Friday, July 17, 2015

The Frappe

So Charro followed through and got me a caramel frappuccino.   I was not thrilled.  I was even less thrilled when she made me eat a vanilla scone with it.  Oh ya, the frappe had whipped cream on it too.  Shoot me!  I didn't finish it during our sesh, but finally did when I left.  Blah!  So, I NEVER have caffeine but I made her get my drink with caffeine because I figured it might help me burn more calories than the decaf.  Anyway, I think I was talking 500 mph by the end of our sesh.  My head felt weird for 6 hours after that too, which I'm pretty sure had nothing to do with my run there, but rather the caffeine.  I think I gained 50 pounds from it.

So here's my dilemma...I'll get weighed on Friday, and if I'm not up, I'm not really sure what will happen, but I don't think it's going to be good, but I go to the doctor the following Tuesday for a physical and I do not want to weigh more than 98 lbs when I go there.  I have to be 104 on Friday and 98 four days later.  Hmm, we'll see how that goes.  I definitely do not want to weigh more than 100 when I go to the doctor.  I wonder if she's going to ask me anything about my ED, since I told her about it last year, or if she won't even remember.  Should be interesting.  We'll have some concussion stuff to discuss, but not much else.

Charro was on vacation the rest of the week so I did not see her this morning.  I'll see her on Monday and then I go away for a few days and then I'll see her on Friday.

I need to go to the fruit man and to the grocery store but I don't feel like it so I probably won't go.  Oh well, there's always tomorrow. 


Laura said...

Today someone I know passed away from their eating disorder. Her weight was in the "normal" range according to BMI (i know, BMI is stupid), but they had just restricted for too long. Their labs were normal as of 3 days ago. Sometimes bodies just give out. It got me reflecting on all the people I know who are still in their eating disorder world - thinking about weight and calories. It's such a small world to live in. When I read your posts, I see that small world. I think when people have eating disorders for a while, they just get used to their world and think it's normal and fine. Needing to weigh this amount for Charro and that amount for your doctor and all the time spent stuck in this small world of weight and calories. I wish I could help you out of it. I know, I know... this is your blog where you write about this stuff so it's not a fair assessment of your life. You do have more to life than your weight. I do know that, and I believe that. Still, what is written on this blog actually happens in your head. I wish somehow I could turn down the ED in your head and make your world bigger and more full. I wish you fought for a bigger life for yourself. And maybe you do and I just am not seeing it. I don't mean to attack, and I hope it doesn't feel that way. Just wanting more for you is all...

PTC said...

Hey Laura,
I'm really sorry to hear about the person you know. That's sad. I hope you're doing well.

My ED is much better and I don't obsess like I used to, hence why I barely write on this blog anymore. I'm still stuck on weighing a certain amount, but I live a pretty normal life and eat what I want, for the most part. My life is pretty full, Charro always comments on my social life. Things are good. Of course I'm not disorder free, but it doesn't rule my life. Things are good. Just had 2 MRIs and an MRA to check out my head post concussion and all is good, so that's good too.

I hope things are going well for you.

Laura said...

I'm really glad to hear that you're doing much better. Did the MRI/MRA come back all clear?

I'm doing well! Still working as a therapist, still in school, still married, still enjoying life.... but the news is that I am pregnant with a baby boy :-D! Due in January.

PTC said...

Yep, everything came back normal!! Go back to the neuro for a follow up next week.

Congrats, that's exciting. You've come a long way in life. Are you living near your parents still?

Laura said...

So glad everything came back normal!!

Yeah, my husband and I live about 30 min from my parents / about 40 min from his parents. It's such an expensive part of the country though, so we're thinking in a few years we'll probably move away (probably not out of state - just more inland where the cost of living is cheaper, even if just slightly) to be able to afford a house that's also located in a good school district. Thanks for acknowledging how far I've come. I forget about that. My ED days / recovery community days seem like a whole different life. The details of that time are becoming forgotten almost.

PTC said...

I meant that you've come far socially. I'm sure a lot of that was ED related, but still, you've come a long way. Dating wasn't even a thought in your mind back then.

Nice that you guys are both not far from your parents.

I figured everything would be fine, but after 7 1/2 concussions I'm glad I had a good doctor who recommended the scans.

Laura said...

oh - well, yeah - good point - dating was a thought in my mind but i hated it and hated relationships. that's true. yes - way different in that category now. I kind of lump it all together as Life with e.d. and all that was associated with that time (living situation, dating situation included) vs. life without e.d. / now.