Saturday, December 31, 2011

Last run of 2011...

Was done in shorts and a t-shirt!  :)  Yes folks, December 31st in New York City and I was able to wear shorts!  I don't go outside if it's too cold, never mind exercise, so that just goes to show you that it was nice out.  Tomorrow it's supposed to be the same, but come Tuesday, leaving my apartment.  It's not going to get out of the 20s.  Yuck!

I didn't feel like going running, but I did.  I thought I was going to go home tomorrow but now I'm not so now I can work out tomorrow too.  Should I run in the park again or go to the gym??  Hmmm...maybe I can recruit my neighbor to run with me.  An extra day of working out that I didn't think I'd get. :)

I am watching Growing Pains on DVD but my remote doesn't work (yes, I've tried 3 different sets of batteries), so I have the stupid subtitles on here that I can't get rid of.  At least they're in English this time.

My friends are coming over in an hour.  I am all set, in my PJs, ready to go.  :)

Oh Christmas Tree

Ohhh, my poor Christmas tree is pretty dead.  I don't want to take it down but I'm going to have to.  I will do that on Tuesday.  It looked so pretty and now it's all droopy.  I should probably take off my really nice ornaments so they don't fall off and break.  That would be sad. :(

I think I'm going to go for a run in the park today.  It's warm for December and I don't feel like going to the gym, so I think I'll suck up the fact that it's still "too cold" for me to run outside and go running anyway, because like I said, it's "warm" for December." 

I'm having a few friends over so I need to clean.  I cleaned on Thursday, but I feel like I made more of a mess during my cleaning process.  Don't ya hate when that happens?

My goal for this weekend is to find something really good to talk to Charro about on Monday.  Something deep or something.  I need to email Stephanie this week too, to remind her that I'll be going to see her when Charro leaves.  That's going to be weird, I think.

K, time to get off of my bum and do something.  Oh yeah, Happy New Year.  I don't like NYE so I'll be staying my PJs.  I love that.  I told my friends that "comfy clothes are required" to come over.  :)

Friday, December 30, 2011

She forgot WIF

Charro totally forgot to weigh me today.  I was shocked.  I put my boots on and stood up and started getting my stuff together and I said, "You're very forgetful today."  She agreed and blamed her cold and pregnancy.  Then I said, "What day is it?"  She said, "Friday December 30."  I said, "Yes, what do we call that?"  Then she realized, after a moment, that it was WIF.  She told me to get on the scale and then made a comment that I was "wearing those jeans" so my weight would be higher.  I said, "The jeans don't make a difference." I'm not sure she realized I was wearing my boots.  Ha!  Funny.  Anyway, I know that number won't matter come WIF in two weeks.  I wonder if she'll surprise WIF me next week.

Thursday, December 29, 2011


I have WIF again tomorrow.  Why does it sneak up on me so quickly?  I don't know how it got brought up the other day, but I know it was Charro who said something about having a scale at her Monday office, but I mentioned how I thought I would not get weighed until she was back to her full schedule, which would be June.  So, I thought I'd have no weigh ins from the end of Feb. to June, which would have been nice.  She, however, informed me that she has access to scales on Monday.  Ew.  I said, "I figured you'd get one somewhere because I figured you'd want to weigh me as soon as you got back from maternity leave.  Sucks!  Blah! 

I'm watching Charlie Brown.  I'm sort of hungry a little but I don't want to eat because my stomach is fat.  I can't wait to go to sleep either!!


I have a phone sesh with Charro in an hour and I don't have a single thing to talk about.  This should be fun.  Should have opted out of the phone sesh but I figured it would be good for the whole consistency thing.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Charro cancelled this morning, which I was actually hoping for and happy about.  The only thing I wish was that she had let me know a little earlier so I could have just woken up, checked my email and gone back to bed.  Instead, I woke up and ate and got half dressed and then she called.  I quickly got undressed and crawled back into bed.  It wasn't the same sleep I would have had had I never woken up in the first place, but it was still needed.  I didn't go to bed until 2 AM so I was shot and I will definitely need some more sleep later today.  I might need some caffeine before my 3 PM run too.  I had a feeling that she was going to cancel today because she was sick when we spoke on Monday.  I even said something to her about her cancelling today.  It kind of stinks because I wouldn't have come back to NYC yesterday, although I did go out on a date last night so maybe I still would have, I don't know.  Charro offered to do a phone sesh with me tomorrow, I told her no but that I'd think about it and maybe change my mind.

I think I'm going to hit up the sales at Target today.  I'm waiting to hear back from my friend.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Time to unpack

My cats do not want to be back here.  One is crying and scratching at the door because he wants to go wander the hall.  I need to unpack and put away all the crap that I brought back, that's no fun.  I have to go to the gym, shower and then go on a date with my friend from the other side of the world.  He wants to go to this Mexican restaurant which is like high class Mexican food, which I'm not fond of but he's the one visiting so I will go.  We'll probably hang out here after or before or both. 

I want to weigh myself but maybe I'll wait until tomorrow.  I have WIF this week.  Oh I hate WIF.  I told Charro that I think WIF every other week is more stressful than every week.  I don't know. 

I would love to take a nap but I don't think that's going to happen. I need to clean up my stuff and then maybe I can.

Monday, December 26, 2011

new toy

Trying out my new toy...a tablet.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas, people! :)

Merry Christmas!!!  I hope anyone who might be reading this has a wonderful Christmas.  Try (I am going to do this as well) to just enjoy your friends and family and not to freak out too much.  I'm going to keep telling myself the same thing.  So far so good, but I haven't had any reason to freak out.  Just ENJOY!!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Home for Christmas

I am home for Christmas!  I have some friends to see today and that's about it.  I saw Charro this morning.  We had to eat one of my pretzel creations that I made for people.  Caramel covered, chocolate covered pretzels.  I don't know why I had to eat one.  I walked there, which I didn't think I was going to be able to do because I had a suitcase and backpack, but I did it and I think I walked if faster than usual, which is weird.  I was sweating bullets when I got there, but that's okay.

In less than 24 hours I've had three people tell me that I'm "bones" or something similar to that.  I find that pretty funny since I've actually gained weight.  I'll take them as compliments though.  Last night the lady who teaches after me said that I'm "a bone."  Today one of my co-workers, (a male) said that I need to eat a lot because I'm "skin and bones."  Then, one of my clients told me that I need to eat, blah blah.  Ok, I'll take it but it's funny to me.  People should have been saying that last year when I was much thinner because I was sick with my ulcerative colitis and didn't know it.

The feast of foods begins tomorrow.  This should be interesting.

My kitties are happy to have me home.  I am happy to see them.  They missed me.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I like this feeling

I feel skinny today.  That's odd...and nice.  I like this feeling.  What I don't like is that my tooth is hurting and I think I'll have to go get a filling.  I went to the dentist last month and it didn't hurt and now it hurts.  Stupid.  I don't like going to the dentist.

It's weird, I told Charro this yesterday, I feel like I'm not going to see her next week because every year since I've started seeing her, she's been away the week between Christmas and New Years.  This year, she will be here, so I keep thinking I won't see her, but I will.  I'm not coming back to see her on Monday because I just want to chill at home after Christmas.  Let's hope I don't freak out this weekend.  That would be nice.  I didn't freak out last weekend and I thought I would, but I have a feeling this weekend will be different.  It's three days of food...and lots of it.

I need to pack to go home, but I have no idea what I'm going to wear so I need to figure this out.  I have nothing to do today, so I guess I'll have time to figure it out.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Chop, Chop Charro

I was sitting in my sesh this morning and Charro was twisting her hair.  She stopped, grabbed the scissors on her desk, and cut off a piece of her hair.  I watched in awe, mouth hanging open, and she goes, "What, you've never done that before?  I couldn't take that knot."

FUNNY!!  She may have a bowl cut next time I see her.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

No more baking

I'm DONE baking.  Through!  Finished!  Finito!!  No more.  Oops, I just realized that that's a lie because I have to bake something to bring to my sister's on Christmas Eve.  Well, I get a couple days off.  I think I made a few (50) too many pretzels.  Whoops.  My mom will be happy.

Tomorrow is my day to run while watching The Closer.  I have Charro tomorrow.  I think my little Squish has a thyroid problem.  That will be confirmed or denied when the bloodwork comes back.  It seems like an easy medication though, which would be nice.  I just hope that it's not expensive and that it is a thyroid problem and not something worse.  They weren't happy at the vet today though.  They behaved though.

I kind of want to not eat for the next few days because I'll be eating all weekend.  I mean, I'll eat, I just don't really need to eat real meals.  I don't have WIF until next Friday, which is good.  I hate WIF.  I do miss saying "WIW" though. 

It's lonely without my kitties here.  :(

Monday, December 19, 2011

Wanting to give up

I told Charro that I didn't feel like going to see her today and that I felt like just giving up.  Of course she wanted to know what that was about.  I told her that I just didn't feel like doing it anymore.  I also questioned whether I should go see Stephanie while Charro is on maternity leave.  She said, "Well you have to see someone."  I said, "I do?"  I guess she thinks I should.  She also told me NOT to walk to the train station when I left her because it was "compulsive" and I had my backpack that I was carrying.  She told me several times NOT to walk, but I did.  It was a 20 minute walk, it wasn't worth taking the subway.

I have to take my cats to the vet tomorrow.  I have a feeling I'm going to get bad news when it comes to my little one.  She's been drinking a TON of water.  I think my boy is doing well.  He looks good.  I'll have them give him his IV tomorrow so I don't have to do it.  I haven't done it in a few weeks.  I'll be anxiously awaiting their blood test results.  Ugh, that's the worst.

I must go get ready to watch my show.

No surgery :)

Just got back from the hip doctor and he said that he would not recommend surgery at this point.  YAY!!  That is a good thing.  He said it may heal on it's on, in time.  Now it's just a question of how much discomfort I can take before I lose my mind.  We shall see.  I don't need to see him again unless I want to take action.  Surgery doesn't sound like a great option because it could make my mobility worse.  I do  NOT want that.  He said if he had to do one thing, it would be 3 days on crutches, if he had to do something else (I have no idea what he was talking about which is why I'm referring to it at "something else"), it would be 6 weeks recovery and NO running for 3 months.  So, none of that is going to happen at this point in time.  I will take an anti-inflammatory every morning for a few months, like he suggested...although I do not really want to do that at all, and see what happens. 

I called my mom to tell her the deal.  She told me that I shouldn't "work out so hard."  I said, "I don't work out hard."  She said, "You're always working out."  Not really.

So, with that said, I need to get changed and go to the gym.  Then I need to shower and go see Charro.  It's going to be a cold walk today.  It's nippy out there.

I still have that stupid fly in my apartment.  I can't get rid of it.  I tried locking it in the bathroom last night and capturing it, but I was not successful.  I'd open my door and let it just fly out, but it's too cold out to do that, and he'd probably fly the other way because he doesn't want to go out there either.

I'm hungry.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

No freakouts yet

Back in NY.  I didn't have any freakouts this weekend because of food.  That's a good thing.  My parties were good.  There was so much good food at my work party last night.  I wish you could just eat a bunch of food at one time (because it's good, not because of ED stuff) and kind of have it on reserve so you don't have to eat the next day.  What I mean is that the food was really good and I knew I was coming back to my apartment where I have no meals to eat and nothing that I want to eat or cook.

I have to make more Christmas treats and I don't want to at the moment.  I'll do it in a little bit.  I also want to watch Christmas Vacation because I have not watched it yet this year and it's an absolute must!!  I LOVE that movie.  I need to clean up all the cat stuff too, since they're not here.  Oh, my little one peed on the carpet in my parents family room yesterday.  I was NOT happy, nor were my parents.  She's clearly pissed at  Pissed cats, piss!

Charro all week with a couple trips back and forth between here and home.  Hip doctor tomorrow.  Busy week.

Friday, December 16, 2011


I had WIF today.  It wasn't fun, but it never is fun.  Charro was like, "alright, let's go."  I sat there for a little bit and then finally go up.  I wasn't happy during our sesh today.  At one point Charro asked me what I was angry about because she said I seemed angry.  I told her I wasn't angry but I wasn't in a good mood.  So, after WIF I just stood on the scale and looked at her and she looked at me.  We're almost eye to eye when I'm standing up there, although she still has a few inches on me.  I guess we were just a little closer to being eye to eye than normal.  So, we stared at each other and I she said, "Keep on going," and I made a face.  She goes, "We're like a comedy act."  I said, "I don't think anyone would pay to see us."  She said, "No, but to ourselves we are."  I said, "I'm not in a funny mood today."  She said, "I can tell." 

We had a good sesh, I just don't want to gain weight.  I don't know what's going to happen when she goes on maternity leave because she's the one who keeps me from sliding down.  Ugh.  She says it's up to me and that it's my choice and I keep telling her that I don't feel like it is.  I really don't feel like it's my choice.  When you have such strong feelings how are you supposed to change them??  When you get into that freakout it's hard to "talk to yourself" in another way.  I can't do it, that's for sure. 

Thursday, December 15, 2011


I finished my work project this morning.  I worked on it last night because I had nothing else to do, and then a friend stopped by.  I also managed to do some of my prep for baking.  I'm going to get on that again in a few minutes.  I ran out of room in my fridge so I had to stop.  I also need to pack to head home tomorrow.  I have a few parties to go to so I have to bring home some decent clothes.  Cats are coming with me.  It stresses me out to bring them in the car and home because it stresses them out.  They get sweaty paws and it kills me.  I REALLY hope they don't pee in my parents house like they did last year.  I tried so hard to get that odor out and if you have cats, you know that doesn't happen.  Ugh.  I am trying to mask the smell so they don't go back there.  NOT GOOD!!  I take them to the vet next week, which is also stressful for everyone.

I so do NOT want to get weighed tomorrow.  I hate WIF.  Yesterday there was a chair in the way of the scale, so I'm hoping that will be the case tomorrow.  Not like Charro can't move the chair, but maybe she'll forget about WIF if there's a chair there.  Wishful thinking, huh?

I'm preparing myself for the food and freakouts the I will no doubt be having this weekend.  Fun times!  I'm watching Martina on TV right now too, which sure as hell won't help me feel good about my body. She's awesome though.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


I had some green tea before I went to the gym today.  I drink decaf green tea all the time, but I decided to have regular green tea to see if it made my workout better.  Well, maybe it was mental, but I had a good run.  I ran 6 miles and was going to keep going but my hip was hurting a bit.  I plan on running again either Friday afternoon or Saturday morning.  Not sure if I'll get to the gym on Friday since I'm bringing my cats home.  I don't like running on the treadmills at home but I'll have to I guess.  Anyway, I think I may have caffeine all the time.  It kills me to say that because I pride myself on never drinking any caffeine and now I am straying away from that.

I really don't want to get weighed on Friday.  I'm going to weigh 2000 pounds.  I freak out when I don't "weigh enough" for Charro and I don't like it when I weigh too much for me and know that she'll be happy that I weigh more.  I don't want to weigh more.  Stupid double edge sword.  I hate this crap.  Maybe I should just quit Charro and go back to being completely obsessive, because that's fun. 

I might go to the gym early tomorrow night to work out before class.  We'll see how I feel about that when the time comes.  I really should, especially if I'm not working out on Friday.

Okay, this was my break from work, now I have to get back to it.  I need to start my Christmas baking and I have no time to do it.

Okay, one more thing...If you saw Charro from the back you'd never know she is 7 months pregnant.  It's highly annoying.  Why the hell does she have to be so skinny?  She has no ass.  Aren't people suppose to get asses when they're pregnant??  Her arms and legs are still sticks.  All she has is a belly.  It is SO. NOT! FAIR.  Waa!

Is it nap time?

I'm tired.  It's okay, but I'm tired. I'm kind of in a blah mood too.  My sesh with Charro was okay.  I talked a lot but I didn't really come out of there feeling any better about things. I guess that happens.  I feel like I'm at a place where it would be so easy to just not eat, and I really want to do that, but so far I haven't.  I feel like there's going to be a breaking point soon though.  I don't know how much longer I can handle eating and gaining weight.  Okay, I am not constantly gaining weight, but I've gained a few pounds and I hate it.  That's the way it goes.

Okay, I have a ton of work to do so I better get busy.  Lots of inputting data today.  Mindless work, but sitting at a computer all day when you're tired, isn't fun.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Go, go, go

I have been non-stop, on the go since last Tuesday.  It may not end until Wednesday.  I hope it does because I REALLY need to start my Christmas baking.  I think I have to go back home this afternoon, after I see Charro and then would head back here after work tomorrow to head to a Christmas party.  Friday, it's back home, with the cats, two Christmas parties, then back here to work Sunday morning. 

I need to hit the gym and run this morning.  I figure if I run for 45 minutes and then walk to Charro's, that's an 1 hour 45 minutes of activity.  That's decent.

I love my Christmas tree. 

I hosted a party last night.  I cooked for that and now I have ton of leftovers.  Lots of desserts that I don't know what to do with.  I guess I can give them to the doormen.  I guess I should eat breakfast and get dressed so I can get going.  It's freaking cold out and I don't like it.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

There are a lot of things I should talk to Charro about on Monday, but the feelings I was having on Thursday are gone and I can't have that emotion that I had on Thursday, so it doesn't make sense for me to talk about how fat and disgusting I'm feeling much of the time.  I should have emailed her when I was feeling like crap, then she would have gotten the emotion.  She doesn't mind when I do that.

I have so much to do tomorrow, which means that I should probably go to bed.  I'm having people over, so I have to cook and clean and teach class.

I hope my Christmas tree doesn't die.  It's not drinking.  It needs to last another 3 weeks, at least.

Friday, December 09, 2011

Kitty love

I'm happy to be back in my apartment with my kitties!  I don't think anyone pooped where they weren't supposed to, which is a good thing.  I bought a few more ornaments for my tree so I need to put them on.  I have to babysit in the morning, workout, babysit again in the afternoon through the night.  Big bucks for me. :)

I need to run off my fat stomach, so I'm going to do that again tomorrow.  I hate that the next two weeks are all about food.  I have 5 parties in 7 days.  That's a lot of food and a lot of freak outs for me.  Always a good time.  I'm not sure how I'm going to get through them without totally freaking out and deciding that I need to just not eat and work out like crazy.  Well, I'm already going to pick up the workouts because I need to.

I'm so bummed, they moved Starving Secrets to 11 PM.  What??  That's so past my bedtime.  Guess I'll be watching it on Saturdays instead of Fridays now.  Ugh, I'm going to miss it next Friday and the following Friday.  I'll have to wait to watch those episodes. 

Here we go again

I have felt absolutely disgusting for the past two days.  I am so thankful that the client I was supposed to be with all day today cancelled so I can spend more time at the gym.  I haven't worked out in two days.  I'm going to go and run...just run.  I hope I can just keep going.  I feel like this is how the whole month is going to be since I have a bunch of parties to go to.  I'll feel like I'm constantly eating and getting fatter.  Honestly, I can't stand the way my stomach looks right now.  I literally almost threw up in disgust when I saw it the other day.  I can't take it. 

Maybe I can finish my Christmas shopping today, since I won't be with this client.  That would be fantastic.  I just don't know what to get the people whom I haven't bought for yet, which is why I haven't gotten them anything yet.

I would head back to NY earlier, but I promised my nephews I'd have dinner with them.  They want to celebrate my birthday.  They're so cute. 

I just want to run...If I could do 6 or more miles, that would be awesome.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

More celebrating

I've had a very nice two days.  I'm home with my parents right now.  I've been on the go non-stop since yesterday morning, and it will be that way until, well, I don't know until when, possibly next Wednesday.  I have a full day and night of work tomorrow and I full day of work on Friday.  I have to travel a bit for both of these things.  Tomorrow is a 12+ hour thing and Friday will be day one of however many days it takes me to finish this project.  I'm glad I actually have something to do for my job because most of the time I don't have to do much, which is nice, don't get me wrong, but at least I feel like I'm working.

My office bought me lunch today and then I went out to dinner with my parents.  I haven't been getting enough sleep and should go to bed in a few minutes but my favorite movie is on.  Oh well, I have it on DVD so I guess I can watch it any time, but it's more exciting to watch on TV.

This is so sad, one of my friends had to give birth to her dead baby.  I don't know all of the details, but I think she went into the hospital because she wasn't feeling anything.  I think they knew it was dead before she gave birth.  I can't imagine going through an entire pregnancy and going into give birth and having this happen.  I feel so bad for her and her husband.  She had no health problems. I wonder what went wrong.  You think your safe when you go your full 9 months, but I guess you just don't know.  I can't even imagine what they're going through.  :( 

Okay, now on that sad note, it's time for me to go to bed.  I am taking a day off from birthday celebrating tomorrow, but I'll continue on Friday night.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011


Today has been a busier day than expected, which is nice.  I went to the gym.  The swelling on my knee is going down, which is good.  I ran for a while and then did the elliptical.  My hip hurts, but my knee feels better.  Ha.  I'm getting lots of phone calls and facebook messages today.  I feel loved. :)  My friend is coming over because her birthday was yesterday and mine is today.  I gave the gift of weighing myself to myself this morning.  That's about it.  Now I'm eating chocolate animal crackers, my favorite.

Monday, December 05, 2011

Charro didn't bring up her being "perturbed" from last week.  I knew she wouldn't.  I sort of brought it up.  She said it's entirely up to me, what I want to do with this weight business and whether or not I want to get better.  She said that she can't do it for me, which I already know.  She said that she's giving me her recommendation for what she knows to be healthy.  This is what she said.  "You're at a super unhealthy weight where I would be concerned about your health.  I think it's not good for you.  I think you'll always be obsessive and anxious and I think it's going to ruin your quality of life.  Not to mention that I think there may be some health consequences down the road.  But since it's nothing acute, I can't do anything unless you want to."

We talked about the Tracey Gold show too.  She doesn't think it's a good idea that I watch "shows like that," but let's be honest, I'm going to.  I told her that it was good.  She wanted to know if it triggered me, which it doesn't. 

Then we discussed the crazy massage I had on Friday.  She thought it was odd too, what happened.  I don't think I wrote about it but I'm too tired to do it now.

Oh my darling

I just ate breakfast and I'm still hungry.  Maybe I'll have some clementines.  I can't get up right now.  I have a cat on my stomach and and ice pack on my leg.  It's a bit swollen under my know.  I hope Charro doesn't notice because then she'll yell at me for walking to her office.

Cat jumped off.  I need to get ready to go to the gym.  Cat now crying in the bathroom because she wants me to pick her up and put her on the counter so she can have a drink.

Maybe I'll weigh myself tomorrow.

I had something I was actually going to write about but I don't know what it was.  I forgot.  I guess that means I should eat my clementines and go to the gym. 

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Fingers, cuts, knees, on my

 I was a bit accident prone today,  I think.  I stabbed myself while trying to change the needle to the IV and wasn't even able to give my cat his IV because I sucked at trying to do it today.  I fell playing field hockey, which is not at all unusual, but my knee landed on someone's stick which hurt like a beast.  I didn't think I was going to be able to get up.  I knew it was one of those things that was just going to hurt like hell for a few minutes until I could walk it off.  That was the case.  I seriously had to just sit there for a few seconds.  My friend, "I saw that you didn't get up and I knew it hurt.  You usually bounce right back up."  Then I got home ans sliced my finger on something.  I still don't know what it was, but it bled a lot.

I can't wait to go to bed.  My tree is done.  I ran out of tinsel so I have to get some tomorrow.  I'm icing my knee now, it's actually right under my knee cap but it currently looks like I have a second kneecap, which is never a good thing. 

Bed time in 10 minutes.

Things that happen

I heard a lady get hit by a cab last night.  I don't know how injured she was, but from across the street, I couldn't see blood.  She was just laying there.

I keep biting my cheek and it's really annoying.  It's protruding out so I bite it even more.

My stomach is also protruding out, which is possible worse than the cheek biting situation.  At least that will heal.  I need my stomach to be concave.

I went to bed late and woke up too early.

My Christmas tree lights are half done and now I have to finish them and decorate, but since I'm extremely anal and a perfectionist when it comes to my tree, this will take a while.  It's too short and I'm not happy with it.

I'm going to play field hockey and hope to stay injury free.

I am hungry but don't know what I want to eat.  I really need some protein but I don't want a protein shake, egg whites or a yogurt.  That means I'll probably just do my tree lights instead of consuming something.

I need a nap.

I don't think Charro will remember that she wants an answer from me tomorrow about this whole weight thing.  I'll pretend like I forgot.  Afterall, it is my Australian birthday.

I really, really hate feeling and looking 9 months pregnant.  It sucks.

Tree time.

Saturday, December 03, 2011

Give me an answer

Charro wants an answer from me on Monday as to whether or not I'm willing to get to 103.  I guess I need to be honest with her and tell her that I don't.  She said she was not going to fight with me about my weight anymore, but does that mean she'll "fire" me if I don't agree to 103??  That's my only concern.  I'm afraid that if I tell her that I don't want to get to 103 she'll tell me that she won't see me anymore, which is why I feel like I should lie and just pretend that I do get to 103.  I don't want to lie though, which is why it's hard.  I don't think I will lie.  Well, I'll tell her that I don't want to and then if she tells me that she won't see me, then I will tell her I will do it.  I don't want to, nor do I need to.

I do need to take a shower though.

I got my Christmas tree and it's too small.  I knew I would be mad when I got it home.  I was having tree anxiety when I was buying it because I knew I wouldn't be happy with it.  Grr.  I can't decorate it until tomorrow.

I need a nap.  I'll do that after I shower.

Tracey Gold

Tracey Gold's show, Starving Secrets, debuted last night.  It was awesome.   Charro doesn't want me watching things like this but I don't see why and it's not like I'm not going to watch it.  I can't wait to see it next Friday night.

Friday, December 02, 2011


Right now I have a big desire to make brownies and eat a large quantity of them.  Since I don't binge, that is not likely to happen.  It kind of would be nice if I could just do that (not binge, but eat a large quantity of brownies) every now and then.

I'm perturbed

That's what Charro said today after she weighed me.  She is not happy that I have not gained weight.  (I haven't lost weight).  She said, "So you're just not gaining anything, huh?  Too bad.  Do you just want to stay here?  I'm not going to fight you on this.  I prefer you get up but if you're going to keep fighting it."  (Me) "I'm not fighting it."  Charro - "Yes you clearly are.  So just tell me the truth.  What are you going to do?  Let's not pretend anymore.  Are you going to gain up to 103, ever?  That's what would be indicated for you.  You have to stop restricting and stop exercising when you don't feel like it. (more chatter).  Charro chimes back in with, "I'm a little bit perturbed, actually, by this pretend game here.  You're supposed to be gaining weight.  Can you just do it?  Are you signed on to do it because that's what you're here for.  You need to get your weight up, bottom line!"

So I went for a massage after my sesh because I bought one of those groupon type thingies a while back.  Carlos gave me quite a nice massage but while he was up near my head I could feel him breathing on my face, which sketched me out a bit.  Then I could feel him on my my, almost like he was smelling my hair.  It was a little odd.  I kept thinking, what if he kisses my head?  Then towards the end he whispered in my ear, "thank you," in this very seductive voice.  I thought to myself, this is going to make for a funny story later.  The massage felt good, well, it did hurt sometimes and my calf is already sore, but for the most part it was good. 

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Dare I say...

That my hip has been feeling great this past week.  It shouldn't since I ran 6 miles on Saturday, taught aerobics and played field hockey on Sunday and ran again on Monday, but it does. :)  Yay.  Let's hope it stays that way.  I was supposed to go to the doctor next week but now I don't go for another few weeks.  I love that it feels good.

I almost forgot that I have WIF tomorrow.  It's been nice not getting weighed.  I wish it stayed that way.  Maybe I can get her to stop weighing me at the end of this month/year.  That would be fantastic!!  I'm probably going to end up weighing myself a lot while Charro's on maternity leave.  Let's face it, I'd be weighing myself everyday if she wouldn't ask me about it.

I have to get changed into my gym clothes.