Saturday, February 28, 2015

105

How did I forget to write about this yesterday, because that was my sole purpose for my post.  Charro wants me to get to 105.  That one fell out of thin air.  I was adamant and told her that I wouldn't go there.   It's not going to happen so I hope she doesn't push that one.  I refuse.  I could say a lot more about it but I won't.  

I still don't know if I'm going to take her up on the not weighing myself challenge.  My motivation kind of sucks.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Stupid phones

Today I asked Charro if we could be done with WIF.  Her response was "soon."  Soon?  Why not now?  I said, "Nothing happens when we don't have WIF."  She said, "Yes it does.  You lost weight last time we didn't have WIF."  Ugh. I hate WIF.

Charro wants me to stop weighing myself for the rest of Lent.  She told me to give her an answer on Monday.  I could do it if I wanted to, I've done it before, but I really don't want to.  There's no point.  It never changes anything.  I still go back to weighing myself.  

I was texting with my mom a little while ago, while listening to a blog talk radio thing on EDs.  Well, I accidentally sent her an audio text and you could hear the stupid radio show.  I wasn't talking.  I didn't even know I was sending an audio text.  I deleted it thinking that it wouldn't send, but it was too late.  It said that she had saved it.  Awesome.  I don't know how long the text was or what was said.  Hopefully she couldn't hear anything but the second I listened to it before I deleted it, it was pretty clear.  I'm an idiot!!!  God I hope that she doesn't listen to it.  I hate when things like this happen.  It makes me so mad at myself.

There ya go.  That's how it goes.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Sick of things

I'm supposed to be keeping a list of what I do that's "disordered."  I don't think much of what I do is disordered, but I have a feeling Charro would think otherwise.  She would not approve of my breakfasts, which haven't changed.  Let's face it, I haven't changed anything in a while.  Do I want to?  I don't know...maybe not.  I'm sure she's getting frustrated with me and sick of me because I'm unwilling to make any changes.  Bottom line is that I do not want to gain any weight.

I'm SO sick of WIF too.  It is beyond so pointless.  It's so stupid because I'm not changing anything.  My weight is the same all the time and if I lose a pound or two, who really cares, it doesn't matter.  I'm not going to die if I lose a pound.

I start coaching on Friday, which means I'll be walking an extra 2 miles 4 times per week.  I will be miserable standing outside, freezing my ass off, that's for sure.

That's all.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Broken Machine

I had an uneventful sesh with Charro today, probably because I didn't talk, probably because she made me mad on Friday.  We were supposed to have Italian hot chocolate but when I went to get it, the machine was out of order.  That damn machine is always out of order and we were both pissed about it.  We complained about that place for a few minutes and them moved on.  

She told me I sucked.  I was like, "Did you just say that I suck?"  She said, "Yes."  I said, "But when I said that I sucked on Friday you said, 'you don't suck.'  So now I suck?"  She said, "You don't suck, your eating disorder sucks and your eating sucks."  I agreed and said that my eating does suck a little.  

I told her we should give up WIF for Lent.  She asked me what I was giving up and I said "nothing" and she told me that I was a bad Catholic.  I said, "Well, I'm not Catholic (she knows that) so I don't have to give up anything."  We go through this every year.  She told me to give of my eating disorder.  She says that every year too.  I said, "We Protestant don't do Lent."


So that was my non-exciting sesh.  I think I'll go to bed soon.  I have a mini headache, probably from running.

Friday, February 13, 2015

A dozen

I had a stinky sesh with Charro this morning.  I hate the ones when you come out feeling worse than you did when you went it.  To top it off, my glove was not there. :(  Sad morning all around.  She was like, "It doesn't sound like you've been eating too well, and you were down last week.  What's going to happen this week?"  I got on the scale and she goes, "Magically you made it."  Hmm, yes.  She made me take my keys out of my pocket, so it wasn't the keys that got me there.

I went to the gym and got an email saying that I had a package.  I was SO excited to go get it, thinking it would be my new gloves and when I got back my doorman was like, "Who's sending you flowers?  I was like, "Flowers!!  Is it wrong that I'm disappointed because I thought it was my new gloves!?"  A dozen red roses from a guy I'm not interested in.  Great.  Very, very thoughtful but it's hard when it's someone you're not attracted to.  Oh well.

Charro gave me the old, "If you don't want to commit to eating more lecture, then we need to talk about something else."  I've gotten that before and it never works because she continues to weigh me.  If we're going to go that route, she needs to stop weighing me because it's counterproductive.  We'll see what Monday's sesh brings.  Oh, she goes, "If you were in our program you would've been (I said "fired"), no, moved up to a higher level."  Geez, all because I ate a yogurt with a little cereal in it and a grapefruit for breakfast.  I thought it was a decent breakfast.  Apparently it was not!  I wanted to say, "It's more than I usually eat, but I didn't."

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

That's not a lot

I'm missing life in the warm part of the country and it's only going to get colder here.  Yuck.  

Charro hasn't mentioned my heart rate monitor or Fitbit in my last two seshes.  I took my Fitbit off before I went into her office yesterday because I knew I'd be stripping down to short sleeves.  Good thing I remembered or that would have been confiscated.  I didn't think I'd get obsessed with it, but I think I have.  I guess I get obsessed when there are numbers involved and there are definitely numbers involved here.  I walked over 108,000 steps last week, which comes out to just under 45 miles.  I guess I should probably get rid of it but I don't want to.

I didn't lose a lot of weight while I was gone either.  The other day when Charro weighed me she said, "You lost a lot of weight."  Yesterday, when I asked her, she said I need to gain 1-2 lbs.  That's not a lot of weight at all.  

WIF on Friday.  Maybe my lost glove will be there.  I would be beyond so happy.

Friday, February 06, 2015

The Lost Glove :)

Apparently I lost weight while I was away.  Not only did I lose weight, which I really don't think I did, I lost my FAVORITE, WARM glove between Charro's office and the exit of the building.  I retraced my steps twice and it was NO where to be found.  I'm so pissed by this.  I know it's in the building somewhere, just not sure where.  I'm sure I'll never see it again. :(

Anyway, I stepped on the scale and she was like, "Oh, you lost a lot of weight."  I said, "I did?  That's impossible!  All I did was eat while I was away."  Charro said, "When the weather is warm we tend to be more active so you were probably more active."  I said, "Charro, I am in a horizontal position all day, lying out.  I am NOT more active."  She said I have to gain a few pounds by Friday.  Hmm, I don't think so.  I asked her how much I weigh and she wouldn't tell me.  She said, "I know you're going to visit Bertha when you go home anyway."  True, I will weigh myself when I go home.  Oh well, we shall see but I'm pretty sure that I didn't gain weight.