Sunday, August 26, 2012

Okay, this will be a long one

Finally, I get to write.  So I'm going to not even write about stuff I was going to write about because then this will be extremely long, so onto my sesh with Charro.  It started off okay until I told her how much I weighed.  She went all ballistic on me and continued for a good 35 minutes.  Reamed me out and kept apologizing for sounding so mean and angry, which I didn't think she did.  She was like, and I hate when she says this because she says is ALL THE TIME, "Do you want to get better?"  in that tone that she has.  Then she wanted to know why I hadn't gained weight and that this isn't working.  I reminded her that last time we had this discussion, when she decided to stop weighing me she said, "Okay, you can stay at 98, if that's where you want to be, but you have to promise to let me know if you drop below.  I don't think 98 is a healthy weight for you but I can't make you change it."  She then said, "But I thought you were going to gain weight."  Um, not if you said I could stay at the weight that I'm at, why would I gain weight??  So, that's what pissed me off most about the sesh, the fact that she sort of went back on her word.  She kept going on and on and reaming me out, which was fine.  She said that she really can't continue to work with me and that I HAVE to get to 102.  She said we tried the not weighing thing because I kept saying that it would make me less obsessive, and it "didn't work."  So I don't know if that means that she's going to start weighing me again or what.  I'm guessing it does, since I'm not weighing myself and can't report back to her.  It's going to suck.  She's like "How are we going to get you to gain these 4 pounds.  What are you going to do?"  I didn't give her an answer because I don't plan on gaining four pounds.

I don't remember everything, but I will once I listen to the sesh tonight.  I can't listen this afternoon because it will put me in a bad mood.  I couldn't wait to get out of there on Friday.  I looked at my watch and I still have 30 minutes left and I was like "Crap, this isn't even close to being over."  I was meeting my friend at the train right after and she knew I was not in a good mood when she saw me.  At least I could talk to her about it because she's the one who knows.  I checked my email when I got on the train and I had a long one from Charro.  She was, again apologizing for sounding so mean and angry and for attacking me.  I thought it was nice that she emailed me because it showed that she felt bad.  I still don't feel like she attacked me, but I may feel differently after I listen to the sesh.

It was a good thing I had a distraction and a concert to go to that night.  I had THE BEST night, so it really helped.  I won't go into details, but it was freaking awesome.  I think my friend had a good time too.  Oh, so I ended up right next to the stage.  This guy pulled me up there and he was trying to grope me and then asked me out.  He had a lot to drink.  He kept telling me how hot I was, which is always nice to hear.  Then he was pinching my stomach and stuff and I'm like "Do you like pinching my fat?"  (I'm like, what the hell are you doing?)  Then he was like "You have no fat."  Later on he said, "You are too skinny.  You need to put on some weight, okay?"  I thought that was odd.  I sort of liked hearing it, but it was also strange at the same time because I didn't even know this guy, but it was also a guys perception.  That was that.

Last night my train was 90 minutes late, which did not make me happy at all.  Today, hopefully will be a good day.  I hope to not have a bug infestation.  I came up to one Thursday night, which is part of the story I left out.  I'm hoping I got rid of them because I'll freak if I didn't.

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