Thursday, October 22, 2015

Sad

It's been a while...

I had to put my little man to sleep on Friday.  It was so incredibly sad.  I knew the time was coming, I just didn't think it was going to be then.  I had to leave for a work trip right after that.  I just got back to my apartment last night and came back to all of his stuff.  I have yet to do anything with it.  I don't know what to do with it.  I'm going to get more cats, but not right now.  I'm going to foster some for a while, so I'll need all the stuff.  I miss him so much.  I've had him for over 18 years and my apartment is so lonely.  He is with his sister now.

I didn't sleep much the night I did it.  I kept having dreams about him.  I keep looking over at my bed thinking he's going to be there, but he's not. :(

My eating has been fine through all this.  Fine as is, I'm not eating as much as I should be but I'm not not eating.   I guess Charro wouldn't think it was "fine."  Thankfully she hasn't weighed me in a long time.  Let's hope she never brings a scale into her office.

Friday, October 09, 2015

4000th

I don't write much on here anymore.  I guess I don't have much to say about my ED, which is a good thing.  I'm still pissed that Charro thought I was faking my stomach bug.  She didn't think I was faking it so much, as I was riding it out, which was not the case at all.  I'm feeling all better now and eating.  I have to send her pictures of my meals though.

This might be my 4000th post.  I'm not sure, but I think it is.  That's nuts.

I'm sitting next to my little guy, who is not doing so well.  He's taking a bad turn over the past month and this week has started getting worse.  His kidneys are failing.  I can smell that his breath is getting worse too.  It stinks.  He is peeing outside of the litter box and doesn't move much at all, except to get a drink or go to his litter box.  His breath is really stinky, he just licked himself and I got a whiff of it.  It's gross.  He's wasting away and has no leg muscles and wobbles when he walks.  It's extremely sad.  He's still eating and grooming though.  My vet says that it's "not time" yet, but I think that time is getting closer.  I have to go away for work in a week and I will be leaving him with my parents.  Part of me hopes that something happens before then, so I don't have to worry about him while I'm gone.  I also feel bad leaving that responsibility with my parents.  He's on a lot of medications and I'm worried he'll pee in their house too.  It's so sad.  He's laying next to me and I just watch him all day.  I hate when I have to leave him.  I've had him for 18 1/2 years and he's been such a good boy.  I know I've been a wonderful cat mom.  Everyone tells me that.  I've been giving him fluids for 5 years, which has helped keep him alive, but now his kidneys have had enough, I think.  It's so hard to see him like this, but I know he's not ready to die just yet.  I couldn't do that to him right now because he's not there yet.  I feel like that would be cruel.

That's pretty much what I've been dealing with as of late.  Not sleeping much and just loving my time with him while I can.  

Wednesday, October 07, 2015

I got mad

When I saw Charro on Monday, she asked where my friend and I were going to go for lunch.  I told her that neither of us were really eating because we've been sick with the stomach bug.  She knew I didn't feel well when I was there on Thursday.  Anyway, we discussed how I hadn't been eating because I was sick.  She then stated how people only have the stomach bug for 48 hours and that I was fine now but it was the ED that was telling me that I wasn't.  Well, I got really pissed off at her because I know my body well enough to know when I'm sick and when I'm not.  I know that when I get the stomach bug it lasts 7 days.  I'm not actively sick for seven days but I have no appetite and feel nauseous for that amount of time.  I usually wake up on day 7 ravenous and ready to eat.  She was basically telling me that she didn't believe that I was still sick and that I was "riding on the coat tails of the ED."  I was so pissed that she didn't believe me.  She could tell I was mad and said, "I'll get an email from you later saying that you're pissed at me."  I said, "No you won't because I just told you that I'm pissed at you."  Later on, I finally said, "Ya, you're right.  I'm not sick at all, I'm just faking it."  I was so mad!

So, meal picture taking has been put back into place.  Needless to say, I did not take pictures of any of my meals because I didn't really have any meals until today.  I had a little over 1/2 veggie burrito for lunch on Monday and that was it, I was done for the day because my stomach hurt after that.  Yesterday I made soup for lunch and then just had a piece of chicken for dinner, so I had meals yesterday.  I'm sure tomorrow will be a fun sesh, but not as fun as next week when she is supposed to weigh me.  She told me she is going to weigh me next week because she's sure I lost weight while I was sick and that I need to be 104. Um, okay, I love how the number goes up each time.  Whatever.

Thursday, October 01, 2015

Not feeling so hot

Charro told me that I'm going to have to weigh myself soon so I can report back to her to make sure I haven't lost any weight.  Well, I think I have the stomach flu right now, so I'm not sure that doing that any time soon is a good idea.  I was nauseous all night last night and still am.  I didn't even eat breakfast before I went to go see her this morning and have barely eaten anything all day.  My stomach does not feel good at all.  I thought I was going to have to get out of bed last night to throw up, but I didn't.  I just don't feel good and I can't eat.  I just want to go to bed too.

My friend is in town and I feel bad because I did absolutely nothing today.  She went shopping while I went to teach aerobics, in which I did nothing but weights in because I didn't think bouncing around was going to feel so good.  I hope I feel better by Saturday when I have to teach two classes.

So, that's about it really.  My friend has been here since last Tuesday and doesn't leave until Wednesday.  I look forward to getting my space back.