Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Hi Bertha!

Brilliant me realized this morning that the term "beet red" came from the vegetable.  Duh!  I had written "Beat red" as my title for my last post and it wasn't until this morning when I was laying in bed did I realize it was because of the color or beets.  Interesting.

I had a nice day at home.  I worked and then hung out with my mom.  My parents were in the yard doing yard work and I joined them, in my bikini of course, and helped weed the garden.  I enjoyed it.  I was laying out but I got bored, which is why I got up to help.  My had had something to go to tonight so my mom and I went out to dinner together, which was also nice.  It was nice to spend time with my mom after not seeing my parents (for more than like 5 hours) since early February.

I weighed myself on Bertha.  Oh Bertha, how I love thee.  I don't know when I last weighed myself at home.  That's the best scale.  Clearly I'm weighing myself more than once a week these days, perhaps I should tell Charro that one, since she thinks I'm only weighing myself once a week.  Speaking of weighing, I wonder if she's going to WIF me on Friday.  I'll be ready.  Summer is totally going to suck and she's going to be on my case about my weight because she's going to see that I'm not at the weight she thinks I am at.  Oh well, I'll deal with that soon.

Oh, so Charro is going home to Italy for 2 weeks this summer.  I would usually freak out about that but now it's kind of nice, especially in the summer because I can spend more time at home, in the pool.  So, it will be good.  She's only missing 1 Monday.  She use to go for three weeks but I guess since she went for 2 weeks at Christmas she's only doing 2 weeks this summer.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Beet red

I know I had stuff to write about regarding my sesh today, but now I can't remember what it was.  Seriously, am I that forgetful?  I punched myself in the lip and gave myself a fat, slightly (very little) bloody lip during my sesh.  That was pretty funny.  I should have made a joke about self harm.  I don't even remember what I was doing whenI punched myself in the lip. 

Charro was asking me about the guy I've been seeing.  I don't really say much.  I'm like that with my friends too, I don't talk about my relationships and stuff.  So, she asked me if I'd kissed him yet.  Well, I turned bright red, which she pointed out to me.  I then put my jacket over my face.  I said, "I don't talk about these things."  She goes, "It's me, I'm not your mother."  I said, "I don't talk about it with my friends either."  Then she said something about sexual feelings or something.  Please, can we change the subject.  I started to talk about something else and she goes, "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."  Thank you, new topic.  I'd rather talk about eating disorders.

Crap, I have to get ready to go.  It's raining and I have to go to practice.  I sort of have to leave right from practice to get on a train to get home and go to a work wake, but I don't know what to wear and how to go about all of that.  This is complicated.

Oh, I made a comment about how comfy my cargo pants were and Charro goes, "Lots of pockets to put things in."  I said, "Yes, so I'll be wearing these on Friday."  Ha :)

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Me Day

I deemed today, as I was lying on my roof, a "me day."  I like that.  It was all about me today.  I encountered some problems along the way.  While trying to paint my nails, I came upon a problem, I couldn't open my nail polish.  I tried everything, soaking it in nail polish remover, hot water, cold water, using pliers, using that little grippy can opener thing.  Nothing worked.  I was sad because I couldn't open it and paint my nails that lovely shade of green. :(

I had a cold sore or zit right above my lip, I'm not sure which one it is, but I'm thinking it's a cold sore forming.

I might make some tea.

I saw my fat stomach while I was teaching aerobics today.  I need to get rid of it.  It's disgusting.  I'm not sure if I should bother bringing that up with Charro tomorrow because she say that our bodies need fat, it's skin and not fat, and I have to stop talking to myself that way.  Well, let's be honest here people, it's fat and I don't like it and I'm going to get rid of it by running it off.  That's the end of that story.

My cat is doing a flippy on my bed and is cute.  The other one is sleeping all curled up next to me.  I need to go kiss flippies belly.  Okay, done.

Fat reduction training starts this week.  I'm upping my running, now that I think I'm all better, and so it goes.

Just laying around

I plan on doing nothing all day!  Well, after I teach aerobics.  It's going to be gorgeous out and I love it!!  I'm going to head right up to my roof and lay there for a few hours and that will be my day.  I'll clean a bit after that, but I don't want to be with any friends, I just want to go to my roof and lay there by myself.  Well, maybe I'll see if one of my friends wants to join me.  She probably will have stuff going on, but I'll see.

I feel like I need to pop my hip or something, I'm not really sure.  I have to leave in an hour and I haven't done anything to get ready, nor do I want to.

Hopefully this week I will get my butt into shape.  I'm still a little stuffed up and my energy level isn't back 100%, but I'm going to workout hard and get into some serious shape.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Well I was ready

I was so ready for WIF today, but it didn't happen.   The scale is still not fixed.  Apparently the guy is coming next week.  Charro goes, "I know you're all ready for WIF, wearing your WIF jeans and all, but we're not going to do it today.  I'm going to do it when you least expect it."  Um, okay, let's face it, she'll probably weigh  me next week.  I know she's a little concerned (maybe) about my eating, since I've been sick and stuff, which is why I think she'll check in and weigh  me next week.  I told her that I talked to the scale repair man and told him not to come.

I had stuff to talk about today, which was good.  I did NOT want to get out of bed this morning.  All I want to do is sleep, with this dumb cold, so when I had to wake up, I was not happy.  I was hoping that I would have gotten an email from her saying she had to cancel.  It was good that I didn't though because I did need to talk to her about stuff.

I don't know why I can't shake this cold.  It's definitely getting better but I'm still wiped.  Charro keeps telling me to rest, which I have been doing.  When she asked me how my eating has been I answered with, "I've been eating my pineapple."  I'm not sure what kind of answer that is, nor was she.  She was like, "Are you eating other things too?"  Yes, but I didn't have dinner last night and I failed to mention that.  I'm making dinner tonight.  I think I'm not a good judge of how I'm really eating, if that makes sense.  I know this week hasn't been as good as past weeks.  Oh well.  I'm hungry now, which I guess is really all that matters.  (that means I'll eat something).

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

That might have been a bad idea

I made lowfat brownies last night, you know the kind where you just add water?  Well, I had some before dinner and now I don't want the dinner I made.  I took a shower after cooking and felt like I was going to throw while I was in the shower.  I guess eating sugar on and empty stomach isn't the best idea.  (Charro keeps telling me that I have to stop saying "throw" because it's disordered talk and I shouldn't say it).  I've been saying "throw" a lot lately.  (short for throw up).  I know I should eat dinner, and I probably will, just not right now.

I ran with my team today, but it was only less than 2 miles because they can't run more than that.  I thought I was going to choke on my phlegm, but I didn't.  I hope by Friday I'll feel 100 percent better and can really start working out.  I need to run, run, run!!!  I need to get rid of the fat roll on my stomach.  I need to get in better shape.  Charro would also dispute that one.

I have to babysit tonight so I won't be going to bed at 8:30. :(

I guess I should do something about the Thai food I attempted to make that is sitting on my stove.  I didn't even taste it.  It's probably disgusting.

11 hours

I've slept at least 11 hours the past three nights.  How is it that I still have no energy and am tired?  I desperately need to go for a run in the park today, but I don't really think my body wants to.  I can be (and probably will be) dumb and push myself.  Part of me knows that I should just rest, but the other part of me is saying, "You have to work out.  You're getting out of shape. You've only done a little cardio the past few days."  I also hear Charro's voice in my head telling a lot of different things.  Ugh, I don't know what to do.  Maybe I'll feel better in a little bit.  I could always run right before practice, but then it's much less of a run, which is not good either, I guess.  I don't know.  I guess I'll figure it out.  If we practice in the park, which might happen, I will just run with the girls, which would kill two birds with one stone.

I'm clearly obsessing about this.  I weighed more this morning too, how is that possible?  Oh well, I don't care as much as I use to, which I guess is a good thing.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Can I sleep like a cat

I should probably skip the gym today because I have no energy, but I'll go, even if it's a crappy workout, at least it's sort of a work out.  I'm trying to see if my friend is around to go, at least that will make it a little better.   I just want to sleep all day.  My cats do it, can't I? :)

I have no idea what I'm going to eat today.  I don't really care but I know Charro might get on my case and the last thing I want is to have to keep a food log again.  Those are THE WORST!  I never want to do them again.

I need to call my office and check in on something.  I guess I should do that now.

Oh, I told Charro that I would be a horrible patient (like if I had surgery or something) because I tend to think I'm okay and push myself to do things when I should probably be resting.  Good thing I didn't need to have hip surgery because that would have been awful.  I wouldn't be able to sit still, I would go insane.  Charro liked my insight.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Still doggin it

I thought it would be a good idea to walk to Charro today.   Well, it wasn't, haha.  I went to the gym for a whopping 30 minutes and then came home and showered, worked and then left for Charro.  Well, I walked 40 blocks and then hopped on the subway because I was wiped.  By the time I got back to my apartment I wanted to pass out and just sleep.  No time for that, but now I can sleep and I will!

So when I got to Charro she said I seemed down, I think that's the word she used.  I said, "No, I just don't feel well."  She goes, "Physically or emotionally?"  I said, "Physically."  I did tell her that I hadn't been eating as "well as usual" because I've been sick.  She told me to eat.  I'm sure this means that she's going to weigh me on Friday.  I'll be ready.

I really, really need to start talking in there.  I don't know what to talk about and don't have anything to say.  My goal is to do some thinking this week and come up with something good to talk about on Friday.  I can't stand wasting her time with me not talking.  Why can't I talk?  I don't know why I am so bad at talking and why can't I come up with anything deep?  That is my goal.

I did tell her that I would never cry in front of her, that she would be the last person I cried in front of because unlike a friend or family member, she's not going to come over and comfort me.  I said, "It would be weird because you'd just be sitting there staring at me."  I think she's a little offended that I feel like I can't cry in front of her (I don't cry in front of anyone, by the way), but I just won't do it.

I think I'll take my cold meds soon and hit the hay.  I can't believe I'm going to go to sleep before watching The Following.  Awesome show!!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Can't wait to take my cold meds

I've sort of slept pretty much all day.  I woke up, walked to teach my aerobics class, walked home and laid down the rest of the day.  I just got up off of the floor.  I still feel like doody.  I can't wait to take my cold meds and go to bed at like 8 PM tonight. 

I'm going to be so out of shape when I start to feel better.  I barely worked out today and I didn't do anything yesterday or Friday so I'm going to be completely out of shape which sucks a big butt.

I haven't really been eating because I have no energy, no taste buds and am not really hungry.  That's what happens when your sick.  Oh well.  Maybe I'll weigh myself tomorrow to see if anything has changed.  I know for sure that if I tell Charro that I haven't been eating that she will WIF me on Friday.

I desperately need to clean my apartment but have no energy.  I babysat pretty much all day and night yesterday.  Early morning with a break in the afternoon and then until late last night.  How is it possible to be this tired?

Friday, April 19, 2013

No nostril abilities

I cannot breathe at all through my nose.  This is going to be a fun night of open mouth, dry mouth, choking sleep.  I just popped some cold meds so I'll be passed out in 20 minutes.

Here's what happens when you're sick...you forget to eat.  Charro is going to love that, if I decide to tell her.  If I do tell her that, maybe she'll just WIF me on Friday and I can go all prepared for that.  I didn't really have lunch and I didn't really have dinner, but I'm not really hungry.  I'm sure I'll wake up in the middle of the night starving, but oh well.  I just feel too crappy to think about food and cooking, sleeping is what I need to be doing.

I didn't work out today and I don't think I will get a chance to tomorrow, which Charro would be thrilled about because she would tell me that I'm sick and I need to rest.  Her favorite (kidding, of course), was when I ran on my injured foot while I was waiting for my MRI results because I needed to run if it was broken and I was going to be casted.  She loves to point out how disordered that was.

Okay, I'm fading so I need to brush my teeth and go to bed!

Wish I was WIFfed today

Charro was going to WIF me today but then she said, "Never mind, they still haven't fixed that scale."  That sucks because I weighed a lot today without any extra help.  It would have been a good day to have WIF.  I'll be ready next week, just in case.

I'm going back to bed.  I feel like crap.  I want to watch all of this Boston stuff unfold though.  Okay, bedtime again.  I took a lot of Sudafed last night, well two but I don't know if I was only supposed to take one.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

The meat issue

It drives me insane when Charro says she thinks my vegetarianism is because of my ED because it is SO NOT!!!  Here's the deal, veins completely gross me it...the red veins and then the clear ones...I can't deal.  I eat chicken, but only when my mom makes it because she cuts off all the yuckies.  Even then, I still cut it all up and throw out a bunch of it.  I will not cook it myself because I won't eat it if I see it raw.  Steak grossed me out first.  Those white arteries in there completely freaked me out, so back in 8th grade I stopped eating red meat.   Pork followed.  I never really liked turkey.  Chicken it is.  So, I hate when Charro insists that I don't eat meat because of the calorie/fat content.  That is not it.  I just can't deal with the grossness factor.  Yuck!

I'll be ready for WIF tomorrow, just in case.  I hate this WIF business.

It's so bed time right now.

Quite a boring post

My throat hurts.  Oh well.  Life goes on.

My eye is twitching.

My run in the park yesterday was quite lovely.  It was so nice to be outside and amongst the blossoming trees. I'm going to have to get out there with my camera this weekend.

Mr. Pink Paws is curled up next to me.  He loves me. 

I just heard about what happened in Texas.  So sad.  I can't believe that blast.  I haven't seen much news coverage on it though.  I haven't been home to see the news pretty much all week, which is nuts.

What am I going to talk to Charro about tomorrow?  Hmm.  My blog is boring.  I wonder if she's going to weigh me.  I will go prepared.  I hate this whole weighing business.  I'm flat out screwed when she weighs me some July day when I'm barely wearing anything.  Screwed!

I need to shut my window because I'm cold.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I'm hoping that today I will get to run outside for the first time.  I keep saying this, but I think today might be the day.  It's 56 degrees right now, if the sun pops out, that temperature will shoot up and it will be perfect.  I'll give it a couple of hours.

I'm tired.  I'm watching a lady take pictures on the roof across from me.  I was going to weigh myself this morning, but I didn't.  I'll save that for tomorrow morning and then again Friday morning before I go see Charro, just in case she weighs me.

Can I go back to sleep?  I have a busy few days, through the weekend actually.  Right now I don't have anything to do on Sunday, but teach class.  Hopefully that is all I will do.  If it's nice, I'll go to the park and take pictures.

I might do a sun dance soon.  I really don't feel like working out, but a park run will be good for me.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Really, a vegan

I learned that Charro was vegan for a while.  This after I said, "Vegans are weird!!"  She said that her father said to her, "Are your boots made of broccoli?" when she was wearing leather.  Ha. 

Charro also said that she wants to do an exposure exercise with milk shakes from Shake Shack.  Um, no!!  She goes, "You can pick them up on your way."  I said, "You trust that I'm really going to pick up those shakes from Shake Shack?  I don't think so.  I'll get them from McDonalds."  They're lowfat at McDonalds.  We'll see if she brings this up again.

Time go to.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

A successful restaurant pick

Dinner was a success last night.  The restaurant turned out to be really cute, good and had an excellent staff.  I ordered something and it was totally different than what it was at another restaurant I go to.  It was basically fettucine alfredo with peas and pancetta.  First problem, I don't eat meat.  Second problem, um hello...no way in hell would I ever order an alfredo sauce!!  So after much deliberation, I sent it back, because the waiter asked if I wanted something different.  I said, "No, it's fine, I'll just eat it" and he said, "No, I want you to have something you're going to enjoy!"  I thought that was nice.

Had a good time on the date.  I might like him a little more.

Today I walked 4.5 miles and taught aerobics, so that's good.  I might weigh myself soon.  I'm going to eat cabbage tonight, with it in mind that it might cause colitis issues.  Kind of messed up, but whatevs.

I'm beat.  I can't wait to go to bed.  Oops. Gotta run.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Restaurant picking pressure

I was hoping to run outside today, for the first time this year (not including Florida), but it doesn't look like the weather is going to cooperate for me.  I need it to be a bit warmer out...sun would help too.  I don't need the sun to run, but the sun would warm things up a bit.

Right  now I'm trying to find a restaurant for my date tonight.  Oh the pressure!  I hate trying to find a good restaurant.  I don't want to pick something that's expensive because I know he's going to pick up the tab. 

I need to run 6 miles today.  I hope it's not too painful, mentally.  Physically it's fine, but I get bored to death. Maybe there will be something good on TV to keep me occupied.

I need a nap too.  I'm tired.  I wish my body would let me sleep in.  I don't know why it won't when I'm still tired.

I wanted to weigh myself this morning but I didn't.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Surprises today

Lots of surprises during my sesh today.  I was surprised that Charro didn't weigh me, given the scale fail last week.  I thought for sure she was going to weigh me today. Crap, now I just have to keep on going in there prepared to get weighed.  I hate that.  The other surprise...Charro teaches!!  What?!  When did this happen?   What the hell is she teaching?  Where the hell is she teaching?  I'm guessing she's probably teaching at Columbia, but maybe she's teaching at NYU.  I don't know.  So bizarre. 

I had said something and Charro said, "You have to make that a highlight.  You can't erase it.  You should have a highlight tape of all the good (profound, positive, smart) things that you say, not the things that I say."  I said, "Oh, I have highlights of all the funny things you say.  Do you know you're funny?"  She goes, "Yes, I do know I'm funny."  I said, "Are you funny all the time or just with me?"  She said, "Well, I was teaching a class the other day and they kept laughing."  That's when I was like, "What?!  You have like 47 jobs.  I don't get it."  She goes, "Well you have a bunch of jobs too."  I said, "Yeah, but you have a real job."  She goes, "No one in this field really only does one thing."  I so need to ask her about this class on Monday.  So bizarre.

I would really just love to take a nap, but I can't do that.  I guess tomorrow I can if I want to.  I have a dinner party tonight, a date tomorrow, out with friends on Sunday for a birthday, babysit, and then it's Monday again and we start it all over. 

Mr. Pink Paws (sometimes I call my cat that b/c he has a few pink paw pads) is sleeping right next to me all cute.  I gave him his medicine today and now he's resting after eating 1000 treats.

I'm making brownies.  Should I put powdered sugar on them or not?  Hmm, they look prettier that way.

Charro was so happy to hear that I didn't give any thought to the menu items while I was on my date the other night.  I'm so screwed when she weighs me.  That's all that I keep thinking about.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

The date with no name

Okay, so I went on my date last night and it was very nice, even though I didn't know his name and it was POURING rain and thundering and lightening right when I had to leave to get there.  Anyway, I got to the swanky rooftop lounge and said to him, "I just want to make sure I'm saying your name correctly, how do you say it?"  (He's foreign).  That worked and I got his name. :)  I had a really nice time with him and his accent is hot.

My hip is starting to bother me again.  It's weird, it's not like it hurts while I'm doing things, but when I'm sleeping I feel it, and it's more discomfort than anything.  I do feel it sitting too.  Last night, however, I was laying in bed and I felt a sharp pain in it, so I moved it.  Hmm, good ole hip.

I'm tired. 

Charro tomorrow.  I'll be WIF ready, just in case!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Spring has sprung, at least until tonight

Alrightly, I'm back from being home with my rents.  They're good.  No comments about anything, which is even better! 

It's another beautiful day today.  I may have a date tonight, not sure yet.  We shall see.  I feel like it's a Seinfeld episode because I don't know his name.  Met him online and the email that had his name in it is gone, which is not cool.  So, I have no idea what his name is.  Mulva?  lol.  This should make for an interesting date, if we do go out tonight.

I got some fresh Florida grapefruits and they are yummy.  Thanks mom and dad. :)

I freaking love this weather.  I don't really have anything else to say.  Too bad it's going to get colder tomorrow.

Monday, April 08, 2013

Watches, sticks and tans

I had a good sesh with Charro tonight.  We didn't discuss any ED stuff, which was good.  I told her that I was sick of talking about it too, so we don't need to discuss it anymore.  We talked about my family and friends.  She told me I looked really tan.  She goes, "Wow you look tan.  What happened to you, did you go to the islands for the weekend?  Holy shit you look so tan.  I can't believe I just said 'holy shit.'  You look really tan, what did you do?  You turned a corner."  She's so freaking funny.  Oh, then I had my lacrosse stick with me so I was playing with it.  I had it between my legs, resting sort of on my stomach and Charro goes "Do you really need a big stick coming out between your legs (hahahahaha)?"  Then I said, "That's a personal question."  She goes, "That's what we're here to do, personal questions."

Oh, so then she saw my watch, which is my heart rate monitor because I came from practice so I wear the watch part of it.  She was like "What is that watch?  Did you get a new heart rate monitor?  Your other one was black?"  Geez, who knew she was so perceptive.  She gave me the, "you shouldn't be wearing a heart rate monitor," schpeel again.

I told Charro I googled the suite mate and she didn't like that.  She thinks it an invasion of privacy.  She said that she is unsearchable because she has several pseudonyms.  Yep, can't really find her online anyway, other than her work stuff.

Okay, I need to go to bed.  I'm totally going into our sesh Friday prepared for WIF because I feel like she's going to weigh me, since the scale was "broken" last week.  Haha.

Okay, bed time.

Missing my walk today

I woke up sore from my massage, like I needed a massage.  Funny, since I didn't feel like I needed a massage before I got the massage.

I have no idea what I'm going to talk to Charro about tonight.  I like going at night.  I would be on my way there right now.  The only stinky thing is that I'm missing out on that 4 mile walk because I won't have time to do it tonight, and it's gorgeous out today.  Doozy.  I have to figure something out to talk to her about, since I don't want to talk about eating disorders anymore.  I could tell her that I googled one of her suite mates and found out that she got bad grades from her clients.  I don't want to feel stalkerish though.  I always tell Charro that she looks nice and Charro says that she is, but apparently she sucks as a therapist.  Ha.  Charro also says that Kruger is very nice (and a great baker, which I find funny), but I can attest to the fact that she totally sucked as a therapist.  I still can't believe Charro sent me to her when she was on maternity leave number 1.  Awful.  I wish I had audio tapes of those sesh's.  Those were priceless.

I'm not going to have time to eat anything before I see Charro, so I'll be starving when I get there.  I'm always starving after practice.  If I tell her I'm hungry she'll say, "Well why didn't you bring something in to eat?"  Maybe I'll test her on that tonight.

None of my work clients need anything from me so work is pretty boring today.  I'll see my parents tomorrow, after having not seen then for 2 months.  That should be interesting.  Please don't let them make any comments on my body...please!  I hate the "Have you lost weight?" or the "You look thinner" comments.  No cool.  Not okay.  No I haven't.  Please just zip it.  Ugh.

Sunday, April 07, 2013

Bum update

My bum is bruised from me trying to get the knot out of it.  I went to get a massage today and it felt good.  I would like to now pop my hip, or something, because it feels like I should do that, which is not a good thing.

I feel like all I did was eat today and I don't love that feeling. 

I'm watching the ACM Awards.  Tim McGraw, who I saw in August, looks anorexic.   I hope he's not wearing his little white jeans tonight, like he did in concert.  Gross.  Apparently he wasn't wearing any undies under those white jeans at that show, according to my sources.  Ew!  I think he needs to put on a few pounds...and some undies.  He's not sounding so great at the moment either.

Okay, enough about that.  It's going to be nice out this week and I need to get a run in the park in, but I don't know if that's going to happen with my schedule, so it might just be the gym for me all week.  :(  I can't wait to get outside.  I need to get in better running shape.  I feel good after running 6 miles yesterday but I need to be able to run farther.  (I don't really know why I need to be able to run farther, I guess I don't.)  I need to run faster.  I just need to be better, I guess.

I guess I should get ready for bed.  I shouldn't have taken a nap on the floor today.  That's not great for nighttime sleeping. 
I had a dream I was in Firenze, Italy.  Unfortunately, I woke up and I was in NYC.  At least I had 2 cute cats snuggled up next to me.

My butt knot is still there, except now there is a bruise on my cheek from me trying to get it out for the past three days. 

The sun is not out which, means that I will not be laying out today. :(  Sad day.  I was just starting to get a little tan.  I'm sure Charro will tell me that I look tan when I see her tomorrow. 

I love my little stinky cats.  (They don't really smell, I just call them my little stinkies).

I kind of don't want to go see Charro tomorrow.  I have nothing to talk about.  I'm going to tell her, maybe, that I don't want to discuss EDs anymore.  That might last for a day or two because she'll say "What do you want to work on?"  I have no answer to that.  I never have an answer to that. 

There's a good chance that I'll be in a bad mood when I go see Charro tomorrow because I will be coming from dealing with 15 high school girls who don't listen and think they know more than me and the other coach.  I always talk better when I'm in a bad mood, so that could be good.

I guess I should get ready to head to the gym.

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Butt knot

My butt knot is killing me!  I've been rolling around on a tennis ball for two days and it's not helping at all.  I might have to go get this massaged out by someone.  Awkward!  Hi, can you massage my right butt cheek please? 

I ran this morning and it hurt the whole time I was running.  I find that odd.  I ran 6 miles, which was good, since I felt like stopping at 3 miles.  I saw a woman at the gym with clear plastic gloves over white cotton gloves, yet, she was was not wearing shoes.  Okay, so if she's a complete germaphobe, we have a problem hear, but if she has some sort of hand issue, then the no shoes makes sense.  Well, not wearing shoes in a gym never makes sense, so scratch that.

Charro just changed my time for Monday.  It's fine.  Probably works out a little better, although I'll be rushed.  She told me not to get anxious about not getting there on time, which always stresses me out.  I have dreams about being late ALL of the time. 

I'm kind of tired of talking about the ED myself, like she said she was yesterday.  It's pointless.  I'm not going to change any, so there's no point in discussing it anymore.  I still love how I lucked out at WIF yesterday.  seriously, I would have been so screwed if the scale wasn't broken.  I think it was actually accurate, but whatevs.  Let her think what she thinks.  Obviously it was acting up before I got on or she wouldn't have said it was broken.

Friday, April 05, 2013

Crap, that was close!

So Charro decided to randomly WIF me today.  I did NOT think that that was going to happen since she WIFed me last Friday.  I was not prepared for that one.  She said, kind of early on in the sesh, that she was going to "WIF me today" (she might have said "weigh" not "WIF", not really sure).  I had a mini heart attack, which was not at all visible from the outside, so she didn't see it.  I was so hoping that she'd forget that she said she was going to weigh me and I could get out of there, but that was not the case.  F!!  Oh yeah, midway through our sesh, I managed to get my keys into my pocket, as if that was really going to help.  When I got up to get WIFed I thought, how the hell and I going to make myself weigh more?  Should I push down on the wall?  Would she notice that?  I did stick my hand on the wall and was going to attempt it, but then I thought that would be too obvious.  Well, LUCK was on MY side.  I was down two pounds from last week (on her scale), but she goes, "The scale's broken.  It's not working right.  I need to get someone in here to fix it.  THANK YOU, LORD!!!!  Wow, I could not have gotten any luckier.  Seriously!  I thought she was going to rip me a new one, but I got away.  I think I breathed the biggest (and quietest) sigh of relief ever. 

I didn't like our sesh today.  I gave her the bubble graphs I made, which she liked, but then she wanted to talk about them.  She said exactly what I thought she would say..."So you're okay where you are?  Then we don't need to talk about the eating disorder anymore, because frankly I've have it up to here (pointed to her head).  Then she told me that I needed to be 103.  What?  What happened to 102?  It's hard enough to fake 102, how am I going to fake 103...and the weather's getting warmer so it's not going to get any easier.  Let's face it, I'm screwed.  I made my bed.  I knew this would eventually happen, and it's going to suck.  I didn't really do much talking today.  Not great, but whatever.

I have a big knot in my right ass cheek.  I need to sit on a tennis ball and roll around to try and work it out. 

It's nice out today. I got tan yesterday.  That makes me happy.

I brought Charro a mini apple pie that I made for our 6 year working together anniversary.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

6 years tomorrow

Charro now has a picture up online.  I stumbled across it yesterday.  It is really, really weird to see a picture of her.  It's bizarre, I can't really explain it.  I'm use to seeing her animated, not staring at me.  I don't like it.  At least I don't have to have it up as my wallpaper or anything.  It's a great picture, it's not that, it's just weird to see a picture of your T.

The weather is finally on the up and up.  That makes me happy. 

I wonder if Charro will randomly WIF me tomorrow.  I don't think she will, but you never know.  That's not really her thing.  I should go ready for it, just in case.

I'm not sure she's going to like the chart I made because she's going to say, "So what you're saying is that you don't want to get better?"  Well, better?  I think I'm fine so what is there really to get better from?  That is the question.  If I'm fine with where I am with things then I don't feel the need to change them.  I don't feel like I need to change my eating.  I don't need to change my working out.  I definitely don't need to change my weight.  Now, I see where this still is a problem in that I would freak out if I gained weight and I would freak out if I had to go some place where I had to eat everything on my plate when they fed it to me and not workout.  That's when I see it's an issue.  Hmm, maybe something to discuss with Charro, but do I really feel like getting into it?  I don't think so.

Tomorrow marks 6 years since I started see her.  I can't believe that.  It's just nuts.  Who would have thought I'd still be going to see her?  Not I!!

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Head explosion

I'm hoping that today is the last cold day here because I can't take it anymore.  My head it still weird, and I'm not sure if that's because I have the biggest growth of a zit on my forehead or because I got smacked in the back of the head on Sunday.  I've named my growth Ursula.  It's huge.  It doesn't look like a zit.  It looks like I got clocked in the forehead with something.  It's all swollen and huge.  I'm going to tell people I got hit in the head, if they ask.

My cat woke me up at 7 AM meowing for a drink from the sink.  Not cool.  I was going to run 6 miles today but my head felt weird so I only did a mile.  Also not cool.  Saturday I will have to do a big run.  I also am smart enough (sort of) to know that I shouldn't push it if I really did get a concussion on Sunday.  I've had way too many and it's not a good thing.

I'll probably weigh myself on Friday, just because I can.  Charro didn't give me any other goals and when I told her that I was going to weigh myself every Friday she was excited and said, "That's great!"  (not sarcastically).  I think I'll write down some more stuff to bring in on Friday.  She's going to love that. 

I'm going to look absolutely ridiculous with all of my layers on when I go outside, but it's going to be FREEZING at practice.  We're on an island so the wind just whips.  It's much colder there than it is in the city.  I'll look funny with my hat and mittens.

Maybe I'll weigh myself tomorrow.  Why wait until Friday when I can do it tomorrow? :)  I was in the locker room at the gym yesterday and saw one of my neighbors.  She and two other ladies were all standing there and then they started commenting on my size.  Lovely.  Let's hope this neighbor doesn't tell my parents that she sees me at the gym and that I'm "so skinny."  That will not go over well.  I can just see it now.

Oh, so Charro said, "Don't fuck with me" the other day when I pulled the mouse prank on her.  She was like, "I would die if there was a mouse in her.  I was about ready to jump out the window."  I think mice are kind of cute.  Not that I'd want them living in my space, but they're much better than roaches, I think.  I think it's funny that people can be so deathly afraid of them.

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

I really hope not

It's quite possible, and ridiculous, that I got a concussion on Sunday.  The girls I babysit for came over and one of them hit heads with me.  I was wondering why I had a lingering headache and then today I feel a little bit weird.  I felt weird working out this morning.  I didn't sleep well last night, tossing and turning, so maybe that had something to do with it, I don't know.  I really can NOT afford to have a concussion because I've had way too many.  I get them if you blow on my head, at this point.

I am making some graphs to bring into Charro on Friday.  She's going to love that!!  She won't love the fact that I wrote so small though.

Monday, April 01, 2013

April Fool's, Charro!

I got her good!  Charro is deathy afraid of mice.  On my way to see her today I was trying to think how I could get her for April Fool's Day.  I should have brought a toy mouse, but I didn't, so I did the next best thing...Jumped up on the couch and said, "Oh my God."  It was in the middle of a serious conversation, which I thought would be good.  She looked at me with a weird face.  I thought she would scream or freak out or something, but she didn't.  She just looked at me.  Then she said, "Are you fucking with me?"  I kept it going for a few more seconds but thought she was totally going to freak out so I told her that I was kidding.  I think she wanted to kill me.  It was fun though.  She told me that she was going to tell me that she was pregnant and then she said she decided that that was stupid.

I tried to convince her to not weigh me randomly.  I was completely unsuccessful with that...I can't say that I'm shocked, but I gave it a try.  I also told her that she was "strange."  She was doing the weirdest things today.  I just give her a look and then laugh at her.  I said, "I think we should probably switch seats." 

Friday is marks our 6 year anniversary.  I can't believe I've been seeing her for 6 years.  Geez in a freaking box.  She loves me. :)  Ha.  She told me that I lied to her (or something like that) because I didn't tell her that I had lost weight (that last time in the Fall), which is why she has to weigh me still.  Basically like she can't trust me.  She shouldn't.  I lost weight long before last Fall, I just brought it up, which was a BAD idea.  Hmm, I guess I didn't really lose a lot of weight because I hadn't gained the weight she thought I had gained to begin with, so was I lying?  Hmm...

I need to drink my tea and call my friend.