Wednesday, January 29, 2014


That's the temperature differential that my body experienced yesterday.  I left my apartment and it felt like 1 degree.  I sat at the beach, where it was 81 degrees.  I'll take 81, thank you very much!!!  It is way better!

I feel fat because I see rolls and love handles.  I had a good run on the beach this morning, even though I feel fat.  Not that one has anything to do with the other.  I guess I need to run more so I can get rid of these love handles.  I have to say, 4 miles on the beach went by so fast.  It is way more fun to run on the beach than it is anywhere else.  I just watch the ocean, which was extremely calm today, and just run.  It's relaxing. 

Today is not a beach day.  It's raining and that means I'm pissed because I'm not getting tan.  Heading out to take care of some stuff though, which is good.  Get that out of the way while it's crappy.  There's a farmer's market about 30 miles away where I can get THE BEST fruit...10 grapefruit for one dollar, and it's SOOO good.  They have a ton of fruits and veggies and everything so so good.

Now, I shall start a puzzle for night time and rainy days.

Monday, January 27, 2014


I cannot wait to get on this airplane and get out of the North Pole!  The beach is calling my name.  I need to repack my suitcase and take a few things out.

I feel so bad leaving my cat.  I don't know if that's normal.  Maybe I should talk to Charro about that. :)

Speaking of Charro, we discussed the heart rate monitor situation for most of the sesh today.  I think we decided that I don't really think it's a problem, therefore I have no motivation to change, aka stop wearing it. Honestly, I don't think it's a problem.  How is it really a problem.  I just wear it.  Sure, I freak out if it doesn't work, which is when I realize that I'm totally obsessed with it.  I guess being obsessed with it is a problem, but it doesn't really seem like a problem.  I'm sure she's going to try and convince me to give that up for Lent.  I love how I'm not even Catholic and she has me give something up for Lent.  We Protestants don't do Lent.  It will be interesting to see where we pick up with things when I see her next week.  Of course she told me not to get too much sun, because she knows I'm tanorexic.  Seriously, I have a tanning problem.  It's bad, but I love the sun and how it feels.

Okay, I need to repack.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Stayed in

I didn't leave my apartment today.  I just couldn't bare putting on 97 layers of clothes to go to the gym.  So, I was a lazy ass and did nothing.  I cleaned and sort of packed, and that was about it.  One more day of this crap until I'm in the warmth!  Thank God, I am about to go crazy.

Oh crap, I totally forgot I have to do a pros and cons list for Charro for tomorrow.  Shiites, I have nothing to write.  I guess I should stop and think for a bit.  I hate pros and cons lists.  I write about two for each side and then I'm done.  That's not going to fly.

I'd like my hamstring to get better but it is just getting worse.  Stupid muscle.  I did some stretching earlier, but I guess I'll do some more.  

I guess I should get to it...while I sort of watch the Grammy's, until some bad singer comes on and I turn Seinfeld back on.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Enough with this cold

Charro didn't go into work today.  I woke up to an email from her, and let me say, I was not disappointed to find out that I did NOT have to go outside in the goose egg temperatures.  We did have a phone sesh, which was fine.  I got to sit on my couch with my cat.

So Charro wants me to make the dreaded pros and cons list for why I need my heart rate monitor.  She wants me to think about giving it to her when I see her on Monday.  I know I probably should, but I don't think I can.  I will especially need it next week while I'm running on the beach.  Maybe I'll tell her that I need to keep it and just try working out without it one time and see how that goes, but not until after my trip.  Let's see if she'll go for that.  I don't know if I can do it.  I don't have high hopes.

I have to go outside one more time today, and I'm not looking forward to it.  A bunch of people are going out tonight, but I'm staying in.  I can't handle the cold.  I have stuff I need to get done in my apartment anyway.  I can't remember when we've ever had a stretch of cold like this for this long.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

So over it

I'm done!!  I over this cold weather.  I can NOT take it anymore.  It's awful and it's never ending.  Thank the Lord that I'm going away next week.  Please, oh please let it be hot there!!!  I'm going to cry if it's not.  I just want to run on the beach, collect shells, go boating, and lay out.  All I ask for is sunshine and warmth.  That's all.

I came back to my apartment and there was weird white stuff all over the floor.  I have no idea what it was.  It looked like paint.  My cat didn't step in anything because there were no paw prints.  My friend obviously stepped in it because her shoe prints were all over the place.  Mystery substance.  Yuck.

One of my co-workers made a weird comment to me today.  He's really tall, like 6'4" maybe, and I'm all of 5 feet, so he always comments about how little I am.  Today was weird though.  He was standing next to me and said he never noticed how little I am and said, "Didn't you use to be taller?  You look short and skinny." He then asked me if I was feeling okay and told me to stand up tall.  It was weird.  I think my posture wasn't great at the moment, and the sweater I was wearing makes me look weird because it's a turtle neck sweater.  Anyway, it was weird.

Everyone if my office is going away this month.  One went to Mexico, another's going to Arizona, I'm going to Florida...possibly the Bahamas for the Keys from there.  My boss has his own plane and if he's down there while I'm down there he said he'd fly me somewhere.  That would be sweet.  I've flown with him several times and I trust him.

The snow was so pretty, but it can be summer now.

I weighed myself while I was home.  I wasn't supposed to, but I did.  I'm supposed to have a different breakfast, I mean bagel, this week, but that's not happening.  I don't have milk for my cereal tomorrow, which is sad, so I'll have yogurt because I'm sure as hell not making a special trip outside to get milk.  That will be my "different" breakfast.  Charro's not really going to go for that but whatever.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Here we snow again

We're supposed to get about a foot of snow.  I don't really see how that's possible, given that it's 18 degrees and the flakes are incredibly small.  I was going to swing by my office, but the roads are getting a bit slick, so I thought I'd come home instead.  I think I'll do a puzzle later.

Charro said that I need to not weigh myself this week, and eat a bagel for breakfast.  Well, I don't really think either of those things are going to happen, if I'm being honest.  If I don't weigh myself today, I won't get to weigh myself for another three weeks.  I'm sure the world will not end, but I still want to weigh myself.

I'll have to start packing for my trip this weekend.  YAY!!  Enough said.

To the DB who commented on my post last night and then quickly deleted her profile...Grow some balls!  :)  I have a very fulfilling life, but choose to keep that all out of the blog world for privacy reasons.  It sounds like you, however, do not.  Good day. :)

Monday, January 20, 2014


This is the number of posts I've done.  That's nuts.

I totally wasted time during my sesh today.  I didn't talk about anything.  I got the annoying eating disordered friend thing off of my chest and then what was about it.  I have a friend who drives me insane talking about her ED.  I've told her several times to stop emailing me about her running and ED stuff, but she continues to do so.  I can't take it.

I'm wiped.  I started walking to Charro's today but then my body was just so tired.  I hope I'm not getting sick.  Everyone around me has been sick so let's hope that's not why I feel like I ran a marathon, when in all actuality, I did absolutely nothing yesterday.  I can't wait to go to bed.

I met friends for lunch today and that was a good time.  The owner of the restaurant, who is from Italy, kept calling me Lucia.  I think she thinks that's my name for some reason.  I went with it.  Funny, because I really like that name and have thought about naming my daughter, if I ever have one, that.  So, I had a big lunch and now I don't need dinner.

I have a headache.  I hope it's a pms headache.  For once I'd actually like to get that thing here early because I'm going away next week and don't want to deal with that.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

No gym and fine

I didn't go to the gym this morning and I'm totally fine with that.  I had no intentions of going when I woke up this morning.  It's a good thing I didn't because my friend called me and needed to vent, so I met her for breakfast.  Well, I had tea because I had already eaten breakfast.  Ha, she is calling me now...more friend drama for her.  My phones are going crazy today.  Ha.

I filled in for an instructor yesterday and taught the class after mine.  A guy teaches it and a lot of guys take it so I knew I had to make it extra hard.  I just got an email from one of the guys saying how much he enjoyed class and how he's sore.  Mission accomplished.  Yay!  That made me feel good.

Maybe I should eat lunch now.  I cleaned and am listening to my sesh from Friday.  I told Charro that I could never not eat like I use to.  I told her that I don't have the will power to starve myself like I did.  She said, "That's not will power."  I disagree...I don't think it's positive will power, but I do think it's really hard to not eat when you're starving and all you think about is food and what you can't eat.  It's hard to not eat.  She disagrees, but I think it is hard.  I can't imagine being that way now.

Someday maybe my hamstring will heal.  

Soup time!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Brain fights about the gym

I might day the day off from the gym tomorrow, I haven't quite figured it out.  My legs were a bit tired going into today and then I taught two classes.  I think they're okay now, but maybe I can skip the gym tomorrow. Hmm, we'll see what kind of mental state I'm in tomorrow when I am sitting in my couch thinking, I really don't want to go to the gym, but I should go.  I'm going to feel really guilty if I don't go.  I should go, but I worked out for a while yesterday and walked a lot of Friday, so it's okay for me to miss a day...but I should go.  The dreadful brain fight.  Maybe some day it will end.

There is nothing on TV.  I should really clean my apartment.  I don't feel like it.  I was supposed to babysit tonight but now I'm babysitting tomorrow night instead.  That's about it.  It's cold and gray out so staying in is fine.  It's going to be 18 degrees on Wednesday.  I'm not okay with that!!

Friday, January 17, 2014

Falling off shoulders

My shoulders feel like they're going to fall off.  I walked almost 20 blocks with groceries last night and I'm feeling it in my shoulders.

Last night I realized that when I use to eat, I didn't really eat.  I ate air, for the most part...rice cakes, puffed rice, celery.  I ate anything that barely had calories.  I'd dip stuff in salsa to make it have some sort of flavor.  That was my life.  How I wasn't a skeleton, I don't know.

I eat better now...not wonderful, but better.

My friend wants me to go over and hang out while she and my other friend eat and watch movies.  I don't really feel like walking 20 blocks up there and 20 blocks back.  I have to go back up there tomorrow to teach class and I was up there last night.  I've already walked 80 blocks today, which sounds like a lot, but it's only 4 miles.  I don't really feel like walking another 2 miles, but maybe I will.  I have to teach two classes tomorrow morning, which will be fine, but I will be bored.  I have to think of new things to do.

I'm making soup right now and it doesn't have much flavor.  I would have put white wine in there but I don't have any, since I don't drink.  Ha.

I need a massage.

My sesh was okay today.  Charro wanted to talk about my high school years.  I didn't have much to say.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

This weather stinks

There's probably something that I should be doing right now, but I'm not.  How's that working out for me?  I guess we'll find out.

It's going to get VERY cold again next week.  UGH!  I'm so over it.  It better NOT be cold when I go to Florida.  It needs to be sunny and hot.

I need to do my toe exercises.  I wonder when they're actually going to start helping my toe.  Right now they're just making it swell more.  Oh well.

I hope I don't get WIFfed tomorrow.  Blah.  I'm sure she's going to weigh me soon, either this week or next week, since I'll be away for a week after that.  We shall see.  If she doesn't weigh me before, she'll weigh me when I get back, for sure.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Lots of fluids

It's funny how I'll come off of a good sesh like Monday's and feel like I have nothing to talk about for my sesh on Friday.  How does that happen?

I'm a little bit hungry but I just took medicine and I have to take it on an empty stomach, so no food for me.

I took my nephews out for dinner tonight, which was great.  I don't get to have them to myself all that much.  I see them a lot, but it was nice to take them out so the three of us could hang out.

My almost 17 year old cat has kidney disease.  I just gave him 200 mL of fluids and he's still drinking my water and his water.  That worries me a lot.  His water bowl was half empty when I got home tonight too.  Not good.  I wonder if my friend filled it.  I must ask.

I would like the hamstring that I pulled 6 months ago to get better, but I think it's actually just getting a little worse.  Its' not bad at all, but I feel it.  Oh well.  It will get better when I'm 100 and no longer walking.

Time for bed.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Very productive sesh

I had a really good sesh with Charro today.  I ran there, and the brisk air felt kind of nice, if I actually do admit that.  When I got to the park near her office, there was a guy playing the piano.  I stretched to that.  I didn't have any money to give him so I just went up and talked to him and told him how much I enjoyed listening to him.  I've seen him in there before.  He's actually kind of cute.  I might have to look for him again next Monday, maybe looking a little nicer than I did today.  I almost got up to sing with him but I didn't know the words to the song he was playing.  He was really good.  I will google him.

Anyway, I wore my leggings...and two very long shirts.  Charro told me that I wasn't supposed to wear a "tent" over the leggings, but a short shirt.  She told me to take my t-shirt off and I said no way, because I was wearing a very tight underarmor long sleeve shirt.  She said it would be good for me to sit there in just my leggings and that tight shirt.  I said "No way!  Then you will see all of my rolls."  She said, "So what?"  I said, "I don't want to see my rolls, so I definitely don't want you to see them."  She's like "What do you think I'm going to do, judge you?"  Anyway, I ended up taking off my t-shirt in the end, with like 20 minutes left, and I wanted to die.  I felt so naked sitting there in my (basically) body suit.  It was awful.  She told me that I should go outside like that, then she realized that I would freeze.  I said, "Would you get on a train like this?" She said, "Yes."  She thought I'd get some good attention from guys.  I said, "They won't know if I'm walking forward or backward.  They'll think my head is on backwards." (referring to the fact that I have no boobs).  She said, "Stop, that's sad."  I'm like, "At least I can make fun of myself."

I was pretty honest with her today, talking about stuff that I thought over the weekend and then pretty much telling her that my eating kind of sucks.  She mentioned doing food logs again but I was like "no."  She didn't say that I had to do them, but I wouldn't be surprised if that gets reinstated sometime soon.  That will really suck.  I won't be surprised if she weighs me on Friday.  She said I had to wear a tight fitting shirt and pants on Friday.  I said, "I'm going to wear my WIF jeans."  She said, "You better not."  She told me that I really have to start wearing clothes that fit me.

Charro was talking about how she had a busy next few hours and if she didn't plan for lunch she wouldn't eat.  She said, "I have to travel...and have 50 million things to do."  I said, "You're not wearing jeans."  (It's a joke about how she wears jeans when she flies."  I pointed and said, "You're office neighbor is wearing jeans."  Charro said that she doesn't think that's innapropriate attire.  I agreed with her, then she said how it was nice, when she use to go to a male therapist to see him in a suit all the time.  I asked her if it was weird talking to a guy and she said that she liked it.  She said, "I'm going to send you to a guy next time I go away. Although, I don't think I'll have any more maternity leaves."  That's good to know!  I didn't think she'd have more kids anyway.

So, it was a very productive sesh.  Let's hope I don't clam up for our sesh on Friday.

And so I'll run

I pretty much decided last night that I was going to run to my sesh today.  It's cold and I don't want to, but I also don't want to go to the gym and I don't have time to go to the gym at this point, unless I went after I see Charro, which would not happen.  So, it looks like I'm going to be running to my sesh.  Hopefully it will warm up a little by then.

I've been doing my toe exercises for my "strained tendon" and now my toe is more swollen.  Hmmm, not quite sure that that should be happening, but whatever.  I'll keep doing it.

I'm not sure why my cats pukes around 5 AM all the time.  I'm glad I was able to find his puke today, because sometimes I can't find it because it's clear.  He's been so snuggly and cute.  Love my bugs.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

The Food Thing

I'm having a nice, lazy Sunday.  Went to the gym and now I'm cleaning and watching The Brady Bunch.  I'm excited because The Love Boat comes on at 2 PM.  I just had the second half of my sandwich from lunch yesterday, but I'm still hungry.  I don't know what to eat.  I need a personal chef.  That would make life so much easier.

Eating is hard for me because I never know what to make or eat.  Lots of times I can't figure out what I want, or I don't really have anything good to eat, so I just don't really eat, which clearly poses a problem.  I think lately I've been falling back into the not eating thing because it's not here.  I'll eat if I have food, usually.

Yesterday I went out to lunch with a friend.  I was so full that I didn't eat dinner.  I had a sort of dinner later on at night, but I'm thinking Charro would not call it dinner, which is why I call it a sort of dinner.  I chose not   to eat, I guess.  I wasn't really hungry at dinner time and I was babysitting.  If I had dinner plans and was out with friends, I still wouldn't have been hungry but I would have ordered something and eaten some of it.  I was aware of my choice to not eat, I guess.  It's also hard right now because I'm taking anti-biotics and I have to take them on an empty stomach.  I take them at night and I have to take them 2-3 hours after eating and then wait an hour to eat again, if I get hungry.  That's the deal with that.

I've got issues, is what it really boils down to.  I need to eat something else right now but I'm not sure what.  I guess I should go look in my kitchen and see what there is.  I don't have eggs, that I know.

Friday, January 10, 2014

I wonder if Charro knows how much I weigh by looking at me.  I know she doesn't pay much attention to how people look, but when I was this weight a few years ago she said I "didn't look good."  Granted when I was this weight a few years ago, I was dealing with undiagnosed colitis, so I had some stuff going on physically, but my weight was the same.  I guess that maybe I have more nutrients in me, so I look healthier??  I don't really know, but that could be it.  I am pretty sure that she doesn't think I look bad now, although in my birthday picture last month she said I looked "ghastly," but when I said, "just in the picture," she responded with "Just in the picture."  I know she thinks I look thin, but I guess not sick, which is good.  I just hate this whole getting weighed thing.

With that said, Charro did not weigh me today.  I was ready for it.  I guess there's next week.  Ugh.  She really wants to figure out what's "behind" my ED and I'm not very helpful at helping her help me figure that out. I just have no clue.  I don't think I have low self-esteem, but maybe I don't like myself as much as I think I do.  I really have no clue.

I need to do my toe exercises.

Thursday, January 09, 2014

No boot for me

My toe is not broken.  NO boot for me.  Charro will probably be slightly disappointed when I walk into her office tomorrow and am wearing my normal shoes.  The doctor gave me some exercises to do, two of them to be exact, and I can't remember the first one he told me to do.  I don't know if I'm supposed to push my toe forward or backward.  Oh dear.  Really, I couldn't remember 2 simple things.  That's a bit sad.  I still don't understand how this can be a tendon injury because when I touch a certain spot it hurts like a knife being stabbed into my toe.  I guess he's the doctor though so I'll go with it for a while.

I just got really tired all of a sudden.  Weird.

Ugh, I have to worry that Charro will weigh me tomorrow.  I hate Friday's and WIF. 

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Injuries and such

It's hot today...17 degrees.  Yesterday it was -18 with the wind chill, when I walked to the train.  Brr.  I hate it.

Tomorrow is toe doctor day.  Now I'm convinced that my toe is fine and it's something stupid.  I hope that's the case, although I'd rather not look stupid.  I guess I'll find out in a day.

Last night some girl stepped on my foot/ankle while we were playing field hockey, so that's a little sore today.  It's like the back of my ankle and sort of up my calf, so I think it's more muscular than anything, like it go strained from going in the wrong direction while being stepped one.

Another girl, a high school girl was unconscious for over 2 hours after she collided with some girl.  Apparently they didn't even hit hard.  Both got up, then the one girl took a few steps and went down.  She was out for over 2 hours.  CT scan and all tests came back normal.  How freaking scary is that.  They'll probably release her from the hospital today.

I hope Charro doesn't weigh me on Friday.  I really hate this WIF business.  I couldn't have my "sticks" for breakfast today because we didn't have any at the house.  That was weird but I got through it.

I guess I should probably eat lunch because I have to leave in 25 minutes.  Looks like it's going to be a yogurt.  That's fun, but I'm not really hungry so no real need to eat too much.  Charro would most definitely disagree.

I feel like I have a lot to talk to Charro about on Friday.  I should probably write stuff down so I remember it.  

Monday, January 06, 2014

Charro and the boot

So I was discussing my toe problem with Charro today and told her that I'm going to the doctor on Thursday to get it checked out.  My research suggests that it might be a stress fracture.  I've read that you can wear nothing for it, or get put in a boot.  So, I told Charro I'd freak if I was put in a boot.  Oh yeah, sometimes the bone (if it's what I think it is) has to be surgically removed.  So Charro said, "It would be really good if you had to wear a boot."  Thanks Charro.  She thinks it would be the best thing for me, psychologically.  I say no way to that.  She said that she'd love it if I had to wear a boot.  I don't think that would be so great.  Hopefully I will not and I can be free.  I'll find out on Thursday, I guess.  Oh, I also said, "I start playing field hockey tomorrow, so if I do get put in a boot, I'm taking it off to play on Tuesday nights."  Oh, she loved that one.  

I wonder if she'll weigh me on Friday.  I hate that I never know when she's going to do it.  Oooh, if I have a boot on, that will weigh a lot, which will work in my favor.  Haha.  That would be the ONLY good thing about the boot.

Sunday, January 05, 2014

Ugh, Winter

It's quite a dreary day out there.  Rainy and balmy...35 degrees...which compared to what it was the past few days and what it's going to be on Tuesday (13 degrees for the high, feeling like -15) it's warm.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and he said something about my age, thinking I was 20-something.  When I said I was 36 he said, "You look a lot younger because you're so thin."  Charro loved hearing that one.  Of course she went to the, "You really need to tell him that you have an ED."  I said, "Nah, he doesn't need to know."  She said, "He's your GI doctor, he needs to know!"  Nah.

So my toe is swollen and hurts more.  Guess it's a good thing that I'm going to the doctor this week.  Crapbags, if it's a stress fracture and I need to be booted up, I am not going to happy, and that's an understatement.  I might have a breakdown.

Saturday, January 04, 2014

Putting away Christmas

My toe is swollen.  Good thing I'm going to the doctor on Thursday.  Might be a stress fracture.

My apartment is in complete disarray.  I need to put away the rest of my Christmas stuff.  Yesterday I tackled the tree, which caused quite a mess all over the place, including the lobby.  I made soup yesterday too.  I will have that for lunch.

I bought a few more Christmas things on sale at the drug store on my way home from class this morning.  I love sales.  I got a cute little snowman and Santa.  I love them.

I have to give my cat his meds.  I don't want to.  I guess I need to get on it though.  I hope I have treats for him.

It's sad to take down Christmas.  My apartment smells weird, unless someone is cooking something stinky and it's smelling up my apartment. 

I guess I should get up off of my ass and get some stuff done.

Friday, January 03, 2014

Nope, I didn't

So at 9:15 I got an email from Charro saying, "Hi, so sorry for the late email.  The office is closed today.  Do you want to do a phone sesh?"  Well, as I was responding, my phone rang and it was Charro.  I was like "Hello?"  Apparently she was waiting for me to call her at 9 AM but thought it was strange that she hadn't heard from me.  Then she realized that she forgot to send me the email that they typed up to me at 8 AM asking me if I wanted to do a phone sesh.  We laughed.  I said, "I thought it was strange that I hadn't heard from you."  She said, "And I thought it was strange that I hadn't heard from you and then I checked my email and realized that I had never sent the email to you."  So we had an impromptu phone sesh.  I was hoping for a skype sesh but she was not prepared for that.

I'm going to have to get myself geared up to go to the gym.  BRRRR!  Good thing is, I have all day to go.

Did I blow her off?

I didn't hear from Charro this morning, but I'm assuming that our sesh is canceled because of the weather.  It's odd that I didn't hear from her though.  That's not like her.  I'm on my couch in my pjs and it's 10 degrees outside, but it feels like -9, so I'm happy I'm not walking to my sesh.  I will have to venture out to go to the gym though.  It's just weird that Charro didn't email me.

I have to take my tree down today.  That will not be fun, taking off the lights.  My poor tree is soooo dead.

I'm so bummed that I'm not home to shovel the driveway.  I love shoving the driveway.  It's such a good workout.

I need to turn my heat up a little.

Wednesday, January 01, 2014


Happy New Year!

I had the best New Year's Eve of my life.  I spent it with ALL of my family.  It was great.  I forgot it was New Year's Eve because we were celebrating my mom's birthday.  I don't like New Year's Eve.

Alright, I'm done not weighing myself.  I was going to wait until tomorrow to do it, but I think I have to do it now.  I can't wait any longer.  I have a feeling that I'll weigh 4 million pounds more and I'm going to freak.  I know that's why I shouldn't weigh myself, but I must.  Charro's going to be disappointed.  Oh well, I can't help that.

I'm going to weigh myself and then make some tea.

That worked out.  I just went upstairs to weigh myself.  I didn't take off my clothes, but with the stuff I have on, I still weigh a good number, so that's all I really needed to know.  In the process of going int,o my bathroom to weigh myself, I found the earring I lost yesterday.  YAY!!  See, it all worked out really well.  :)  Yay.