Friday, November 30, 2012

Oh yeah...I forgot

So I think I saw one of my field hockey players at the dermatology office right across from Charro's office, as I was coming out.  That is SO NOT COOL.  It would just be awesome if she saw her coach coming out of an office that says "Psychiatry" on it.  Yeah, I'm NOT okay with that.  I was hoping that she wouldn't come out and wait for the elevator with me, which she did not, thank God.  I would have died.  I did have some explanations for her to tell her why I was there, if it was her.  That caused me to sweat.  I would have told her that I was having breakfast with a friend.  Ha.  Breakfast was not a lie.

That wasn't bad

So breakfast was not bad at all.  Charro brought in a croissant and a banana.  That was it.  That was so not bad at all.  There were no calorie loaded drinks with whipped cream.  Thank God!! :)  WIF, we'll I didn't really make it but she didn't fire me so that's good.  She likes me too much to fire me. :) 

Now I must go to the gym, not because of breakfast, just because. :)

Breakfast soon

Breakfast in 1 hour 9 minutes.  Who's not excited?  I!!!  Breakfast and WIF, what's better than that?  Ugh.  This is going to blow!!  Wait until I whip out my 4 horse pills to take when we're done eating.  Maybe Charro won't have time to get breakfast.  Can I be that lucky?

Thursday, November 29, 2012

WIF and Breakfast tomorrow...yuck!

Tomorrow is WIF and breakfast day.  Ugh, can a sesh get any worse than that?  I don't think so.  This is going to be awful.  I'm going to tell her that she's not weighing me until after we eat, we'll see how well that goes over.  My guess is that it's not going to go over well.  My only hope is that she'll be so into the breakfast thing that she'll forget to weigh me. 

I've also laid off mentioning anything about Friday's breakfast in my food log, in hopes that she'll forget.  I doubt that will happen, but a girl can dream.

I think I'm SOL tomorrow because both things will happen.  Yuck!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Blah blah breakfast

I am SOOOO NOT looking forward to this breakfast with Charro on Friday.  This is going to suck a big one and it's not going to be fun at all.  I hope she doesn't expect me to finish everything she brings, which I know is going to be a muffin, because that's not going to happen.  Well, she didn't tell me what she's bringing but I bet a muffin and some beverage with a lot of calories is involved.  Ugh.  I'll have to run a million miles after.  This is going to suck a butt. 

I had breakfast for dinner tonight.  I'm sure she's not going to love that one either.  It was either that or a yogurt, because she is not fond of that.

I'm going on a date so I guess I should get ready for that.  Two dates in 4 nights, woo hoo.  Different guys too.  Hopefully this guy will be fun.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Breakfast situations

Okay, so we have a lot of breakfast situations happening these days.  First of all, Charro says I have to get rid of me "sticks."  Obviously, I don't have to listen to her, but I might for a little while.  She said I have to be done with them by the end of next week.  She's giving me that amount of time because I have 2 bags of them.  I told her I couldn't finish them in that amount of time.  Shes said that I should be able to and that I have to eat a bigger bowl of cereal.<>....LWL.P; (That was my cat getting in his two cents).  I don't think so.  So, that's one issue.

Issue number two...Charro is bringing in breakfast for us on Friday and I don't know what it will be because she won't tell me, but she did make mention of a latte and a muffin.  I don't even drink coffee.  What if she brings one of those things with whipped cream?  I'll freaking die.  I won't be able to do it.  Bad enough that I'll have to eat a muffin, but then I have to drink something with 5 million calories in it too.  I can't do that.  And I have to go in there having not eaten anything and then she's going to weigh me on an empty stomach.  Not cool.  I did buy some weights today though, those might come in handy.  Ugh.  Next week she wants to eat again because it's my birthday.  Ugh.

So those are my breakfast issues.  She's going to make me drink something with calories.  I don't drink my calories.  I will definitely have to go work out on Friday, that's for sure.  This is going to suck a big one.

I think there were some other things but I can't quite remember.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

I watched a movie and I cried tonight.  I cried a lot.  I never cry.  I even felt stupid crying in the dark, even though I was all by myself.  I watched this movie a year or two ago when I was home for Christmas and I cried then.  I remember that my dad gave this movie to my sister and her husband when they were going through a tough time and she wanted out.  She never watched it but I think my brother in law did.  The big problem with this movie is that the acting is really, really bad.

I guess I'll go to bed and hope that I get a good run in on the treadmill in the morning.  I need to run, run, run.  Run, run Rudolf!!  That's going to be me tomorrow and then I'll walk to Charro.

Paradise in a dream

I have to go outside soon and I don't want to because it's cold out.  I'm supposed to play field hockey later, but if we don't get more people to come we won't play.  Part of me hopes it gets canceled because it's so cold out, the other part of me needs to go and run around for two hours.  I need to run, run, run.

So my date goes, "So you're not going to go to the bathroom after you're done eating, are you?"  At first I thought that that was a very odd question to ask someone, then I realized he was making reference to a Seinfeld episode.

I'd like to sit on my couch all morning.  I was having the BEST dream...I was on a mini tropical, deserted island.  It was paradise...and then my alarm (which shouldn't have been set) went off.  I couldn't fall back to sleep and I couldn't go back to paradise.  It made me sad.  :(  I want paradise.

Charro tomorrow.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

A little date

I went on a date tonight...I probably won't see him again.  He was very nice, a gentleman and old fashioned, which I like, but our conversation wasn't all that exciting and I felt like we didn't really have much to talk about.  You can only discuss Seinfeld for so long.  He's also about 5'1" tall, which is not great, and bald.  I don't really care about the bald thing, but the height thing is an issue, even though he's a smidge taller than I am.

I feel disgustingly fat and huge after our dinner tonight too.  I hate that feeling.  Tomorrow is a full day of working out, which will be good because I need it.  I'm going to play field hockey in the freezing cold, but whatever.  I hate the cold but I have to do it.  It will be fun. 

Right now I need to go to bed.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Did I really think that?

I'm back in NY with my kitty cats.  They're happy I'm back.  I did some cleaning/dusting tonight in preparation for Christmas decorating tomorrow. 

I didn't weigh myself last night and I didn't even feel like weighing myself.  This is a first.  I was getting ready for bed and I looked at the scale and though, I don't need to weigh myself.  I don't think that has ever happened.  Charro's going to love hearing that.

I watched Frosty, the first Christmas special of the year for me.  I'm going to head to bed soon.  I have to get up early tomorrow to do stuff.  Isn't that specific?!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm thankful for A LOT of things, but that would take forever to list so I won't.

I went to the gym and saw mean Debbie.  I hate her.  I am definitely not thankful for her!!  I was on my way out when I saw her on the machine so I don't know if she saw me.  I dislike her greatly!!!!!!

I went to get gas and noticed that Walmart was open, so I went because I needed a few cleaning things for my apartment.  NO one was in there, it was awesome.  I got a few Christmas gifts in there.

I have to go check my sticky buns.  I made them.  My grandma always use to make them.  I also made an apple cranberry pie.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Shoes off!

I sort of survived WIW.  Well, I didn't pass so I have to be up next week.  I hopped on the scale with my shoes on, after she told me to take everything off.  I thought she wouldn't notice and then she said, "Take your shoes off."  Busted.  So I got off and took my shoes off and then she sort of patted me down.  I was wearing cargo jeans and have a bunch of tissues in one of my pockets because I have a cold.  I may have had some quarters in there too.  She goes, "What's in here?"  I said, "A million tissues."  She said, "Are you sick?"  I said, "I just have a cold, I'm fine."  She also touched my head, as a joke.  So yeah, I failed WIW but I didn't get fired.  Now I have to keep the stupid food logs longer when I was supposed to be able to stop today.  Sucks a butt.  WIF will continue as well.  Awesome!!

I don't feel great.  I'm stuffy and my eyes hurt.  I will sleep on the train.  I need to grab lunch too, I guess.  Ew.  I'm hungry but I'm not.

I guess that's about it.

WIW screwed

I am so screwed this morning.  I'm getting weighed in an hour and it's not going to be pretty.  Please, oh please, don't let Charro notice that I'll be wearing my shoes.  Ugh.  I've gotten away with wearing them the past two weeks and today I really need to have them on or she's going to think I've lost like 3 pounds.  Even with my shoes it's going to show weight loss and she's going to say something about that for sure.  I don't think she'll fire me today, but you never know.  Maybe she'll give me a week since I was good two weeks in a row.  I guess I'll find out soon.

I'm so tired too.  I had 9 hours of sleep last night and 10 the night before, but I'm fighting a cold so that's probably why I'm so tired.  I didn't get good sleep over the weekend either.

I guess I should brush my teeth and stuff so I'm ready to go.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

WIW tomorrow

We're back to WIW (which Charro LOVES saying) this week, since I will not see her on Friday.  I will have to eat a lot for the rest of the day to try and make this work, not sure how that's going to happen.  Maybe she'll give me a break since I made it two weeks in a row??  Hmm, probably not, but maybe.  Too bad we won't be having WIF because after Thanksgiving I'm sure I'd make it.

I am doing some serious cleaning today in preparation for my Christmas decorating.

Charro wanted to know why I wouldn't tell my parents that I needed to stop and get something to eat.  She said that I'm "uncomfortable spotlighting my hunger."  I don't think that's the case, I just don't like to take away from what I'm (and everyone else is) doing to stop and get food.  I told her that food is not important to me and she says that is has to be because it's "medicine."  Some people eat to live and others live to eat, I eat to live.

I hate when she tells me that I can't rely on my hunger cues.  That makes me so mad because I know when I'm hungry.  I can tell.  I can feel it so it bothers me when she says that I don't know and that I can't tell.  I can.  I can!!

I have too much crap in my apartment.  I would love to move my furniture around but I don't really know how to put it so I will leave it as is.  I just need to get rid of stuff...a lot of stuff.

Crap, I need to call Verizon for the millionth time.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Back in my own bed

I had a good weekend away with my family.  Things actually weren't stressful for me at all, which is good.  I worked out yesterday, which was also good, plus we walked around a lot, well, not that much, actually.

I got back in time to walk to Charro today.  It was a nice walk after having been sitting in a car for over 4 hours.  She wasn't too thrilled with my food log from the weekend, which I expected.  She said I have to stop and get food when I'm out and about and tell people I need to eat.  Well, I was at a museum one day and a zoo the other so it's not like I'm really going to get food there and take the time to stop what we were doing to get food, especially since we had time restraints.

I started with a sore throat Friday night, just at night while I'm sleeping and I've had that for the past three nights.  I'm starting to get a little stuffy.  I'm exhausted to so I will be in bed by 9 PM, which will be so nice. 

I think that's about it.  I can't wait to sleep in my own bed with my kitties.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Over and out for 2 days

I head out with the family tomorrow for 48 hours.  It should be interesting.  I will hopefully get to work out Sunday morning.  Hopefully no comments will be made about my food intake, I don't think there will be.  Let's hope my cat doesn't crap all over my apartment while I'm gone.  Ugh.

Charro thinks I have some anxiety.  She said, "I know you don't think you do, but I think you do."  I'm looking forward to my sesh with her on Monday.  I think we'll probably have a lot to talk about after the weekend.  She still wants me to get rid of my "sticks" but I can't do it.  I can't not have my Fiber One.  She wants me to not have them for a few months.  Um, no.

She's not going to be too thrilled with my food log today, I don't think.  I didn't really have dinner because I had a late lunch.  I don't really care at this point because I don't need to gain any weight.  I'll probably work out obsessively on Thanksgiving day, and the day after, and there's nothing wrong with that.  My stupid heart rate monitor is pissing me off because it keeps dying on me while I'm working out.  It was killing me during my run today. 

So, no blogging for me until Monday.  Sad day.  I wonder if I can blog from my phone.  Ha, that would have a ton of errors in it.  Maybe I'll try it.

Final WIF?

Today was one of those days where I wish I could have stayed and chatted (not chatted casually) with Charro because we were having a good sesh.  I passed WIF again.  Same deal as last time, she told me to take off my shoes and I didn't listen.  She didn't notice that I was wearing them.  She also told me to take off my sunglasses again, which I did not do either.  Oh well.  She didn't make me take my hat off today, which was odd.  She did make me lift up my shirt because she thought I was wearing my WIF jeans, which I was not.  I did have a pretty studded belt on though.  (Pretty, not as in attractive).

My cat shit everywhere this morning.  I mean, everywhere, and it was squishy and smelly.  Ugh.  I don't know what her deal is.  I hope it's not just because she's old.  This is not good.

Ironically, one of my friends asked me if I had "lost more weight" last night.  I had to laugh and say, "No, I actually gained weight."  None of them believed me, but it is true.  I said to Charro, "This is our last WIF."  She was like, "No it's not."  I said, "Yes, this is our last one and then you said we're going to do random ones."  She said something and I said, "Ya, I know you're going to do a random one that Friday after Thanksgiving."  She said, "Yep."  Good, I'd rather know when I'm going to get weighed than be surprised.

Okay, I must go to the gym now because I'm not quite sure what my workout situation is going to be like this weekend.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

WIF and Sticks

Tomorrow is WIF.  I have one more WIF, actually it will be WIW since I will see Charro on Wednesday instead of Friday next week, and then I'm done with WIF...sort of.  She's going to do random weigh-ins which is really going to suck.  Hopefully I'll be able to keep my shoes on tomorrow or I'll be really screwed.  Last week she told me to take them off but I pretended not to hear her so I had them on when she weighed me, which really, really helped out and allowed me to stay in therapy with her.  So, tomorrow is another WIF and another stressful morning to get through.  Last week I pointed out how you could see my heart beating through my shirt and she said, "Ew, that's gross."  I said, "At least it's beating."  She agreed on that.  I think we'll have a lot to talk about tomorrow.

I have also been eating my "sticks," as she calls them (Fiber One).  She's not going to be thrilled with that because I'm supposed to not be eating them for a week.  Oh well, they're easy and safe so I eat them.  Clearly I don't like "challenging" myself when it comes to food or exercise.  She would say, "So you want to hold onto you ED."  I guess, maybe I do.  It's really not that bad.  We'll see how it goes this weekend when I'm away with my entire family for 48 hours, in a hotel room, eating every meal together, not working out.  AH...we'll see how that goes.  I am bringing workout clothes with me in hopes that I will get to work out Sunday morning at the hotel. 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Why did I cut my hair?

I went and got my hair cut today and as I was getting it cut I thought, I should not be cutting my hair because I have WIF on Friday and I am going to weigh less now because I have less hair.  (I have a lot of hair).  So, bad move on my part and I will be sure to tell Charro that I may weigh less because I got my hair cut.  I'm sure she won't go for that, but she should and it's the truth!!

I'm thirsty.  I ate my sticks for breakfast this morning.  I will eat my sticks again tomorrow morning...sorry Charro, I need my sticks. 

My mom and I are going out to dinner and I'm not even hungry.  Clearly I have to eat.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Rachael Ray as my husband

I would want Rachael Ray to be my husband for the sole purpose of her cooking dinner for me every night.  There are obviously several problems with that, and several reason why that would never happen.  Let's start with the obvious...her food it pretty fattening!!  I can't be eating that every night or I'd be a blimp.  Hello people.  Occasionally it would be nice, or if I could tell to to make only low fat foods, then it might work out.  There are a few other reasons why Rachael could never be my husband...She's married, and I like men...or guys, I should say.  I don't like the word men when I'm referring to people I'd like to be dating because it makes them sound old, like "old men."  So, I refer to them as guys.  There in lies the reasons why Rachael Ray could never be my husband.

I do have to say, a lot of what she cooks looks very good and yummo, but I just think about how many calories and fat is in it and it freaks me out, which is why I don't make these dishes.  (You're right, I don't have a problem.;)

My workout kind of stunk this morning.  I didn't even break a sweat.  What's that about?  I clearly wasn't working hard enough.  I did an hour of cardio but it wasn't good.  Tomorrow is a day off because I'll be travelling, Thursday is a double workout, and then I'll have to work out Friday because I'm going away for the weekend and I don't know what's going to happen there.  I clearly can't bring my "sticks" with my because I'm going away with my whole family and if I whip out my "sticks" at breakfast my mom will undoubtedly make a comment.  It's going to be bad enough when I go to the gym to workout, I'll get a comment there too.  I guess I'll have to just be ready for these comments.  It should be an interesting weekend.  All of us in one hotel room.  Oh dear.  Maybe I should go stay in my brother's room with him, but that would be awkward because he doesn't say much. 

I have to say, after Christmas I plan on going back to 98 lbs.  Maybe Charro will stop weighing me at that point and I can get away with it. She won't notice the difference.  I'll be screwed if she makes me get on the scale and I'm not prepared for it.  One day at a time I guess.

Monday, November 12, 2012

No more sticks!?

So I'm watching the news and they're doing a story on the food pantry and how they really need food, which makes me think how can I eat food when people out there don't have food to eat?  I should suffer too.  Hmm, Charro will like to explore that, I'm sure.

Speaking of Charro, I had my sesh today.  She wanted to make a deal with me to not eat my "sticks" (Fiber One) for breakfast for two weeks.  I looked at her and told her that that is impossible.  She wants me to do it for a week now, starting tomorrow, which is not going to happen.  I can't do it.  It's my one meal that I'm sure about and it's comfortable for me.  I told her I'd think about why it's so scary for me to have something different and compile a least of reasons to share with her. 

She's not going to be happy with my food log today either.  I didn't really have lunch, because time didn't allow, but I am about to have dinner.  She said, "You know, you have to maintain your weight because we're not done with WIF."  I said, "I know...I hate WIF!!"

I guess I should go heat up my dinner.

By the way, I bought milk so I can have my stick tomorrow.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Lots of playing

Woo, I'm tired.  Done.  Shot.  I played some serious field hockey this morning and then played more this afternoon.  So, about 3 hours of field hockey today.  I think I gave myself whiplash diving to take a shot.  My head hurts so I have to take something for that.  Let's hope to God that I didn't give myself a concussion, I don't think I did though.  I can't wait to go to bed. 

I know I'm not going to want to move tomorrow, so I think I might skip the gym and just run to Charro.  It's a little less than 4 miles so it's not that much of a workout.  I think I realized today that if I hadn't played sports in college, my ED might have been a lot worse. 

I'm too shot to write now.

Friday, November 09, 2012

A weekend off

I got a break from the food log this weekend and it feels good.  I told Charro that I wasn't going to do it this weekend and she said that it's okay.  I told her I won't be around all weekend and I won't be able to write things down, she was okay with that.  It feels a little weird to not have to write and remember everything, but it feels so nice at the same time.  As much as I hate to admit it, it might actually help keep me accountable and eating, not that I didn't eat today, I did, but I find myself thinking, oh, I don't have to eat if I don't want to because I'm not writing it down.  Charro said I can stop doing the food logs on the 21st, that's the day before Thanksgiving.  She said, "I would like to see what your Thanksgiving is like, but you don't have to do it."  I told her that it's too hard to keep track on holidays anyway because there's so much picking and so much variety.  She agreed with me on that.  So, if all goes well with the next 2 WIFs, actually one WIF and one WIW (haven't had a WIW in a while and Charro is going to love saying that), then I don't have to do the food logs anymore.  YAY!!!  I can't believe Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away, that's just nuts.

So, getting serious for a moment, I know I'm doing myself a complete disservice with this whole Charro/weighing thing.  I get that.  I just think that I'm eating well, and eating much more than I use to, so if I don't gain weight then that's my body saying that I don't need to gain weight.  I'm not going to change the way I'm eating and I don't see why I need to gain weight, so this is how it is.  I guess if I really, really wanted to get better, then I'd be eating things that scare the crap out of me, which I'm not doing.  I feel like there's a lot I could discuss with Charro, but if I brought them up, then I'd really have to work on changing things and I don't really want to.

I just made apple sauce.  :)

Thank you, shoes!

I passed WIF today because of my shoes.  THANK YOU, SHOES!!  I do feel guilty about this and I have to live with this guilt.  I also have to make sure that I can wear my shoes the next two times I get WIFfed.  After that, WIF is over and she'll do random weigh-ins, which is more stressful than knowing I'm going to get weighed.  Charro did tell me to take my shoes and my sunglasses off, but I pretended not to hear her.  (I had my shades hanging from my shirt).  I don't really know how she could have missed that I forgot to take off my shoes and sunglasses, but she did and I passed WIF so that's really all that matters right now.  I do feel really bad about cheating.  Like I said, I'm the one who has to live with it.  I don't like being dishonest.

I came home to my apartment, which smells like cat pee, and that concerns me.  I hope my cats did not pee on the carpet and if they did, that means that there's something wrong with them.  I've learned that basil smells like cat pee and I have a basil plant sitting in my window, by my heater, so maybe the smell radiated.  Haha, get it?  Radiated.

I'm so freaking tired and my contacts feel like they're going to fall out.  I have a meeting in a bit and then I wil rip my contacts out of my eyes.

I need to think of some good stuff to talk to Charro about on Monday.  No more chit chat, it's time for business.
I have cramps and WIF.  Oh dear.  Can I just crawl back into bed?  Let's hope I don't puke after I eat my breakfast.  I need to eat so I can take some advil.  Sometimes food and cramps don't mix so well.

Thursday, November 08, 2012

It's not looking good

It's not looking good for WIF tomorrow.  Maybe I can shed a tear or two and she'll keep me???  Yes?  No?  Maybe?  I'm probably going to say she'll go with no.  :(  Oh well.  I have a feeling I won't sleep that much tonight.  This is going to suck a duck.  Maybe if I eat a bagel on the way there it will weigh me down?  Will it?  Oh dear!

Gorge time

I'm going to have to gorge myself all day in order to make WIF tomorrow.  I'll have to gorge myself in the morning too.  I'm not quite sure how I'm going to go about this, but I'll figure it out.  Hmm...

Charro keeps telling me to have a brownie sundae.  Um, where am I going to get the brownie and where am I going to get the sundae part of it.  I'm not going to make a thing of brownies for one brownie and I'm not going to go out and buy supplies for one sundae.

I don't like this one bit.  Tomorrow is going to suck!!

I'm in the Christmas spirit now that it's cold and snowy.  Time to start listening to Christmas music.  Almost time to start decorating.  Okay, I'll wait until after Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Cat puke

I haven't eaten dinner because I'm not hungry.  I don't really have anything good to eat here anyway.  There's cat puke on my floor and I have to empty the litter box.  I've been too busy looking up trips.  Maybe just a quicky to Florida, who knows.  I'm trying to convince my mom to go with me and my sister for our big birthdays. :)  We'll see.

Maybe I should empty the litter box and then clean up the cat puke.  I don't think dinner will be happening.  No desire.

Effin WIF on Friday.

2 more days

I'm sitting on the heating vent because it's freezing out.  Oh, and by the way, it's snowing too.  WHAT!!  This is not okay.  I'm not even going to talk about the election because I'll throw up, which would not be good because I apparently have an ED.  :)

Speaking of, the big, bad WIF is coming in 2 days.  This is not going to be fun or good or whatever else it might be.  So, come Friday I may be Charro-less.  If that's the case, I can always go back to seeing Stephanie, but I won't go to anyone at that point.  I'll just remain as is and all will be fine.  I can stop keeping these damn food logs too.  I think if Steph didn't make me keep them I might consider going to see her, but no more food logs.  I've already decided that I am not going to do them this weekend, even if I don't get fired on Friday.  I'm taking the weekend off and she can't do anything about it. :)  I'm going to be nervous on Friday and my heart will be beating out of my chest.

The end.  It's cold.  I'm fleeing the country until 2016.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

Jeans freakout

I just put on my jeans and they are squeezing my thighs so tight that I might lose my limbs if I don't take them off.  This is so NOT okay.  I tried the walking lunges to loosen them up.  Maybe I washed them and don't remember, which is why they're tight, I really don't know.  Maybe my hamthighs have grown tremendously in size, which is why they looked like encased sausages.  Whatever it is, it's not okay.  I need to start running more. 

I sprayed too much perfume on me and now that's all I can smell.  Ugh.  If I can smell it, than it's definitely too much.

Monday, November 05, 2012


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Friday is do or die

Charro and I discussed WIF and getting fired today.  She said if I wear "those jeans" that I'm going to get fired.  I said, "What if I wear spandex underneath them?"  She said, "To add more weight?"  I said, "No, so I can take my pants off."  She said, "That would be weird." 

It's known that her office is about 500 million degrees in the winter and about 5 below in the summer, so the window is always the summer to warm it up, and in the winter to cool it off.  Anyway, she said, "I wish I had my bathing suit on.  Oh, that's an image."  I didn't say a word.  She also said that she's going to run the marathon in a few years, which I responded with, "then I'm going to run it."  Of course that sparked a conversation.  She wanted to know why so I told her that if she is going to run it then I'm going to run it.  If she can do it, I can do it. 

Hmm, I have to make WIF on Friday.  I told Charro that I'm done with the stupid food logs come Friday.  She said, "No you're not."  I said "Yes I am.  If I get fired then I don't have to do them anymore and if I don't get fired, then I'm not doing them anymore."  She didn't like that and said, "You're paying me so you're going to keep doing them."  If I'm paying her, shouldn't I get to do what I want to do?? ;)

Charro thinks I have low self-esteem which causes my ED.  I don't think so.  She also wanted to discuss why I'm such a competitive person.  I can't help it, I like to win!!  I told her that I am scared of getting hit in the head (with a field hockey ball) and she said, "That's good, that means that you care more about yourself."  Okay.

So, Friday is the big day.  I don't know what's going to happen.

A Normal Monday

I haven't had a normal Monday in about a month.  By normal I mean, walking to Charro's and actually seeing Charro.  Last week I obviously didn't see her because there was, um, a hurricane.  The week before that I saw her an hour earlier so I had to take the subway.  The week before that I saw her early in the morning.  So now, we're back to normal.

This may be my last Monday with Charro, if I get fired on Friday.  If I get fired, eh, I get fired, not much I can do about it, I guess.  I would miss out on some extra walking, which means I'll have to spend more time in the gym.  I'll save some money and can go on vacation, I guess. 

I might see some storm damage on my way down there.  If I walk by NYU Langone, the hospital that had an emergency evacuation last week, I may seem something. 

So, that's it.

Sunday, November 04, 2012

HRM breakdown

I had a heart rate monitor breakdown (it, not me) two days in a row.  It keeps not working on me in the middle of my workouts, which is so not okay and I freak out about it a little.  I stopped and got a new batter for it today so hopefully that will make the difference.  It's not that old so it shouldn't have died but hope this solves the problem.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Seeing the images

I've been seeing the images and videos of Hurricane Sandy all week long and they still get me.  I just looked at some more photos and watched a documentary and it leaves me speechless.  The magnitude of what happened around here is just crazy.  I remember seeing images of Katrina and hearing about how bad it was, and you can see that damage and destruction and you hear the peoples' stories, but you can't really grasp the magnitude of the situation unless you live in the area and are getting that constant local coverage.  I saw the stories that hit the National airwaves with Katrina, now I'm seeing every local story and seeing the first hand accounts of how horrific this all is.  It's hitting me more and more each day.  I cleaned out my closet today so I can donate some clothes.  It's getting cold here and people don't have heat, it's becoming dangerous for many.  It seems surreal to me.

Riding the bus

Last night I rode the bus.  I thought about walking but I hopped on the bus because it was free and I thought I'd take advantage of that.  Anyway, I got talking to two women who live downtown and have no power.  They were hoping that they'd go home to power.  One of them said that they had gotten a call saying power was back in her building.  It was nice to chat to people other than my friends.

So it's Saturday.  I think our field hockey field got flooded the other day so I don't think we'll be playing tomorrow.  I need that extra exercise.  I have Charro on Monday and then the dreaded WIF on Friday.  Blah!  I don't know how the hell I'm going to make myself weigh 104 on her scale on Friday.  I'm going to whip out the heaviest sweater I have and see where that takes me, even if it means I sweat to death on my way there.  It's either that or sianaro.  (I have no idea how to spell that). 

So I mapped out how far Charro walked to work and it was over 5 miles.  I'm going to tell her she was "walking too much."

It drives me insane that Charro thinks everthing I do has to do with "the eating disorder."  The other day our elevators weren't working and I had to be somewhere so I took the stairs.  She goes, "Ooh, the eating disorder was like I can take the stairs."  I was like, "No, I had to be somewhere and I hate waiting for the elevator so I would take the stairs regardless,"  She thinks everything I do is ED related when it's not, including my gum chewing, which has nothing to do with anything.

Ugh, my cat just did a stinker!!

Friday, November 02, 2012

WIF waived one last time

I'm trying to figure out the difference between Charro's scale and mine because I'm clearly miscalculating this every week.  I went in today thinking that I was going to be where she wanted me to but I was not.  She said I need to gain a pound by next week or we're done for real.  I know, if anyone is actually reading this blog you're thinking, "How many times have I heard this?"  I know, I'm thinking the same thing.  Last week she didn't fire me because she felt badly for not responding to my email.  Today she didn't fire me because of the whole hurricane situation.  Next week, I'm gone, unless I'm at that magic number.  I wore my WIF jeans today too, and she caught me.  (The heavy ones).  I'm going to have to come up with something for next week, nothing is as heavy as my WIF jeans.  Maybe it will be really cold and I can wear a huge sweater.

So Charro walked from her home in Brooklyn to work.  Charro doesn't really walk the much, I don't think, and I'm sure she doesn't walk quickly, so I'm sure she had to leave at like 6 AM to get to work today.  So nuts.  Then, she has to walk home too?  Maybe she'll take the bus or something.  Nuts.

Okay, so the NYC Marathon is going on, which I, and everybody else I've talked to, thinks is a bad idea.  I understand why they want to go through with it, but no one really thinks it's a good idea. 

I sent Charro the wrong food log so I just sent her the real one.

I went for the study I am doing today.  I have to go back in 6 months.  There were some ED questions before and after, but then the actually study was brain stuff, like puzzles and memory things.  It was cool.

Thursday, November 01, 2012

So, tomorrow...

I really don't know what will happen with WIF tomorrow, if we even have WIF.  I still don't know how Charro is going to be able to make it into the city.  People are lined up for hours just to get on the bus from Brooklyn to Manhattan, that's not even including the commute once you get on the bus.  I really have a feeling that she's not going to make it it.  However, if she does make it in, she's so going to fire me.  Hmm, so what's better, her not making it in or me going and then getting fired?  It's kind of a toss up.  I'm hoping she'll go easy on me since I didn't get to see her on Monday.  Let's be honest here for a minute, even if I do gain the weight, I'm just going to lose it after she stops weighing me.  Maybe I shouldn't even be seeing her anymore since I have no desire to intentions of gaining weight or keeping weight.  Maybe it's all just pointless and a waste of money.  I do like seeing her and talking to her about stuff, that's why it would be sad if she did fire me.  I guess we'll see.  I'll either get an email from her later saying she's not going to make it in or I will see her in the morning. 

Now that it's getting cold out, I need to get use to the treadmill.  That is not fun!!