Saturday, July 02, 2016

Subway girl and dreams

I got on the subway and sat down, not paying any attention to who I was next to.  I was sitting there, tired and annoyed, when I heard weird chewing next to me.  I looked over and it was this extremely anorexic girl eating a Subway sandwich.  She chewed that tuna and veggie sandwich in such a strange, disordered way.  I didn't even have to see her to know she had an ED, I could just tell by her chewing and her way of eating.

At first I wasn't even sure it was a girl, because she was so bone thing and I couldn't really tell, but then I saw her finger nails and knew.  I felt bad for her.  I wondered if she was going to puke it up as soon as she got off of the train.  I wanted to stare, but that would have been awkward.

Last night I had a dream.  I think I had walked into Charro's office where she works at the outpatient clinic, but I'm not sure if that's where I was or not.  I was probably going to see her and while I was waiting for her, this other therapist approached me.  She told me to come in.  I think I knew her prior to this meeting, possibly from one of my friends who worked there or from seeing her there before when I went to see Charro.  Anyway, I went in and sat on the floor in between her desk and this other therapist's desk.  (They sat with their backs towards each other).  They both turned their chairs around to talk to me, although just the one to my right was talking, the other was just sitting there listening.  I saw this other girl come in and get weighed outside the cubicle, by another therapist, and the lady I was talking to said, "We're going to do that too."  I reached for my bottle of water and she pulled it away from me.  She wouldn't let me drink anything because she didn't want a false weight.  Ugh.  I was annoyed.  She started asking me questions and presenting me with things that I had said or done.  There were 10 different ones.  She pulled out one of my food logs.  It was circled in red and in red it said, "250 calories."  She showed it to me and said, "Look, see what you're eating?"  I said, "That was from 1994!! I eat more than that now."  I couldn't believe she was showing me something over 20 years old.  Then she said to me, "And you don't enjoy sex."  I laughed and said, "I've never, ever discussed sex with anyone, so I don't know where you came up with that one."  They were making all of this crap up and pulling stuff up from years ago to try and get me to go inpatient.  It wasn't working.  I was annoyed and kind of thought it was funny, and then I woke up.  I wonder how things ended.

I hate when I have people stay with me and their still sleeping and I can't turn on the TV or do the things I need to do before I leave here, which is in 30 minutes.

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