Saturday, September 07, 2013

I should go back

I just put on jeans for the first time since, I don't know, June.  Ugh.  I feel huge.  I feel gross.  I feel like I never want to eat again.  I'm supposed to "challenge these thoughts."  Well, I'm not really one for challenging the thoughts, I'd rather just starve and get skinny.  I have a fat roll the size of a foam roller on my stomach and I look 19 months pregnant.  It's disgusting and I want to throw up.

I'm on my way out to a party and I'll eat dinner there, but I wish I wouldn't.  Back in the day I just wouldn't eat.  I think maybe that was a better route.  Oh my gosh, I seriously want to vomit seeing my stomach fat.  I can't deal.  I should go back to living on fire balls like I did when I was in high school.  Ugh.  I wasn't going to work out tomorrow morning because I'm playing hockey in the afternoon, but I might have to.  Charro won't be too thrilled when I run to our sesh on Monday.

Okay, it's so weird.  I just looked in the mirror and I thought that I looked skinny, which is odd given the way I feel.  I don't get it one bit.  Ugh, why is this so complicated?

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