Saturday, July 19, 2014

Pushing ahead

Getting back into shape when I'm able to go full speed is going to be tough.  Maybe I should use this as a big challenge to really work hard to be where I want to be fitness wise.  It drives me insane that I'm losing (lost) my cardiovascular abilities so quickly.  It's killing me that I can't workout the way I want to, that I can't go running.  I hope I'm not afraid to try running in a few weeks because I'll be worried that I'm mess up my head again, like if it's not better yet.  I'm still having some symptoms, which is a problem.  They need to go away and go away soon.

I have a feeling that my trip is going to be harder than I thought it would be.  I would feel so much better if Charro would just let me have "sticks" while I'm there.  I researched cereals and haven't found one to replace my "sticks" yet.  I thought about bringing my cat's Miralax (yes, my cat gets Miralax), but I'm not sure what that would do to my system.  I need to find an equally high fiber cereal.  I guess I am afraid that I won't clean out my system without my "sticks."  They're just such a safe breakfast for me.

I wonder if the ED therapist who I'll be traveling with will pick up on my behaviors.  It should be interesting.  I know she won't say anything, but still, it will make me uncomfortable to know if she knows.  Actually, it will probably make me more uncomfortable to have no idea what she thinks about my eating.  I need to make sure I don't make any comments about exercise or food. 

Charro said I can email her or call her while I'm away.  I most likely won't call, if I'm freaking out, for a few reasons.  1. I won't ever be by myself in those 8 days.  2.  I wouldn't call her anyway because I'd feel bad.  I don't feel bad sending emails though.

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