  I can't stand it.  The worst part about the whole thing is that I'm not in a lot of pain at all, so I want to do things and feel like I can.  GRRR.

I have to go cut this hang nail now.

Monday, April 03, 2017

It's been a while

I haven't written in a while, so I figured I pop in and write something.  Let's see...I went on a vacation a few times.  Charro stopped weighing me. :).  I have an injury that's preventing me from doing a lot of the exercises that I do, which is driving me insane.  My PT just cleared me to run 1 mile, probably because he got sick of hearing me ask when I can run.  Anyway, so I ran 2 miles twice this weekend, before switching over to the elliptical.  Charro is changing offices again, but luckily for me, she's just moving offices in her suite.  That happens this week.  Speaking of this week, Thursday marks 10 years of me seeing Charro.  WHAT!!!??  That's insane.  Like, completely insane.  I'll probably have something to say about that later.

I've been traveling a lot, work and pleasure.  Doing it again today.  That's about it.  Nothing exciting here.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Where do we go from here?

Alright, so Charro suggested that we stop working on my ED.  She weighed me today and I had lost weight.  She said, "You clearly don't want to gain the weight so what are we doing here?  Maybe we should just stop talking about the ED and work on other things.  This is like malpractice on my part."  She then went on to say something about still being able to work with me because my weight is not below 90%, and as long as my labs keep coming back normal, she can continue to see me.  She said that's the she'll weigh me occasionally just to make sure that I don't drop below.  I was 3.5 pounds less than she wanted me to be, and then she said, that I was probably a pound less than that because of my clothes, but said that I can stay there if that's where I want to be.  So, we'll see what happens.

I wrote her a pretty extensive email with all of my thoughts.  I told her that she didn't have to read it because I would read it to her on Thursday, but if she wanted to read it and respond with some questions for me, I could have the answers for her when I see her on Thursday.  I'm guessing that she'll choose to just have me read it to her on Thursday.

So, that was my morning, in a nut shell.  We shall see what she says on Thursday.

Friday, February 10, 2017

The email resolved

It went from 62 degrees one day, to a 9 inch snow storm the next.  I came back from 83 degrees and now it's 29.  Yuck.  

I asked Charro about the email and she said that she never got it, which I knew was not the case because you can tell when someone with AOL reads your mail.  Then she did remember getting it and reading it but completely missed the part where I asked her if we could do a phone sesh.  I'm glad I asked because I knew she wouldn't have just blown me off.  She felt really bad about it, especially since she said she has tons of time on Tuesdays.  Oh well. 

She warned me that she's going to weigh me on Monday.  I'm glad she gives me a heads up.  I wish she'd just stop weighing me.  I said, "You forgot to weigh me last week."  She said that she's "spacing it out."  Um, okay. 

That's all.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

A bit annoyed

I emailed Charro yesterday morning and she never got back to me.  I know she's read the email, but she didn't respond, which is weird because I asked her a question.  She's usually good at responding, so maybe she thinks she sent me an email back or she had some big emergency or something.  I just think it's really weird that she didn't get back to, and like I said, I'm a bit annoyed by that.  I really don't think she'll get back to me at this point.  It would have taken her two seconds to respond so maybe she thinks she did.  Who the heck knows.

In other news, work put me on the wrong insurance plan and I thought they were going to be able to put me on the one that I asked for, but now the insurance company is telling them no.  I am going to be beyond pissed if that is the case because I will end up paying a crap load more money than I need to be paying.  I've already met my deductible so I'd be good to go with everything, on the plan I was supposed to have.  I will lose it if they can't fix this.  We've been working on it for 2 weeks now.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Lucked out

I have no idea how I got out of my sesh this morning without Charro weighing me.  She either forgot, which I find very hard to believe, especially since I won't be seeing her next Monday, or she just gave up on me and decided that there is no point in weighing me anyway, which would be nice!  I thought for sure she'd weigh me since I'm going away, but nope.  Weird.  Hmm, I definitely don't think she forgot.  It's one of those things where you want to ask but you don't because you don't want to remind the person that they may have forgotten something.  So, I just went with it.  No WIM today.  

I need to go to the grocery store because I have nothing good to eat.  I don't know what I want.  Nothing sounds good.  Chocolate sounds good. :)

My kitty is fat because she is lazy.  My other kitty is a nut bag and runs and jumps like a crazy animal.  He is not fat.  He bites everything too...I mean EVERYTHING.  My lampshade is the latest victim.  They think biting light bulbs (the little Christmas ones) is also a good idea.  It's not.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Fig cookies

I had a dream that I was having a sesh with Charro and there was another blogger in there with us.  I was sitting on the couch, the other person was next to me in a chair, to my left, and Charro was across the way.  Well, Charro thought it would be fun to keep feeding me throughout the sesh.  I can't remember what the first thing was that she made me eat, but the second thing was a big fig cookie, like the Italian ones at Christmas.  Funny, since she would never in a million years eat that because she hates dried fruit.  She was happily eating hers and I looked at her and probably said something about not wanting to eat it because she already made me eat something.  I'm sure she'll love this dream when I tell her on Monday.

Thursday, January 26, 2017


I'd never heard that one before.  Charro said she had FOMO during our sesh the other day.  I looked at her and asked what the heck that meant.  She said she's working with a lot of teens and they say it.  It stands for "fear of missing out."  I was like, "Ya, don't say that again."  She's apparently sad that she missed out on that dumb (Yes, I think it's dumb while many others disagree)  women's march.  That's all the politics I'll talk about on here.  I am SOOOO sick of hearing about politics and marches and seeing it blow up Facebook and Twitter.  Make it go away.  That's all.

Anyway, Charro needs to not use teeny bop lingo.  That was the point of this post.  She also says I need to gain weight and I told her I wouldn't, so we'll see how that transpires.  

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

That was traumatic

I was telling Charro about this burger joint I went to with some friends.  It's known for it's crazy milkshakes that are 15 bucks a pop.  (Black Tap, NYC if you want to check them out).  Anyway, I tagged along there with some friends, even though I'm not a burger person and I personally think the place is overrated, but I'm also not a 15 year old, and we all split shakes.  I had a few sips of the Brooklyn something (basically chocolate shake with brownies hanging off of the side).  I showed the picture I took to Charro and she was going on and on about how delicious it looked.  This is what she said, "Was it amazing?  And it had two brownies coming out of it?  That is my wet dream."  Um, wow, I didn't need to hear that coming out of her mouth.  I don't need to hear that coming out of any one's mouth.  She's such a nut.

My Monday time got changed to 8 AM, which blows. She loves it because "we can have WIM and tons of breakfasts."  Great.  We had WIM and she wouldn't let me put my boots on, which sucked, but I was fat and weighed enough so it was fine.  I need to not weigh that much.  

I took this crazy ass martial arts class last week, which was so intense and I almost died.  Turns out, it was not good for my head and I had a headache for 3 days straight after and felt concussion weird for a few more days.  Guess I won't do that again. :(