Wednesday, October 31, 2012

It's Halloween, I almost forgot

I love Halloween!!!  I went trick or treating with the kids I babysit for.  I would have worn a costume except I didn't know I was going with them.  I am obviously too old to ask for candy but I have no problem walking around in a costume.

Every street in Manhattan is like a parking lot.  I have to say that everyone is doing a fantastic job to try and get things back to normal as quickly as possible.  Kudos to all of the workers.  My parents also got their power back today, so that makes me happy.

I'm hungry and I need to eat dinner, although I don't know what I want.  I think I want some veggies.

I saw the anorexic girl at the gym today (we use to chat when we'd see each other but I haven't seen her in a while).  Well, I have to say, she didn't look so anorexic anymore.  This is the reason why I do not want to "recover."  She was not fat by any means, she was actually normal, but I just like the really skinny look, so that's what I want to have.

Okay, I'm going to go make dinner.

A stopped city

It's kind of crazy to think that there is no subway service or train service anywhere.  I was supposed to go home today, but obviously I didn't because there is no train service and there is no power at home, so I'm here, which is fine.  I canceled my doctors appointment for tomorrow.  I sent Charro an email about Friday saying that I'm sure she won't be in, but she'll let me know.  Traffic is a complete nightmare because the only way to get around the city is by bus, car or foot.  I told the woman I'm babysitting for that she would be better off walking to her destination than trying to get a cab, which would probably be impossible to get anyway.  She'd be sitting in traffic for 9 days if she got in a cab.  The clean-up has begun though.

So I emailed Charro and told her to "be nice" to me if we do see each other on Friday.  I told her it was a hard week.  I don't know if she'll be nice or not, if I do see her.  She should be, but of course I'd think that.

I need to get dressed.  It's chilly out.  I'll go to the gym later and hit the treadmill. 

The pictures from this storm still amaze me.

Oh yeah, Happy Halloween.  I forgot it was Halloween.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Watching the coverage

I've kind of been glued to the TV watching all of this hurricane coverage.  It's just beyond disastrous.  Everyone I know is safe, which makes me feel better.  It's horrible though. 

I did go out and walk around to check out damage around here.  Where I am there isn't much damage, there was a lot of flooding but you can't really see anything but debris left behind from that.  The city is a mess though.

Charro is not going to be so thrilled with my food logs this week.  Maybe she see a correlation between my lack of seeing her and my poor food log.  Hmm, maybe I'm over it and don't care anymore.  I don't really know.  I just thought about that one.  I really don't think I'll be seeing her on Friday because of the transportation situation here.  It's going to take a long time for the city to recover.  My thought was, I had a late lunch so I don't need to eat dinner.  I wasn't hungry so I just had some snacks tonight.  That's not gonna fly.

I guess I should get ready for bed.  I finally got my heat to work, which is nice.  I kept thinking that I was cold, but then I would think about how millions of people are a lot colder than I am because they're sitting in the dark without heat, lights, or anything.  My thoughts are with everyone.  I hope my parents get power back soon, but it could be at least 5 days.  I just think about all of the food that's going to go bad in their 3 freezers and 2 refrigerators.  :(

I survived

I  made it through the storm, as did my family...Thank God.  It's just a disaster everywhere... Awful!!!

My gym is closed but I got an email for a guest pass to another gym a block away so I'm going to go there.  It's a nicer gym anyway.  I'm hoping to go out and take pictures later, when the rain stops.

I have a feeling that I won't be seeing Charro for a while...People can't get in or out of the city.  There's no transportation and there won't be for a while.

Monday, October 29, 2012

The storm

So, the lights keep flickering here, hopefully we won't lose power.  The wind is crazy!!  My parents have no power, my sister does.  This is just a disaster and the damage is going to be horrible and that makes me sad.

On a positive note, let's hope the gym is open tomorrow so I can workout for a while.  If it's not open, well I'll figure something out.  I'll workout in my apartment or something. 

I just lost my TV signal.  The wind is nuts and it's lightening.  Weird, my TV has power but my cable box has none.  I need to figure this out and try to get through the night.

Best news today...

The gym is OPEN!!!  Yay!!  I got there before 9 AM to make sure that I beat the crowd and made it before they decided to close.  Workout done!!  Yay!!  I am going to go to the river and check out flooding, then I will shower and cook for my hurricane party!! :) 

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Shut down

As expected, I won't be seeing Charro tomorrow because they've basically shut down the city as of 7 o'clock tonight.  I was just out and about and it's nice because no one is out there.  So, no Charro until possibly Friday...WIF.  Does that mean that if I don't pass WIF then I get another week because she wasn't there to "support" me and help me through it?  I'm probably pushing my luck with that.  I wonder if she'll ask if I want to see her on Wednesday morning.  I guess at this point no one really knows what's going to happen here so there's not point in making plans.

As for the "I'll send you emails every day to cheer lead you" thing, well, that hasn't happened.  I didn't really think she'd remember that she was going to do that, but I was curious as to what she might say.

I am pretty sure that my gym is closed tomorrow, and possibly on Tuesday, which is so not cool.  I don't know how I'm going to survive that.  I do have a Reebok slide under my bed, so I can whip that out and try to do my own boring class for an hour.  I can also run the stairs...all 40 stories of them.  I would be dead after 7 floors, let's be honest.  What I need is some other crazy obsessed person to do it with me so I can be pushed to do it.  I have some weights here so I can do some weights too.  I need to do something because I'm just getting fatter...which is essentially what Charro wants but it's not what I want.

I'm thirsty.

Another study

I qualified for the research study that I called about last week.  I start on Friday.  I just have to go twice for a couple of hours.  I'm not really sure what it's about, but I think there is some compensation, which is cool.  I was hoping that I'd get to see Stephanie because it's at the same place, however, I found out that I will be in a different building so I will not see her.  I did email her asking her if it was okay if I said hi if I saw her while I was there and she responded with "I would love to say hi if I'm around when you are here for the study and I do hope our paths cross again."  I thought that was nice.  This was before I knew I wasn't going to be in her office.  I would like to read into the "I do hope our paths cross again," but I don't know where to start.  She hopes we work together again??  She hopes we run into each other and end up hanging out?  I know she likes me and I think if we didn't work together, even though I don't really consider us really working together because one time it was for a study and the other time it was when I was seeing her while Charro was on maternity leave, and I feel like we'd be friends if we hadn't met the way we did.  Oh well.  She's so into being "ethical" and thinks that we couldn't ever be friends.  I tried to tell her we could because she wasn't my real T.

I have to get dressed and go teach aerobics soon.  I hope that field hockey isn't canceled because I love playing and I want the extra workout.  I have a feeling that it's going to be though.  I heard that NYC is closing the parks at 5 PM, which is so not cool.  The storm isn't even coming until tomorrow.  This is just getting out of hand.

I'm supposed to weigh 104 on Charro's scale on Friday.  I have a feeling that I'm not going to get to see her tomorrow, because the city is going to shut down.  Seriously, they're going to shut down everything at 7 PM tonight.  The storm isn't until tomorrow night people, come on!!!  Not cool.  What a doozy.  I'm ready for my hurricane party though.  Oh, so if I don't get to see Charro tomorrow, which let's face it, I won't be able to, then maybe she'll feel like I'm not getting the support to get my weight up for Friday and she'll give me another week.  Can I get that lucky?  She hasn't sent me any emails yet either, like she said she would.  Hmm, I can cry "lack of support" if I really wanted to, but I would never because I don't really feel that way anyway.

Oh, so I start the study on Friday.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

The "Sandy" freakout

So "Sandy" is coming this way.  Everyone's freaking out as if the world was going to come to an abrupt end.  I, however, embrace these types of things nature throws at us and host Hurricane Parties!!!  WOO HOO!  I'm making it a potluck this time because I don't feel like cooking for everyone.  Fun!  I don't know when it will be yet either, I'm waiting for them to shut down the city and then we'll have it.  The storm is two days away still and the media is acting like it's coming now.

So, I've been in a bit of a, hmm, funk is too strong of a word, since yesterday.  I really don't think that I'm going to be able to do this whole thing Charro wants me to do.  1.5 pounds by Friday...let's be honest, it's not happening and she'll be able to tell it's not happening when she looks at my food logs.  It's too exhausting to think about so I won't.  I'll just go on with my life, which today means going for a run, going to the store and making something for the Halloween party I'm going to, and then figuring out what on earth I'm going to dress up as.  Hmmm...decisions.

I freaking LOVE Halloween, just saying.  Tomorrow I guess I'll have to take in all of my outside stuff so it doesn't blow off of my balcony and kill someone.  I am hoping field hockey doesn't get canceled.  I need to go to the grocery store again tomorrow and get stuff for my hurricane party. 

I have yet to receive my "Cheering you on" email from Charro today.  My guess is that it won't happen, which is fine.  I wonder when she'll remember that she said she'd email me, probably never.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Yesterday Fun day and WIF. Blah

So, I didn't make it today.  I did not pass WIF.  Blah.  Lucky for me, Charro is giving me one more week, only because I had sent her an email on Tuesday, which she never responded too, and she feels like if she had responded things might have been different today.  Basically I have to be up 1.5 pounds by next Friday, which I don't really think is possible.  She told me that I have to eat 3000 calories a day, which is so not possible.  She said, in response to me saying "I'd be full," "If you were in house, they wouldn't care if you were full, they would just tell you to keep eating."  Well, I'm not "in house" so no one can tell me to "keep eating."

Blah, so yeah, I get another week and then I'm sure I'll be on a break.  Blah.  She said to me, "The reality is, you are at a low weight and you will continue to be at a low weight if you make this 1.5 effing pound weight gain."

So yesterday was FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!  :)  I got to see my favorite singers up close and personal all day long.  Yay.  We chatted.  I gave one of them some cookie.  Good times.  The concert was awesome.  LOVE IT!!!

I went to dinner with some of the crew guys.  On our way there one of them goes, "it doesn't matter, you're just going to throw it up anyway."  Then another one goes, "Let me see your knuckles, are they all bloody?"  I said, "Nope, I don't puke."  They kept joking about it, so when we got back from dinner I said, "I'm going to the bathroom to throw up now."  They were sitting right outside the bathroom, because it was a single bathroom in the office and they could hear me peeing, so I was talking to them while I was peeing because that's awkward.  I was telling Charro this and told her they were joking.  She said, "People don't go around saying that to me."  She said, "This is really problematic, you're looking too gaunt."  I said, "I am not looking gaunt."  She said, "You look gaunt.  You'll look better."  She told me that I have to accept that my perception is off and their is a distortion in the way I see myself.

I'm tired but I'm going to get my butt out to run.  My hip is starting to burn again, but it doesn't hurt yet, so that's good, just the burning sensation.

So Charro said that she "knows I can do this" and that she "really cares about me" so she will be "cheering me on every day."  I said, "Subliminally?"  She said, "No, I'll send you an email everyday."  We'll see if that happens.  I think she'll forget.

So, we're supposed to get this stupid hurricane Sandy, but who knows what's going on.  It's going to screw up my week next week, that's for sure.  I just hope my family and friends at home will be okay.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Big two days

Today is a big day...a big day of things that are going to be really freaking fun and hopefully awesome.  So, that is good.  I haven't been sleeping well and I know tonight is going to be a late night, so I was hoping to sleep in, but I woke up at 5 AM.  Ugh.  One of my friends was supposed to stop by at 8 AM, which I wasn't thrilled about, but he ended up not being able to make it.  I need to make pumpkin bread go for a run before 11 AM, which doesn't leave me much time.  I have to shower and head out for fun after that.

Tomorrow is NOT going to be a day of fun.  It's WIF...and it's not going to be pretty!  I probably will end up getting fired and I'll be pissed and sad.  Ugh, I may freak out.  It's quite possible, especially if I'm really tired, which I most likely will be.

I might be starting a study tomorrow too.  I was hoping that I might get Stephanie as my therapist but she hasn't been approved to administer them yet.  Maybe I'll get to see her.  I sent her an email asking her if it was okay to say hi if she was around.  She's got crazy rules, probably because she's still in school and is like beyond ethical.

I would love to keep typing but I have to start this damn bread.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Car accident dreams

I don't know where this dream came from, but I had a dream I was in a bad car accident, the second car accident dream I've had in a few days...should I be extra cautious today when I get into my car?  Anyway, I was in the car with two of my friends and we were in the back seat.  Two young (like 20s) girls were driving.  They rounded the bend too fast and we went off the cliff into the ocean.  As we were free falling I said, "open the windows," (so we'd be able to get out of the car in the water).  The three of us in the back survived unscathed, but the two girls in the front were complete decapitated.  One was cut off at the waist and I don't know about the other.  The body bags were put on them and I stood there shaking.  People took us into a nearby auditorium to sit there.  There were other people in there, people who witnessed the accident.  We sat up from and then the door opened.  I looked up and it was Stephanie (fill in T) and her mom walking down.  I was in the car with Steph's sister, who was my friend, but I didn't know they were related.  Stephanie saw me and obviously knew who I was and acknowledged me without others knowing and then pretended (for my privacy) to not know me.  She introduced herself and told us she was here to talk to us for the entire week because she was a therapist and knew our experience was very traumatic.  She was concerned that this was going to spiral my ed completely out of control.

So, that was my dream.  I have to say, I'm pretty concerned about Friday and WIF and how I'm most likely going to end up fired.  This is not going to be good.  I'm also really, really hating my weight and the fact that I've gained 2 pounds.  I want it gone!

Monday, October 22, 2012

Stinky WIF is coming

WIF is going to stink on Friday.  I'll probably get fired.  I was/am so tired today that I was like a floppy bean bag in my sesh today.  Charro was like "What's wrong with you?  You're all out of sorts."  I said that I was tired.  She said that she's going to strip me down on Friday for WIF so I should not wear all crazy dangling things and stuff, whatever "dangling things" means.  I don't really have "dangling things."  That might have been her exact word but it was something like that.  I told her I was going to wear my bikini so she wouldn't have to strip me down.  Ugh.

I said something to her about my blog.  I told her how people have asked me if she reads it and I was said, "No, she has much better things to do.  She's very busy and the last thing she wants to do in her free time is read my blog."  She was like, "I wouldn't even know how to find it.  Would I just search 'palmtreechick?'"  I was like, "yep, it would come up."  Let's home she doesn't do that, but I'm guessing she will not.

Seriously, can I go to bed now?

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Busted breakfast

Breakfast was a big bust today.  My milk went bad AGAIN!!  What's going on here with this situation??  I'm going to try turning up my fridge but everything will probably freeze.  So then I moved to yogurt.  I tried this new brand because it was cheaper and I didn't like it in strawberry the other day so what would make me think that I'd like it in fig??  I don't even like fig.  Well, I made it through two bites and was like this is the most disgusting thing in the world, time for the trash can and ended up having a piece of the pizza I made for dinner last night.  Now I need to make a dessert for a party I'm going to. 

I made a berry cobbler last night and it was quite tart.  I didn't put much sugar in it and the only sugar I used was for the topping, so it was the tartest thing in the world.  My friend was like, "Yep, it's a little tart."  Haha.  I might bring some to Charro tomorrow, she likes things tart.

I guess I should go make this dessert since I have to leave here in 45 minutes.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Seeing skinny women on the street is really upsetting and depressing.  Why does every women in NYC look like a model.  The End. :)

Numb Toe

One of my toes is numb quite a bit.  I am attributing it to the foot injury I had in the winter.  I was playing with it the other day in my sesh and Charro was like "What's going on with your toe?"  I told her and I kept playing with it.  She's like, "Do you think you can stop touching your toe for 2 seconds?"  Then she was like, "Okay, put your jacket over it. I can't look at this anymore."  It was funny.  It's still numb.

I can't leave any mugs or glasses of water out because my cat sticks his head in them and starts drinking.  This poses a big problem.  I cover the glasses and he knocks the paper off and sticks his head in there.  I'm trying to drink out of water bottle less, but he is not helping me do that.  He's so lovey.  He has to sit next to me constantly.

I just got sidetracked because my guy is being so cute.  I was taking pictures on my phone and editing them.

I guess I should get ready to go for a run.

Friday, October 19, 2012

WIF song passed...

But I didn't pass WIF.  So, Charro made me take my boots off, which was not cool.  Then I got on the stupid scale and I was "lost weight" since last week, which is completely not true, but on her scale it was because I didn't have shoes on this time.  FYI, I'm going to wear my WIF jeans again next week.  So she said that I have to gain a pound by next week or we have to take a break.  I tried to tell her that it was because I had shoes on last week but she didn't agree with that.  Whatever, I can make it work for next week, not a problem.

She did like my WIF song, although I refused to sing it, I just spoke the words.

I learned today that Charro is getting her PhD.  Wow.  Impressive.  I was like "How do you do it all?"  She pointed to her coffee and said, "I don't get much sleep."  She has two kids, works full-time (more than one job) and is in school.  I'm very impressed.  I told her that she is my idol.

Why does she have to be thin after having two kids.  I wish I looked like she does.

I'm sleepy.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Improv WIF song

I think I need to write a song about WIF.  I can't promise anything, but here it goes.  It's to the tune of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot."

When I come in on Fridays you weigh-eigh-eigh me.
I don't like it, I feel like I'm three.
You say, "get on," let's get down to it.
You better be up, or we'll have to call it quits.

WIF me on your scale.
You're gonna WIF me on your scale.
WIF me on your scale.
I hate this day.

I get on with my shoes on and you don't care.
I don't hide weights in my underwear.
You say "good job," you made it today.
Keep on going so that you can stay.

WIF me on your scale.
You're gonna WIF me on your scale.
WIF me on your scale.
I hate this day.

You say you don't like to be the police.
I nod my head and say capisce.
I step off of the scale and I say hoo-ray
I didn't get fired, no not today.

WIF me on your scale.
Get on!
WIF me on your scale.
WIF me on your scale.
I hate this day.

Okay, that took about 10 minutes, not that bad. 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Yesterday and today were busy days, which I like.  I just got home and I have to change and leave again and won't be back until 9:30.  I was happy to get back to see my kitties.  I missed them.  One of them is being crazy right now.

It's not going to be as cold as I'd like it to be for WIF on Friday.  It is going to be rainy though.  Hopefully she won't make me take off my rain boots before I hop on the scale.  I'm guessing she might, but who knows.  I don't really mind WIF right now because I can make it work, but if we're still doing this in the Spring, we might have a problem.

My parents haven't said anything to me about food, weight, etc. in a very long time, so that's a good thing.  :)  I wonder if they notice anything different.

I have a sort of busy day again tomorrow.  Saturday I don't have to do anything but work out, which is good.  :)  I hope I'll have to babysit, that would be nice because I could use the cash. 

K, time to get going.

OH, we had an earthquake last night.  It was the coolest thing.  I was eating dinner and I thought my dad was doing something with his legs under the table and then I realized it was an earthquake.  I could hear and see things moving.  It was awesome.  It lasted about 8 seconds.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Ohh, cats!

I woke up this morning to putting my hand in something poop remnants.  Awesome.  That got me out of bed pretty quickly!  I also woke up, last night, to cat puking noises and cat puke on the floor.  Last night, I forgot my cat drank out of my water glass and then I proceeded to drink out of it after his butt licking tongue had been in there.  EW!!!  YUCK!

I have to get through WIF this week and then I feel like I can try and drop a pound or two.  We'll see. 

I need to get dressed and ready to head home but I don't really feel like getting up.  I don't have much of a choice, unless I want to miss my train. 

I want to be thinner.  That's all.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Times up, time to run

I'm heading out for a run in about 4 minutes.  My legs are tired from playing field hockey for 2 hours yesterday.  It was such a freaking blast and the weather was perfect!!  Towards the end I think my body was like "I'm done," because my legs started shaking like crazy.  They do that sometimes.  I can't wait until next Sunday.

Oh, speaking of running, Charro and I were discussing marathons this morning and how I would never ever run one.  She, I know, feels the same way.  Anyway, she chimes in goes, "You know, I'm running the marathon in a few weeks."  I was like, "Huh??  You are?  No."  She said, "Yes, I've been keeping it from you but I'm running in a few weeks." She went on and I actually believed her for a minute, even though I know she would never ever run one.  She finally goes, "Got ya."  I said, "You did have me there for a minute."

She said that my face didn't get fatter, like I said it did.  I said, "Well of course you'd say that. You wouldn't tell me that my face got fatter."

I saw a girl with a Renfrew bag on the subway.  She got off at that stop.  I wanted to ask her if she goes there as she proudly carried her purple Renfrew bag.

Times up, gotta go running.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Making a change

I can stop eating now because I weigh 3000 pounds.  The workouts are going to be kicked into high gear and the eating can stop a little bit.  I'll be doing about 3 hours of physical activity today, which will be good.  Tomorrow I'll go for a run.  I'll go from there.  My life is going to be less busy after next week, so it will be much easier to work out more.  I'll also be walking 8 less miles a week because I won't be walking back and forth to school, so I have to keep that in mind too.

I can't drink out of my glass because my cat just did.  I guess I have to get up.

It's possible that I'll get ill from the bad milk I just had in my cereal.  I was too lazy to go get new milk so I had bad milk.  It would really be ashame if I lost like 3 pounds from that.  ;)

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Too Cute

I'm watching "Too Cute."  It's all about kittens and they are sto stinking adorable and I want every single one of them.  One of my cats enjoyed watching a little bit of it as well.  Her head was going back and forth, it was cute.

I'm feeling fat.  I need to work out more.  Tomorrow starts me kicking it into high gear.  I'll teach class and then play field hockey for two hours, so that should be good.  I can't decide if I'll run to Charro's on Monday or not.  I'm seeing her early, so I'd have to leave around 8 AM and it will be cold then, so I'm not so sure I want to run.  It's going to warm up to 75 that day.  If I was seeing her at my normal time, I would totally run.  I guess I could run in the park before I go to practice.  That will work.  Maybe I'll do that.  Yep, that sounds like a plan.

So yeah, I need to work out more.  It's going to cool down again towards the end of the week, which will be good for WIF. 

OMG, I want these kittens.  They are so cute.

The disordered part of me wishes I had the desire to run a marathon, but I don't really like running and would be bored out of my mind, so that would never happen.

I totally got up in the middle of this and just started doing other things.  Do I all of a sudden have ADD?  Oh well.

I worked out for an hour, but it wasn't enough.  I should have run for an hour.  I need to get back into running on the treadmill for an hour now that's it's getting cold out.  The only problem is that The Closer isn't on anymore so I can't watch it while I run.  Sad day.  That will make it hard.
Just got back from a game.  I need to get my ass to the gym to work out because I didn't work out yesterday.  I'm also feeling a little fat, but that's not why I have to go to the gym.  I'm tired, but I can sleep later.  My apartment has clothes strewn everywhere because I've work 40 layers in the past two day.  Today turned out to be much warmer than I thought it would be, but I would rather over dress than under dress.  I was waiting for the sock mark to go away on my leg and it's almost gone, so now I can go to the gym.  The end.

Friday, October 12, 2012

The Funnies

So Charro's Iphone was on and she had to shut it off because she heard music coming from.  I asked her what she was listening to and she said, "Eminem."  I thought that was pretty funny.

She touched her ear and realized that she had two earrings in one hole.  How funny is that?!  She goes, "No wonder why everyone was looking at me funny on the subway today."  It was pretty funny.  She kept saying how everyone was giving her weird looks.

My stupid recorder stopped recording two minutes into our sesh.  I don't know what happened.  I didn't find this out until I got home.

WIF - Final Round (sort of)

Today was D-Day for WIF.  I passed.  I didn't get fired today.  :)  My heart was pounding out of my chest while I was waiting for Charro.  Okay, let me clarify this passing thing, I did have really heavy shoes on, which she didn't make me take off.  I wore heavy jeans too.  After she weighed me I said, "I guess I can take these (shoes) off now."  I said, "What, I'm not trying to hide the fact that I was wearing them."  If she really subtracted everything I had on, I wouldn't have made it, but she didn't so I'm still home free. :)

I'm freaking tired.  I need a nap.

So, (Okay, I totally forgot what I was going to write).  This wasn't it, but I asked Charro if I could stop doing the food logs and she said, "just a couple more weeks."  I'm certainly going to hold her to that.  I HATE those things.  She said that I'm "really good at them" so she wants me to keep doing them.  I hate them.  I told her that it's like a job and they're annoying.  I hope I am done with these things in 2 weeks.  I sent her the email last night with the FL attached and I said, in HUGE letter, "I HATE FOOD LOGS!!"  She liked that.

So I have another week to be free of WIF.  Next Friday we'll do it again so I'll have to figure out what to wear because nothing is as heavy as those shoes and jeans I had on today.  Hopefully she won't make me take my shoes off.  I wonder if she remembers what the number on the scale was because I don't and that's odd for me.

WIF Time

Ugh...That's all.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Tinsel head

I got two little strands of tinsel like things in my hair yesterday and now I have a permanent headache.  I don't think I can get them out without chopping out those strands of hair.  Not goo at all.  HELP!  I think they need to grow out a bit before I can get rid of them.  I don't want a permanent headache.

You know what else is going to give me a headache, and perhaps a stomach ache...WIF?  Blah.  I'll have to try on some outfits tonight, for tomorrow.

Fat Charro

I had a dream last night that Charro was a bit overweight.  I can't really remember what went on in the dream.  I do know that I went to go see her and something happened, I don't know if someone else was there or what, but we ended up not having a sesh.  I saw her later on teaching a class in my basement.  I went down there and there was she, and she was kind of fat.  Now this is bizarre and I don't know what it means, but she was standing there in khaki shorts and a bra and her underwear were hanging out of her shorts, making her fat fall puff over everything.  (it was beyond a "muffin top").  I couldn't figure out why she was standing there half naked, nor could I figure out how she gained so much weight all of a sudden.  It was weird, that's for sure.  If I do share this dream with her, I'll leave out the half naked part, because that would just be really awkward to say to her.  It's just weird but it must have meant something.  I know I was really focused on her stomach and love handles hanging over her shorts, so maybe that's why. 

I'm so cold and my heat won't turn on so I'm drinking tea.  I usually don't drink tea in the morning but I have to keep warm.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The cat pooper

I'm back and can't wait to sleep tonight.  I didn't sleep that great in NC, except for the first night.  One of my co-workers woke up at like 4:30-5 AM every day and I heard the floor boards squeaking.  We had a fun time though, just wish the weather was better.

I might have gained weight while I was there, which is okay for WIF on Friday.  It's going to be cold on Friday too, so that will be good for WIF as well.  Hopefully I won't get fired, but you never know, it could happen. 

I think I'm just going to forget to do my food log today.  Charro will have to deal with that.  Yeah, I'm not going to do it, I'm just going to "forget" today.  It's all good.

My cats are cute and I'm trying to give them lots of love.  It's cold up here and I might need to make tea.

I'll unpack tomorrow.  I hate unpacking.  I just have to make sure no cats (or one of them, since I know who it is) poops in my suitcase. :)

Monday, October 08, 2012

Charro got back to me

I got an from Charro in response to the email I sent her the other night.  Basically she said that we definitely have to "take a time out" if I am not at the weight on Friday, and then, when I gained the weight back I could come back and we could continue working together.  Her email was pretty long, which I like.  I like when she gives me a nice, long response.  I don't think I'll have a problem getting to where she wants the scale to be when I see her on Friday, with all of the clothes I'll be wearing.  I may have to kind of fudge the scale a little bit, which I don't want to do, but in order to keep seeing her, I'll have to do it.  We'll see how it goes.  I'll weigh myself on Wednesday when I get home and see what my scale says.  I'm sure that I'll have gained weight while I'm here.

It's 8 PM and we haven't eaten dinner yet.  I'm not even hungry at this point because I snacked on a few things.  I have to eat dinner, I guess, even though I don't want to.  I'd rather just hang out and go to bed.  I had the grossest sandwich for lunch today.  Ew.

I guess I should go help out with dinner.  I made guacamole and garlic bread.  I think that's all I needed to do. 

Charro did say that my food logs look good.

Sunday, October 07, 2012

So relaxing

I can't remember the last time I just did nothing all day.  Well, today was the day.  I'm in a house on a lake with all of my co-workers.  I sat in my pjs for a while and then made some cookies, got dressed and worked out.  My workout was good too.  I did four 5 minute jump rope intervals with 3-4 minutes of running in between.  I did a total of 40 minutes, which is less than I would normally workout, but that's okay.  It was a high intensity workout, so that's good.  Then I did some planks for my abs.  After that, I had a nice post workout recover hot tub sit.  Yeah, the house has a hot tub and a nice pool.  Unfortunately it's cloudy and freezing out so the pool and the lake are not being utilized.

A bunch of my co-workers are out, but on their way home.  It's just three of us here right now.  I'm just chilling on the couch.  I'm sure Charro is going to hate my food logs this week, but it's hard when you're out all day and snacking and stuff.  She's going to tell me that I'm not eating good foods and that I'm "grazing" or not eating enough meals.  Well, it's hard to eat meals when you're in a convention hall all day.  That starts up tomorrow.

I sent her an email last night sort of just saying how I'm prepared to get "fired" on Friday, but that I don't think it's fair because I've been eating so much better and making improvements.  I tried to plead my case that all of that is more important than a number on a scale.  I also threw in there how she wants me to move away from focusing on a number, but that's exactly what's happening here...what she is doing.  How is that productive?  I did throw in there that I "don't expect her to change her mind about anything," but that I "find it sad to know that we may be done on Friday because of a number."  I also said that it seems like everything we have worked on will be pointless if she "fires" me.  She'll fire me if I'm not 103-104 on that scale.  It's going to be cold on Friday so maybe I can be that much.

There's nothing on TV.

Saturday, October 06, 2012

Dreams with Ts

I don't know if it was a continuous dream, or two different dreams, but Stephanie was in my dreams all night last night.  I think it was two different dreams.  The first one, my friends were living a suite, like the ones I lived in in college, so there were 4 bedrooms.  Stephanie lived in one of the bedrooms, which I did not know until I went to go visit one of my friends.  I asked my friend is she knew everyone before they moved and and she knew everyone but Stephanie and two other girls.  I was curious about Steph, but I couldn't really find anything out.

The next dream, I was at a house, I don't know whose house, maybe one of my friend's, and Steph and Charro were there.  We were all sitting in the family room.  Charro was to my left on the couch, my friend was to my left.  I was sitting on a chair and Steph was in front of me sitting on a fold out chair.  The TV was in front of her and we were trying to watch TV.  At one point, I was using Steph's mini Mac.  I wanted to go through her computer to see what kind of things she wrote on it, but I didn't.  (like in Word).  I did, however, write down something exercise or food related, but I can't remember what it was, and hoped she didn't find that file.  Anyway, I was trying to find something on TV and I said, "It's kind of hard to change the channel when someone's in the way."  So Steph moved.  She was then on her laptop.  I got up to check the front door and I sort of stumbled when I got up because I had been sitting on my legs and they were cramped.  She made a comment to Charro about ED and how that is why I stumbled.  I came back and sat down and Steph gave me a smirk like she had seen what I had written. 

I don't think Charro ever said anything that whole time I was there.  I do remember putting my foot up on Steph's chair and then taking it down because I was like, oh I can't really put my foot up on my old therapist's chair.  She gave me a look too, like "I don't want your dirty socks near me."

So, that was that.  I'm not really sure what any of it means and I won't get to talk to Charro about it either.

I need to eat, get dressed, and go to the gym because I have to leave in 3 hours.

Friday, October 05, 2012

Next week is D-Day

I desperately need to take a shower.   I went for a run in the park this morning and got extremely sweaty, which is unusual for me.  It is a gorgeous, hot, day and I LOVE it.  It's the last one until next Spring or Summer, I'm sure.  So I ran and then met up with a friend in the park.  Came home and was famished so I devoured lunch and went up to the roof to catch some rays.  Now I need to shower and pack.  I hate packing but it must be done, since I leave tomorrow.  I hate getting out my suitecase because the kitties get sad. 

I usually freak out at some point on this trip.  It's usually about day 2-3, which will be Monday night at some point.  It's a lot of eating and not a lot of working out.  We'll see if this year is any different.  I remember last year I freaked out big time, inside my head, and sent Charro a crazy email from the car.  Ha.  We'll see.  I told her no emails this year.  I think I should just keep my freakouts to myself.

A week from today is D-Day.  Next week at this time I may be without Charro.  If I don't "make weight" I'm done, or she's done with me, rather.

I guess I should shower.  My cat is licking my arm and hand.  Hey, he just tried to bite my belly ring.  (I'm sitting here in my bikini top and shorts, which is why it was visible).

Thursday, October 04, 2012

My watch

So I found my HR monitor watch yesterday, in my skirt.  I opened up my draw and as I did that I thought maybe it got stuck in my clothes the other day because my watch was on my bed.  Well, it did and I found it.  Anyway, in class tonight my HR monitor wasn't working right so I kept trying to fix it.  The thing is that the strap is under my sports bra so I kept sticking my hands up my shirt while I was trying to teach class, which was not great, and I was exposing my love handles.  Anyway, I was getting so annoyed because if my pulse wasn't reading, my calories weren't being calculated.  So annoying.  I had a hard time with that.  I finally got it to work, but it wasn't working for a long time.

Oh, so it doesn't help that there is this really skinny girl who takes me class.  She was skinny and now she's skinnier.  I guess she and her boyfriend broke up.  To me, she looks bulimic because she's really thin but her face is always puffy.  Who knows though.  I just want to be that thin.

I don't remember what else I wanted to write.  Oh well.

Holy Moly

That was my 3200 post.  This makes 3201, but it doesn't really count as a post because it says nothing.

The WIF jeans are coming

It's clear that if I don't go into my sesh next Friday and weigh what Charro wants me to weigh, I will no longer be seeing her.  Therefore, I must make sure that I will hit that magic number on her scale.  I might throw on my "WIF Jeans"...the jeans she forbid me from wearing last time we went through this whole weighing process.  If my shirt is long enough, she won't be able to see all of the heavy metal at the waste to know that they are my WIF jeans. 

I was going to go to the store this morning, but I don't really feel like it.  My friend got like $15 dollars off at H&M and since they don't have it where she is, she gave them to me.  I can't stand that store, but she spent every day there while she was here visiting.  So, I feel like I should go and use it and going this morning would be best since it will be less crowded.  She did get a couple of cute skirts so I was thinking about getting one of those.  We'll see.  I just don't feel like walking there because I hate the street that it's on.  It's crowded and dirty.  I have to go up that way later, but if I wait and go then, it will be really crowded, so I should just go now.

Maybe I should stop weighing myself until I get back next Wednesday, since I'm not getting weighed tomorrow.  If only Charro knew that I have been weighing myself every day since she implemented WIF again.

Okay, why is David Blain such a nut?  That's all.

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Weighing differences

So I've lost my heart rate monitor watch, which is a big problem.  I have no idea where it could have gone.  I wore it on Monday, took it off when I got home from practice and now it's nowhere to be found.  I searched for it for 20 minutes yesterday morning and had no luck.  This clearly means that I'm going to have to order a whole new HR monitor because I can't not have one.  Of course Charro was thrilled to hear that I couldn't find it.

I just got home and found a live bug in my cabinet.  I thought they were gone.  I'm going to freak if they come back.  Not a good thing.  If there's one, there are probably more where that came from.

I could take a nap right now, too bad I can't.

I was thinking about how differently Stephanie and Charro weigh me.  Steph basically made me shave my head when I got on that scale, and Charro doesn't care what I've got on.  I could have bricks in my pockets and she wouldn't know.  It's not that she's dumb, she's just trusting I guess.  That's a good thing.

I now feel like I have bugs crawling all over me.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012


I'm really, really trying to get Charro to give me a break on this weight thing, but she's not budging one bit.  Next Friday is D-Day...the day I am supposed to weigh 102, "which means 103-104 on this scale," she says.  Um, this might be hard to do.  I sure hope it's cold that day so I can wear a lot of clothes.

She didn't weigh me this morning.  I wore my jean jacket just in case she did.  I was hoping that she wouldn't make me take it off if she didn't weigh me because it adds a few pounds.  I would have been screwed if she weighed me and made me take it off.  So, I'm not seeing her until D-Day because she's taking Friday, her birthday, off, and I'm gone Saturday-Wednesday.  Maybe she'll cut me some slack since we won't be seeing each other for a while.  I doubt it.

It's rainy out today.  The leaves are changing colors.  I'm sitting in my house in my PJs, after just going to the gym and showering.  I just have to do laundry and that's about it for the night.

Monday, October 01, 2012

I'm on top

Okay, so my friend is gone.  I just got home from work and cleaned my bathroom and now I have to vacuum and clean other stuff.  It is nice to have my apartment back, but it was kind of nice to have someone to hang out with all the time.  I do look forward to going to bed early tonight too.

So my sesh with Charro was funny today.  I got there and was absolutely freezing so I sat on the floor in the patch of sun.  I asked her if she was okay with it and she said that she didn't really like "being above" me.  I said, "Let's analyze that.  Does that make you feel like you're superior to me?"  She said, "I don't really like it very much because I'm on top, well, not on okay,"  Ha, that was funny!!!  Then she asked me if I wanted some of her hot chocolate.  I said "No thank you."  Then I said, "Wait, you were really going to give me some of your hot chocolate?"  She said, "Yes."  I said, "Wow, I'm impressed.  That's very nice of you."  Something else funny happened too, but I can't remember what it was.

I tried, once again, to get her to not fire me if I don't weigh 102.  She didn't go for that.  She did this really fake laugh when I mentioned it and then was like "That sounded fake, but it wasn't."  I don't know if she's going to weigh me tomorrow.  I hope not, but who knows.

Oh yes, I remember.  So I sort of sat up and my water bottle went under my butt but I didn't know it so I sat back down and water shot out everywhere.  So the couch was soaking wet so I moved and I told her not to let anyone sit there because it was soaking wet.  She goes, "Why because it will look like they've peed their pants?"  I said, "Yes."  Then she goes, "I mean, it's not like people really think that.  When you see someone on the street who's pants are wet have you ever once though, 'oh, they've peed their pants?'"  HA!

Last Friday I asked her if she was going to weigh me tomorrow and she said, "Oh, we've never TIFfed before."  (She meant WIT for weigh-in-Tuesday) and I said, "Oh, we've tiffed!!"  Ha.

Okay, I need to vacuum.