Monday, August 27, 2012

That was worse than Friday

I just got back from my sesh with Charro, which was worse than it was on Friday.  I wore a baseball hat so I could cover my face.  I didn't look at Charro more than two times.  I didn't speak the entire time either.  I was pissed and I had nothing to say.  I just sat there.  I told her I had nothing to say, and she didn't believe that at all.  I was angry but I'm not quite sure why.  I'm still in a shitty mood and I have an hour to get out of it, or pretend to be out of it, because I'm babysitting.  Basically I have to decide by Friday if I want to gain 4 pounds, if not, she won't work with me.  So, if she refuses to work with me, then she said we'd have 4 wrap-up sessions.  I really don't see the point in that because I wouldn't have anything to say so if we're going to end it, let's just end it.  So, that's the deal.  I'll wear another baseball hat on Friday.

So, if I decide that I want to do this then she's going to weigh me once a week and I'd have to keep a fucking food log.  I fucking hate food logs!!!!!  I may just fake it, it's not like she'll know the difference.  It wouldn't affect her at all, it would only hurt me, and I'm okay with that.  I guess I'll go back to weighing myself whenever I want, at this point.  If she's going to weigh me, then I'm going to weigh me.

Why is the little Blogger menu gone from the top of the page on the main page??  It's really, really annoying because I can't get to my Dashboard without going through and old post. 

8 comments:

Laura said...

Yeah, so you're in a place where you have to pick: relationship with Charro or 98 pounds. Which is more important to you?

PTC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PTC said...

I'm thinking, 98.

Laura said...

That's sad, then, about having to leave Charro.

PTC said...

Sad, I guess, but that might be how it goes.

Laura said...

It seems like you'd then end up living a life that doesn't reflect your true values. I mean, seems like you care a lot about Charro. And not being with her would be choosing to not live your values... You know? I mean, living your value (of being in relation with charro) would put you through some distressing stuff (like some minor weight gain)... so i guess that's the choice, right: less worry about weight but living an unvalued life OR worry about weight but living a valued life. did that make any sense?

PTC said...

I don't think it's a question of values. Sure, I value the relationship we have, but sometimes relations end for one reason or another. I'm not saying that that's for sure going to happen, but it may, and that's the road that we may take.

Laura said...

oh ok