Thursday, January 31, 2013

No sun, again

The sun did not shine at all today, which meant that I was an unhappy camper.  I had a good run this morning, so that's one positive.  Tomorrow I plan on running on the beach and then rollerblading.  Hopefully it will be sunny and I can lay out all day. 

I feel huge, partly because I'm pmsing.  I just hope and pray that I do not get it while I'm here, because that would just suck and put a damper on everything.

I think I'll go to bed now.  I am probably gaining a million pounds while I'm here.  Ugh.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

It was a nice day today.  I ran on the beach and my left calf is starting to get sore.  It was so windy on the beach and I had to run on the thick, high sand, so I got a good workout.  I only ran for 30 minutes though, which is not good enough.  Tomorrow I will have to do better than that.  I feel huge and white.  I need to work on fixing both of those things.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

How did I forget that?!

When I got to the airport this morning I realized that I had forgotten to weigh myself.  Really??  How the hell did I do that?  I haven't weighed myself since Friday and now I don't know how much I weigh.  Oh well, I can't change that.

I feel like I'm pmsing big time, which I really, really, REALLY hope I'm not, which I should/could be.  I really don't want to deal with that down here.  I just feel like it's coming.

I feel fat.  I just did some tricep push-ups.  I can't wait to run on the beach in the morning.  PLEASE let the sun be out, because today, it was not. :(

Bed time!

Monday, January 28, 2013

I had a lot to talk to Charro about today, which was good and bad.  Good because I had a lot to talk to her about, bad because I won't see her again until next Wednesday.  Hopefully my parents won't make any weight, food, body, exercise comments to me while I'm with them, although that's highly unlikely. 

I can't wait to get tan and go to the beach.  I love the fresh air.  I need to go through my suitcase and maybe take some stuff out and put some more stuff in. :)  I always over pack.  I need to figure out what I'm going to wear on the plane tomorrow. 

I feel so bad leaving my cats.  It kills me.  I worry so much about them...and the gifts that they will most likely leave for me on my floor and bed.

Okay, I should get busy.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

RLS

I had some serious restless legs situation happening last night.  It was so annoying and disrupted my sleep.  Blah.  I'm tired.  They felt like they needed to be seriously stretched too.  Maybe I'll eat breakfast soon.  I'll start packing later too, which always upsets my kitties. :(

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Followed through

I got on the treadmill and ran 6 miles today.  It was a good run, even though I wanted to stop at mile 2.  I was dripping with sweat, which I usually don't do because I'm not a big sweater, so that was good.  The gym was probably just hot though.  (side note- I love the people who think they're getting such an amazing workout at spinning because they're sweating so much.  Newsflash...You're sweating so much because you're in this tiny little room with no ventilation, smooshed in there with 20 other people working out.  The amount of sweat you produce does not determine how good your workout is.  Thank you!)  Okay, so I ran and stretched and showered.  I feel like I need to do more now.  I feel like this run today, not like me running is unusual, jump started me into a big workout routine...right before I leave for Florida, of course, where my only workouts will be running on the beach barefoot and rollerblading...both good workouts, but I just won't be working out for as long a period of time.

So yesterday Charro had no socks on her feet.  Her feet were the first thing I noticed because they were blindingly white.  I didn't say anything other than, "Weren't you're feet cold?"  Later on in the sesh she goes, "I need sunglasses in here.  I just got blinded by my feet."  I started laughing and said, "You know, I noticed that when I walked in her but I didn't want to say anything.  They are pretty white."  It's funny because I think she talks to me much differently than she does her other people.  I'm curious, maybe I'll ask.

I guess I'll eat lunch now.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Lazy and missing it

I'm feeling really lazy lately because I'm not working out as much as I use too, which was probably "too much."  I didn't work out at all today, which is making me feel worse.  I walked about 5 miles today in the freezing cold weather, which seemed more tiring than walking in normal weather.  I just feel like I need to get really obsessive about working out again.  I don't like this feeling.  Tomorrow I am going to run, run, run.  Sunday I will teach and Monday I will workout before I work and then I will walk to Charro, if it's not raining, like it might.  Tuesday I hop on a plane so I probably won't work out because once I hit the pool, that's where I'll stay.

Here's the other thing, I'm sort of missing being all disordered right now.  I know I was way too obsessive and crazy, but part of me is missing that at the moment.  I'm not really sure what's going on with me, but that's how I'm feeling.  Why can't I feel this way when I'm sitting in Charro's office?  Ugh, I look and feel so fat right now too.  Blah.  I haven't even really eaten much today so I don't know what all of these feelings are about.

A WIF What?!

I learned something from Charro today, I have MGD (Magnified Glass Distortion).  I shorted it to MGD.  I guess it's when you take a part of your body and focus on it.  I like to focus on my "ham thighs." :)  So, she told me that I have MGD. 

The best had to be when she weighed me.  There was a box, I guess it was a laminating machine, sitting next to the scale so I picked it up and held it.  Well, she took that out of my hands pretty quickly and proceeded to weigh me.  Well, she kept moving the bar to the right and I was thinking WTF?  My eyes bugged out and I think I even said something, and she was examining me, and then she told me to get off, moved the scale, and then I had to hop back on.  Apparently the scale was touching the wall, which is why I suddenly weighed 110 pounds.  I had no idea what the hell had happened because I knew that I wasn't close to that weight.

I had written down the things that I worry about and failed to bring the piece of paper with me.  Luckily there were only like three things on the list so I was able to remember.  I worry about my parents dying, my cats dying, my brother and sister and nieces and nephews.  Charro felt the need to add in that I worry about my weight all the time.  Okay, not ALL the time. :)

I feel like that 4 mile walk wore me out today, probably because it's 12 degrees out.  I don't know if I'll go to the gym.  I should go to the gym.  I may end up going later on in the day and hitting the treadmill.  If I don't do it today, I'll have to do it tomorrow.  If I do it today, I can do the elliptical tomorrow.  I'll be running everyday on the beach next week, which will be so much nicer.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Maybe only one more WIF

If I said it is freezing out, I'd be lying.  It's well below freezing at 13 degrees.  It "feels like" 4 out though.  Awesome.  I can't wait to walk a mile to class tonight.  I guess I could take the subway or something, but whatever.  Maybe I'll take the bus home, if I don't have to wait for it.

Not much going on.  I have WIF tomorrow.  I was going to pick up hot chocolate for Charro and me, but by the time I got it to her, it would probably be frozen, so that's not going to happen.  Oh well, I'm not really disappointed about that. 

Oh, Charro has totally forgotten, which I knew she would, about having me drink a Coke.  Seriously, there is NO point in drinking that.  I don't like soda.  If she handed me a Diet Coke I wouldn't drink it, so it's not a calorie thing.  I knew she would forget about that.  She brought that up before Christmas so I knew that would fly far out of her mind. :)  I win! :)  The other day she mentioned having Lo Mein for lunch during one of our Monday sesh's.  I don't even know what Lo Mein is, I've never had it.  I do know that it's not good for ya and Chinese food scares me because I feel like they're cooking cats, not that I'm eating any meat products there, but still.  She'll forget about that one too, so I'm off the hook.  I love how she forgets about these things, it's really works in my favor. :)

So tomorrow will be our last WIF, if everything goes well.  I'll have a WIW when I get back from Florida, and then if I'm still at the same weight, then we're good to go and she'll just weigh me randomly, which does not thrill me.  I need to be completely done with being weighed by the time it starts warming up and my clothes become less, or I will be screwed and will most definitely get fired.  I will try not to worry about that yet though.

I'm so over this frigid weather. 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

So complicated...for no reason

I don't know why, but I suddenly got the desire to just not eat and then lie about it on my food log.  I'm not sure where this desire to not eat came from, and I'm not really sure I feel like going against it.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm going to Florida next week?  I don't know.  I don't think that's it.  Maybe it's the fact that I've come home to an empty fridge and have no interest in cooking or heating anything up.  I have things in the freezer that I can eat, but I don't want them.  Maybe I just won't eat lunch.  Maybe I will write this down for Charro to see.  Maybe I won't lie on my food log, what's the point of doing that anyway.  Maybe I will, just so I don't have to deal with it.  If I keep this food log going at a good clip, I can be done with it February 9, which is my only motivation to lie.  If I screw up, she's going to make me keep doing it and I find it so tedious and pointless. 

Maybe I'll just go into the office without eating lunch.  I have to admit, I'm kind of hungry, but don't want anything.  I just had a banana, which was good, but I feel like I don't really need to eat.  I also don't want to go into the office and then all of a sudden be starving because I didn't eat.  Decisions.  Should this be so complicated?  I think not!

Monday, January 21, 2013

The "Sticks" discussion

So Charro flat out asked me what kind of cereal I've been eating since the "sticks" have been banned.  I told her that I've been eating some "fiber plus oat" things.  I don't know what they're called exactly, but they're a fiber cereal, which was banned.  Little does she know that I have 6 boxes of Fiber One cereal sitting on my table because they had a big sale.  She said, "You know what, go back to eating your sticks, if that's what you want.  You have to be at the driver's seat of your recovery."  Well, right now I think I'm still sitting in the back seat.  Wait, I don't know if that even makes sense.

I have two more sesh's before I head south for a little vacation.  I want to come up with something good to talk about with Charro.  I want to be able to dig deep and I don't know why I can't.  I want to be able to.  I also don't know what is really "deep" down there because nothing traumatic has happened to me, my life growing up was very good, so I don't know what my issues are.

I have a huge under zit on my forehead.  It's one of those that doesn't look like a zit, but rather a huge bump, like I've been bopped in the head.  Fantastic.  Of course I like to touch it

I asked Charro why she thinks that I feel and look fatter after I run.  She didn't have an answer.  I did find out that she really into "Pinterest."  Interesting.  I'll have to ask her on Friday if I can follower her (if that's what you even do) on there and see what she says.  LOL!!  I don't know anything about Pinterest, nor do I believe she'll let me follow her.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Makes no sense to me

It really makes no sense to me that every time I run, I feel and look fatter after.  Shouldn't I feel better and look thinner after?  Seriously, what's that all about?  I've noticed that this is how it pretty much always is after I run.

I just noticed that my jaw is tired too.  I must have been chewing my gum today, while I was on the treadmill.  Usually I just let the gum hang out in my mouth to keep it moist, but I guess I was chewing.  Hmm.

I am going to clean my apartment today.  It's actually clean, but I need to put stuff away.  I still have some Christmas stuff out.  Maybe I should take the wreathe off of my door?  ;)

I made soup yesterday.  This is going to be interesting.  We'll see how eating it goes since I was traumatized last time from the bugs.  Ugh.  That was just awful and I had a dream about it the other night.

I guess I should get up before I get too comfy on this uncomfortable couch.  First, I shall call my momma.

Almost no WIF

I almost got away with no WIF yesterday.  Since Charro's office in new, they're still trying to move things into it, so when I got there, there was this huge box, taller than she, right in front of the scale.  I got excited.  She said, "Don't worry, we'll move it."  Shucks!  So, at the end of the sesh, I got up and put my shoes, coat and hat on and smiled so wide inside because she had forgotten about weighing me.  Yay!!  Well, she suddenly remembered and told me to take everything off.  Well, I took my coat off, but left the shoes and he hat on.  Needless to say that I passed WIF with flying colors!! :)  I forget what she said exactly, but she was very happy to see my weight where it was on that scale.  Ha.  I had about an extra 6 pounds on me, so that was good.  Next week will be a different story.

I need to empy the litter boxes.  I don't want to.  Hopefully the headache I've had for 3 days is gone for good.  We shall see.  I get headaches when I run a lot of times, and I'll be running today.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Never ending headache

I've had a headache since yesterday.  I'm not really sure what that's about.  I've taken Aleve and other stuff, and it's still hanging on.  It's not a bad headache, but it's there.  I think it started after I ran.  I do tend to get headaches after running, for some reason, who knows why.

My new bed came today.  Hopefully I'll sleep well today.  There's one cat on it, she seems to think it's okay.  I now have an egg crate and nowhere to put it.  It's only about 6 months old.  Maybe I'll put it back on my bed, who knows.

WIF tomorrow.  She hasn't talked about firing me, as of late, so that's a good thing.  Maybe she won't fire me.  I'm not at the weight she says I need to be at, but maybe she won't fire me.  That would be nice. 

I don't know what I'm going to have for dinner tonight.  That seems to always be a problem.  Maybe I should just eat chocolate chip cookies. ;)

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Sitting and waiting

I'm waiting for the plumber to come.  I woke up to a flood in my kitchen, so I'm waiting...and waiting.  I haven't gone to the gym yet, so I have to do that after he leaves.  I did shovel the driveway, so I got a mini workout.  I am going to hit the treadmill for a little bit, then I have to run to the store, come home and shower and then go to the office.  I also have to make dinner for my sister, which I can actually do now, but I don't really want to do that now because I can't use the sink to clean the pans, so maybe I'll hold off on that.  Oh, I have to see if I have garlic too, because that I need!

I have WIF on Friday.  Ugh, WIF.  Two more WIFs before I go away and then when I come back we'll have WIW, I'm sure, and if I'm down at all she'll kill me.  Actually, if I'm not "up" this week she'll kill me.  Hmm, how am I going to make that happen?
Let's see what kind of heavy attire I can wear that day. :)

The View is such a horrific show, but I don't want to get up off of the heating vent to turn off the TV.  I need to stay warm here. 

I had a dream last night that I was visiting someone at a trailer park.  (I don't really know what that's about).  We were in the place and some guys with assault weapons came in and took us hostage.  We tried hiding and stuff.  I don't really remember all the details now, but I do know that we were safe.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I was going to blog but then I realized that I don't have much to say.  I thought I had something to say, but then it went away.  

I didn't really have any crazy dreams last night after my sesh.  I did have three dreams, which I wrote down to share with Charro, but none of them were ED related, like I thought they might be.

The end. 

Monday, January 14, 2013

"I don't think so"

I had a good sesh with Charro tonight.  I like going at night.  I feel more calm and peaceful at night, it's weird.  It's not like I'm all wound up during the day, but I feel calmer.  I like walking around the city at night because I find it to be very peaceful, and it was night time when I walked there, so maybe that had a calming effect on me.  Charro and I discussed this a bit during the sesh.

I also told her about my mattress shopping this weekend.  I brought my friend with me and she is the best haggler in the world.  She got the people down so much.  It was funny, we were both laying in the bed that I ended up buying and she was doing all of the talking to the sales people.  They walked away and I was so impressed with her ability to bargain that I said, "I think I need you to be my husband."  We both laughed about that.  Well, I told Charro this and this was her response:

(Charro) "Perhaps you're needing to have a lesbian relationship."
(Me) "I don't think so."
(Charro) "I just thought I'd entertain the thought."

Entertain the thought away, but that's not going to happen any time soon.  She looked a bit disheveled tonight, it was funny.  She said she had a crazy weekend (I don't think she meant as in crazy, drunken weekend) in Chicago.  Maybe she did, ha! 

I wonder if I'll have good dreams tonight about our sesh.  Charro and I talked about that too.  Speaking of dreams, I'm tired and need to go to bed.

Fogged in

I was supposed to see Charro this morning, but she got stuck in Chicago.  I figured she'd have a hard time getting back here since we've been blanketed in fog for the past three days.  She emailed me this morning to see if I could come tonight, so that's what I'm going to do.

I emailed my doctor friend to find out how worried I should be about my brother, and she eased my mind, which is good.   

I have a feeling Charro still won't be happy with my food log, but who knows.  I hate food logs.  Ugh, I just realized that I'm going to have WIW when I get back from my trip.  Awesome way to welcome me back.  Something smells weird in my apartment so I'm going to light a candle.  Clearly that just masks the smell, but I don't care.  I think it's cat food.

My legs are so freaking tired and I don't now why.  I did walk a lot on Friday and Saturday, like 12 miles and I worked out one of those days.  Yesterday, my legs were tired when I taught class and today I tried to run, but that wasn't very successful, so I moved to the elliptical.  I plan on walking to Charro's later, which is 4 miles.  I'm not really looking forward to that, but it's so warm out that I have to take advantage of it.

Time to shower.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Hot Chocolate...not so much

It's not that often that I will allow myself, or splurge, on a cup of hot chocolate.  Well today was the day that I was going to have some.  I was walking around with my friend and it was colder than it was supposed to be, so it sounded really good.  I realized that we were by this Italian gelato place that has the thick Italian hot chocolate, so I got excited because I'd been wanting to try it and Charro said it was really good, which made me want to try it even more, since she knows her hot chocolate.  So, we were walking there and I thought, hmm...I should probably have lunch first instead of having hot chocolate for lunch.  So we stopped and I got a pita sandwich.  I ate half of it, because I didn't want to spoil my hot chocolate sipping, and we continued on our way.  We got to the place only to find out that it had closed.  I was so sad.  I really, really wanted that hot chocolate.  Of course, I wasn't willing to settle with any other type of hot chocolate, so I went without it.  :(  Charro will be happy that I chose to eat really food instead of just having hot chocolate, however, she will not be so thrilled that I only ate half.  Oh well, can't have your cake and eat it too, whatever the hell that really means.

I need to listen to my sesh from yesterday because she really got me thinking at one point, and then it all went away.

I got some really scary news about my brother last night.  Hopefully he's going to be okay.  He literally could have died the other day and is VERY lucky that he didn't.  I hope these docs know what they are doing.  I think he should have been hospitalized, as does the woman I babysit for, who is a doctor.  He has a life threatening blood clot in his lung and I don't know why he's not in the hospital.  I hope and prayer that he will be okay.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Incentive

Charro was going to let me stop doing the food logs as of next Friday, however I apparently lost weight.  Ugh, seriously, I didn't lose weight and this weighing thing is pointless because, well, it just is.  My weight isn changing dramatically in either direction.  I need to be up at least a pound next week.  She said I was wearing heavier clothes today than I was last week.  Hmm, really?

So, IF I gain that stupid one pound and stay at that weight until February 9th, then we can stop with the food logs and the WIFs.  I told her that I am NOT doing the F.L. when I go to FL, but that didn't go over well.  I guess I can just not do them, what she's going to do, fire me?  Ha.  So, that's a good incentive to sort of be at that weight, I guess.  There's going to come a time when I'm not wearing all of this clothing though, and then I'll be screwed.  I'd actually rather know that I'm getting weighed than have random WIFs, which is what will happen.  At least she hasn't threatened to fire me lately.

I am so freaking tired.  I was actually hoping that I was going to wake up to an email from Charro telling me that she wasn't going to make it in today, but she made it.  I babysat until 1 AM, so I'm wiped.  A nap is definitely in order...soon.

I wasn't going to go to the gym, but I told a friend I'd meet her there, so I got a half-assed work out in, which was more than what I was going to do.  I walked 4 miles to Charro and back and will be walking more again later.  So, I was fine not going to the gym.

Okay, my cat keeps posting this so I'm done.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

WIF in 2013...still!

I'm not quite sure how I managed to gain weight, while eating less than usual, but I did and that will make WIF a bit better tomorrow...I think.  I'm going to wear my WIF jeans tomorrow, just in case.  I'm also going to suggest that we (meaning I) only do this damn food log for one more week.  Enough is enough!!!  It's really not benefiting anyone.  I definitely will not be doing it when I go away at the end of the month.

I'm still not digging this new office location.  It's like 40 miles away and it's in an annoying spot.  I'm going to keep complaining about it because I like to.

That's all.

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

It came back

My appetite came back today, which I'm fine with.  I knew it was because I had been sick.  Now I don't have to be afraid of Charro on Friday.  She can't really yell at me now that I'm eating again.  Well, maybe she can, we'll see what happens when she weighs me.  Blah!

So today was my first day without "sticks."  Yeah, I sort of made an illegal substitution, but that's okay.  Blah.

I just did a double sneeze.  I never do two sneezes...make that three in a row.  Now my right eye is watering.

I made lunch and ate it.  I will have that for dinner too.  I'm very thirsty so I need to get up and get some water.

Gym doozy - I was leaving for the gym this morning and realized that I had left my ipod at home.  I won't have it until I go home again next week.  I only have 2-3 workout days to get through without it.  I don't have to worry about the two days I teach, so I just have to worry about Friday, Sat. and Monday, although Monday I can watch something good on TV.  I actually managed to have a decent run today, even without my ipod.  Thank goodness for "breaking news" I guess.  I didn't think I'd be able to run that well, considering that I haven't run really since before Christmas.

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Never quite sure...

I'm never quite sure how to respond to certain comments, such as the one I will get to in a minute.  I was at my gym this morning and I saw a woman whom I haven't seen in years.  She use to take my classes.  I said hello to her and one of the first things she says to me is, "You look so skinny."  My response, "I've been sick for the past two weeks, maybe that's why."  Dumb answer, but it was the first thing that came to mind.  I should have said, "Well, since you last saw me, I've been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis."  That probably would have been a better, more believable, answer.  Whatever, I guess it doesn't really matter.   Later on in the conversation (she hopped on the machine next to me), she asked how long I stay on there.  I said, "an hour."  She said, "That's why your so skinny." 

It's just very awkward and uncomfortable when someone says that to me because I'm not sure how to take it.  Do they think I look sick?  Do they think I look good?  I don't know.  I, of course, don't mind being told I look skinny.

Monday, January 07, 2013

This might be an issue

I'm having some serious dinner issues, which I've been writing about a lot lately.  Charro told me today that I have to eat, and I have to eat more because my food logs have been kind of bad.  I told her that I haven't been hungry, which is not a lie, but she says that I have to eat anyway.  Do people know how hard it is to eat when you're not hungry??  It's not even a weight control thing for me right now, I'm just really not hungry.  I had breakfast at 8 AM, lunch at 2 PM, and even then I wasn't hungry but I ate, and then I just had a little bit of dinner, which Charro is not going to be thrilled with.  Again, I didn't even want that because I wasn't hungry.  I don't know what the deal is and tomorrow I could be starving all day, so who knows.  I know that Charro is not going to be thrilled with my food logs again this week and if I lose weight then she's really going to fire me.  Firing me right now would not be so helpful.  God, I hope she doesn't make me go see a nutritionist or something.  That fact that I'm having a hard time eating scares me, and this is why it scares me.  It scares me because I'm afraid she's going to see this and think I need more treatment or something, and I really don't, I'll be back to normal in a few days, I'm sure.

As soon as my laundry is done, I'm going to bed.  It's 8:30 and I'm wiped.

Sticks ban

Well, the Fiber One, or "sticks" have officially been banned from my breakfast.  She said I can't replace them with any fiber squares or bran or anything of that nature.  This is not good and I don't like it one bit.  She told me to eat something else for the next four mornings and we can talk about it Friday morning because she wants me to be able to talk about how I feel.  I said that I don't want to do it.  As I was walking out her door I said something about being "scared" to do it.  She said, "That's what you need to talk about."  Ugh, I don't want to stop eating my sticks!!

This morning was a really, really crazy morning.  I got a call from my brother, who is in town, saying my sis was going to pick him up and take him to the hospital because he was having serious pain in his side and didn't sleep all night.  My sister is just getting over the stomach flu, she had to get one kid off to school, the other is sick with the stomach flu so she sent him to his father's, who's home with the flu.  Crazy morning.

I'm home and winding down.  I may head out to take some night pictures, but it's cold out.

Sunday, January 06, 2013

The attitude

I was telling Charro my dream the other day and I got bitchy in one part of it.  She said, "That was you being bitchy?"  I said, "Yes, I can get quite the attitude when I'm being forced to do something that I don't want to do.  She responded with, "I...I'm aware of that."  I then said, "You've experienced that?"  She said,  "I have, actually.  Yes...I...Have!"  It was funny because I guess I didn't really know that she could tell when I was really pissed off and stuff, but I guess she could, which is good, I guess.

My day tomorrow is sort of up in the air.  I'm waiting to see if Charro can switch our sesh to earlier, but I just sent her an email about it, so we'll see, she probably won't check it tonight. 

Saturday, January 05, 2013

Do I have to eat?

I'm having a hard time with this whole eating thing the past few days, not sure why, could be a lot of things.  It could just be because I'm not hungry.  It could be because I ate 40 thousand bugs the other day and I'm scared by that.  It could be because I'm now back by myself and have to cook for myself and I'm not in the mood for anything.  Here's the issue, Charro is so not going to go for this on the whole food log thing.  I can't lie and say I ate something that I didn't, that would not be cool.  I'm not in the mood for anything, so I wouldn't even know what to eat.  I was supposed to go to dinner with some friends, but one of them is still at work, so we're not going, which is totally fine with me because I'm not hungry and it's cold out.  There was nothing on the menu that I would eat anyway, it was all meat. 

What to do, what to do.  Oh well, I'm just going to sit on the couch for a while because I'm comfy.

The never ending cold

I can't get rid of this damn thing.  I'm going on day 12 with this cold.  I felt good yesterday but then woke up last night with a headache and this morning my nose is all stuffy and stuff.  My plan was to go to the gym and run for a while, but here are the problems with that: 
  • I can't run with a headache
  • I can't run when my nose is all stuffed up and I can't breath - I could, however, do the elliptical.
  • If I don't get to the gym before 9:30 AM, I'll never get on a machine.
So, we'll see.  Maybe I'll just go around 10 and scope it out, by then my headache should be gone because I took some Aleve.  I had to wait until I ate breakfast to do that so I wouldn't get nauseous. 

Okay, I just got sidetracked with a phone call so now I should probably brush my teeth and get dressed.  I was going to take my temperature but apparently the battery in my thermometer is dead.  Oh well. 

Okay, I'm getting dressed and going to the gym.

Friday, January 04, 2013

Really crazy dreams

I had really crazy dreams last night.  The first one I had, I was in the car with my parents and sister and they said to me, "we want to take you to this treatment center, just to see what you think."  I was like, "No way!!"  They said, "Just go visit, you don't have to go."  I was like, "Fine, but you know I'm just going to shut you up and I have no intentions of going."  So we went and when we pulled up there were about 5 men and women standing outside to greet us.  One of them man's names was something that could be shortened, like Charles or something.  So they introduced him as that (it wasn't Charles) and I said "Hi (something what would be equivalent to "Chuck.")  I was pissed that I was there.  They had us sit down at a picnic table why they talked to us.  There were ugly fleece blankets on the benches for people to use, since it was cold out.  There were also menus with pictures on them, not pictures of food, necessarily, just random pictures.  I told my mom to sit at the one with the potato chips on it.  So we sat there and then the next thing I know we're in my house, at my kitchen table and two of my friends were there.  They were supposed to be the ones who helped keep me accountable.  I can remember who one of them was, but not the other.  I was supposed to give them an emergency contact, in case I did something wrong.  I started writing down an email and then crossed it out, then I remembered my friend who would totally side with me, so I was going to give them her name because I knew she'd be on my side. 

So it was not 5 PM and we were supposed to eat dinner.  I was starving.  My sister goes, "You know, I've always been better at field hockey than you."  I paused and then looked at her like I was pissed and then said, "No, actually you weren't.  I got all the awards." 

Everyone left the table and I was sitting there waiting for dinner.  Finally I yelled up to my mom, "I'm eating dinner.  I'm fucking starving, excuse my language, mom."  So I started squirted a ton of ketchup on my plate and started eating my veggie burger.

That was dream 1.  Dream 2, I was seeing Charro and I couldn't wait to tell her about the dream that I had just had.  Since I have to leave in 20 minutes to see her and I haven't eaten, brushed my teeth, or gotten dressed yet, I don't really have time to write about it now.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Bugging out

Remember the bug infestation??  Yeah, that one back in August/September...well...ugh!!

I made soup yesterday.  I had a bowl for lunch, along with a friend who came over to have some, a bowl for dinner, and a bowl for lunch today.  Well, I'm almost done with the bowl today and I notice these brown things.  I'm like, fuck, those are those bugs!!  I'm like, WTF, all of the ingredients were fresh, where did they come from?  This, of course, was after and during wanting to vomit profusely.  Then I'm like, the parsley.  I go into my cabinet, open the parsley, and sure enough, millions (exaggeration) of them.  UGH!!  I still want to puke.  I open every single one of my spices and find a ton of them in three more different spices.  Garbage!!  Take out everything.  Clorox everything.  Clean out the freezer so I can start storing everything in the freezer.  Put my spices, the bug free ones, in the freezer, however, now I'm thinking I should just toss them all and start from scratch.  The Internet said freezing them kills the larvae, but I don't want to take a chance at eating larvae.  Gross!!  So, I'm never eating again.  My bug PTSD is now back full force.  I'm going to discuss this incident with Charro tomorrow.  I'm so grossed out and I don't know what to do.

The new commute

The new commute to Charro's office is exactly 4 miles roundtrip.  That's actually farther than me walking one way to her far office.  Interesting.  Guess I'll get a lot more walking in, which thrills her.  :)

I'm so tired.  I was in bed by 10 PM, but up for an hour and a half last night, then slept until 7:40 this morning.  I need a nap.  This dumb virus thing is knocking me for a loop.  I feel okay, just really wiped out.  Maybe I should make some tea.  Tea fixes everything. :)

I would have absolutely no desire to work out today, so it's a good thing I'm teaching class later. 

I'm hungry, I guess I'll eat something.  I made soup yesterday.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Charro and the new office

I went to the new office today.  Ugh!!  I hate the location!  That's sort of an understatement.  It is in the heart of tourist country and it sucks.  Charro came out to get me.  The way it's set up is weird.  You get out of the elevator and there's a big lobby with a desk, walk a little there's another main lobby with a hall off to the side...a long hall.  Down that hallway are other offices like OBGYN and a others.  You walk a little bit and there's the psych suite.  It's a really small waiting room.  I obviously didn't sit in it because Charro came out to the main lobby to get me.  I'll sit there on Friday.  Her office is bigger and there's this weird little couch seat in it, along with two office chairs.  I couldn't decide where to sit.  She said that we'd do WIW at the end of the sesh.  I tried to get her to not do it at all.  Apparently I had lost weight on her scale, whatever.  I tried to convince her to let me stop doing the food log and getting weighed, but that didn't go over so well.  I'm hoping she won't weigh me again on Friday, I don't think she will because she's not one to do that.  Oh, there's no water fountain that I can find in there, so I might die of dehydration on Fridays. :)

It was nice to see Charro, even though I had nothing to talk about.  I get out of talking mode and then I just can't find anything to talk about.  Maybe Friday I'll come up with something to talk about.

Scale Emergency

I hopped on my scale this morning and it didn't do anything.  It didn't light up, nothing.  OH NO!!  I have to know how much I weigh because Charro is going to weigh me today.  It worked last night.  It lit up.  I'm hoping that it's just the battery, but I just got a new battery for it (I think) and it will usually say "Lo-Bat" when the battery is dying.  If it's broken, I'm screwed.  I'll have to go get a new one before I see Charro at 4 PM because I can't walk in there and weigh like 3 pounds less than I weighed last time she weighed me.  That would be a serious problem.  So, I'm going to go to the gym and then go get a new battery and hope that that fixes the problem. 

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Happy 2013

I guess I should take a shower, since I worked out.  I unpacked most of my stuff, but still need to put a lot of stuff away, mostly kitchen stuff and lots of cat food.  I need a nap.  The cats are sleeping after their trip back here.  I still have a cold.  I get weighed by Charro tomorrow.  I have to go to her new office, which is 9 blocks farther away than her current office that wasn't too far away but now it sort of is.  That stinks.  My Christmas tree still looks good.  I'm going to have to cook tomorrow, Lord knows what I'll make.  Maybe I'll make soup again.  I hate having to feed myself, it's so hard to cook for one when you don't know what to make.  I should make veggie spring rolls soon.  Maybe I'll do that this weekend.  This is a random post.  I hate putting stuff away.  I stepped in water and my sock is wet. 

Okay, I guess I'll shower, have some tea, I guess I'll have some dinner too and just sit here and then go to bed.  I should call my bro and sis.