Friday, March 14, 2014

Leaving on a good note

I had another good sesh with Charro.  I define "good" as me actually talking about stuff that has meaning.  It wasn't anything deep, just me trying to figure things out, which is good.  I'm not good at that and I'll probably clam up before I see her again next Friday, but hopefully not.  I hate that I feel like I always have a good sesh right before one of us goes away.  I wonder what that's about.

So Charro asked about my weight, if I had gained it back.  I said, "I gained back 1.5 lbs" and then she asked how much I weighed.  That's where I got caught in a lie.  I told her I weighed 99 lbs and she said, "So you got down to 97 lbs.  You told me a few weeks ago that you were 99."  Okay, so I clearly lied.  I didn't lie about how much weight I lost, I just lied about what my weight was.  See, she thought my starting weight was 102, but it was 98, which meant that I got down to 95.  She thought that I went from 102 to 99, I think, I don't remember if I told her how much I weighed when she asked a few weeks ago or if I just told her that I had lost 3 lbs.  Hmm, another reason why fibbing isn't good.  Anyway, she said she was going to weigh me next Friday and that I have to be at 101.  Then she changed that to 103.  She said I have to be that or she's not going to work with me.  Then she changed her mind and said that she wasn't going to "fire" me if I didn't weigh that, but she thinks it's in my best interest and that she's not going to have this struggle with me because it's my decision, and that she will continue to work with me.  I said, "You just contradicted yourself."  She said, "I know."  I feel so relieved that she's not going to "fire" me because of my weight.  That takes a lot of pressure off of me and I think it will allow us to work better together, not having that stress hanging over my head.  I wasn't gaining weight for me, I was doing it for her, so I wouldn't get fired.

So, of course, I thought about everything on my walk home and wrote her a huge, long email when I got home.  She responded, which was cool.  We'll talk more about stuff next Friday.  I just hope she doesn't change her mind about "firing" me again if I don't weigh a certain amount.  She did say that I have made progress and done a good job at changing my behaviors.  That's good.  So, that's that.  

I think I'm all packed.  I feel like I just kind of threw things into my suitcase and if I forget stuff, oh well, it's not like I can't buy it.  

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