Thursday, May 12, 2016

B.I.B

I've got BIB...Body Image Blues.  I just made that one up and I like it.  It seems like I go through waves of hating my body and then being okay with it.  Right now I'm in the hating it stage so if you don't want to hear about it, don't read it.

There's nothing Charro can say to me that will get me out of feeling/thinking the way I do.  I'm unwilling to "challenge" my thoughts, so there is where I stay.  Part of me wants to be a little bit skeletal.  Not disgusting, by any means, but definitely more bony.  I want to run more and melt away the fat on my body.  Charro keeps telling me that I'm not fat, I've never been fat, and I'll never be fat, but that doesn't really matter to my brain.  I may not be "fat," but I'm not as skinny as I'd like to be.  I guess the difference between now and then is that now I don't really do anything to get there...aka starve myself.  I guess that's a good thing, even though sometimes I think it's not.  Sometimes I think I was much stronger when I didn't eat.  I could probably get into that more, but I have to walk out my door in 3 minutes.

2 comments:

E said...

Why are you so unwilling to challenge yourself on it? Do you like staying stuck? It's the hard choice to challenge thoughts, but it's the only way out.

PTC said...

I don't like telling myself things I don't believe, therefore I don't.