Monday, October 31, 2011


I love Halloween.  I love getting dressed up.  I'm going to get dressed up tonight even though I have no place to go.  I want to wear my costume to Charro's but I don't want to walk 4 miles in it.  Ha!  I guess I could take the subway but that would be even more embarassing and I am fat so I need to walk the four miles.  I could wear it to school, but I don't know if I'm allowed to get dressed up and walk into this school, it might not be acceptable.

I should go get some fishnets but I don't feel like it. I am sleepy.  I didn't get home until 1 this morning so I'm tired.

I'm feeling really fat and not liking it one bit.  I need to start running more and eating more veggies.  It's probably not the best thing for my hip but I feel like I'm going to have to have surgery on it anyway.  I'm still amazed by what a miracle worker Ibuprofen is. 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Just in time

We got to the wedding 30 minutes late, but got there just in time to see my friend walk down the stairs.  We even found a parking spot right out in front.  That is UNheard of!  It was nice.  I ended up going with a sweater dress instead of a dressier dress.  It was a good call on my part.

I have to get ready to go.  I have to work out and then I'll be with my family all day.  We're going to see my brother, who is in the area for the day.  That will be nice.  I'm off to a late start because I didn't get out of bed until 8:30.  That is late for me but I need the sleep.  I have to try can "catch up," even though you can't, on the sleep that I missed out on while I was in Chicago.

Okay, really going to get ready now.  It's too freaking cold out!!

Saturday, October 29, 2011


I guess I'm going to be late for the wedding.  I guess I'm going to miss the ceremony, which sucks and I feel bad, but T. is not here yet and who knows when he will be here.  NYC traffic and snow, not a good combo.  I don't know howlong it will take us to get to the wedding either.  It's only 3 miles away but that means nothing.  It should only take 10 minutes, but that won't be the case.  Oh dear.  I was supposed to leave 20 minutes ago.

Snow way

It's snowing.  Yeah, that's right, I said snowing.  It's also accumulating too.  Ugh!  I have to go to a wedding tonight too.  Heels and snow, great combo. 

I'm hungry but I don't know what to eat.  Maybe I can wait 6 hours?  Probably not.  I just put lotion on my hands and my cat is sitting on me and licking it all off.  She loves lotion.  I'll have a yogurt.

Oh, so the wedding I'm going to, my friend is anorexic and weighs about 92 pounds.  She claims that she's better, but she's not.  That will be a lot of fun to see her in her dress and for her to see me (fat) in mine.  Awesome.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Ibuprofin, my friend

I had a good sesh with Charro this morning.  I said to her, "What if you give up on me?"  She, of course, asked if I was giving up on myself.  I said no.  She said that my thoughts really show that I'm a "compulsive exerciser," which I don't fully agree with, and that I use exercise as a way of purging.

Now onto Advil...

After running and teaching aerobics last night, my hip wasn't feeling all that great.  I worked out this morning, came home and iced it and took some Ibuprofen.  Wow, it really does work.  I am in no pain right now.  Weird.  I took it around 1 PM but it apparently is still working.  That means I can dance up a storm at the wedding I'm going to tomorrow.  I finally get to see my guy after not seeing him in a month, since the "I thought I was going to crap my pants" date.

Time for bed.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Doing things I shouldn't be doing

I know I shouldn't have, but I weighed myself last night when I got back.  I didn't gain the weight that I thought I gained.  It's so weird how you can feel that way but it's not the case.  Well, I did sort of restrict a little Tuesday night and yesterday, so that might have been the reason.  I really hate the word "restrict" when referring to food intake.  I also ate a lot of salad (I know, so bad) hoping that I'd poop out everything that I ate.  I know that that is so wrong, but I did it.  It didn't work.  I shouldn't be doing that because I could seriously be damaging my body.  I guess I should tell Charro that but I don't really want to.  What if she fires me because she feels like I have no hope of ever changing?  Maybe I should bring that up with her.

Charro told me that her office is moving next fall. That sucks.  Right now it is so easy for me to walk to it twice a week and now it's moving farther away into a huge tourist area.  That is really going to suck at Christmas time because it's in Rockafeller Center.  I don't like going there on any given day, never mind during Christmas season.  Yuckers.  It's not happening until next Fall, but still.

My little one has been sitting on my lap purring ever since I got home.  She keeps sitting on me whenever I sit down.

I've been doing some serious cleaning.  I tried to clean my filthy windows outside today, but couldn't really reach to get the screws on the top of the screen off.  I got one off but not the other and I didn't want to fall off of my balcony so I quit trying.  The window was SOOOO dirty from Hurricane Irene so I had to clean it.  It's much better not.  It doesn't look like a black window.

I'm still tired.  I guess you can't catch up on sleep in one night. 

I have an exciting week ahead of me.  Tomorrow my vet and her husband are coming to visit.  I've never hung out with her before but she friended me on Facebook which made me very happy.  She said she hasn't friended any of her other patients and I'd probably be the only one.  That made me feel really good.  She is AWESOME with my cats.  I love her!  Saturday I am have a wedding to go to in the cold rain, but the guy I'm dating is coming.  Sunday I'm going to see my brother. :)  Yay.  Monday I have Charro.  Next Friday my friend who I told about my ED is coming to stay with me overnight and then Sunday I have a baby shower, which isn't really fun, but I get to see my college roommate. :)  Busy busy.  I'm excited.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Back from Chicago

I'm back home.  Cats are happy to have me back and I am so happy to get to sleep in my own bed tonight.  SLEEP!!  I did not sleep at all this trip.  We had fun, minus my freakout, or freakouts.  The people I work with are really fun to be with.  We literally just laugh and make fun of everyone the entire time, and make incredibly inappropriate comments.  It's a good group.

I had a pointless phone sesh with Charro this morning.  I didn't really feel like talking to her because it was too early and I was too tired and I was hiding in a closet to have our phone sesh.  I couldn't do it in my room because it was a loft and people would have heard me.  I thought they could hear me in the closet too.  So, I was so totally done with it by 8:30 but I still had 20 minutes left.  Actually, it was 7:30 my time.  I felt like I wasted both hers and my time.  We did talk about my freakout the other night.  I don't really remember, nor do I wish to think about what else we talked about because that would require my brain to do something.  It doesn't want to think.

Oh, I told her that I ran on Sunday and she asked me if my hip hurt.  I told her yes.  I'm going to run tomorrow morning because I haven't worked out since Sunday.  I teach aerobics tomorrow night and I could workout before class but I'd rather just go run in the  morning, I think.  I may change my mind and just work out before class. We'll see, it is going to be rainy.

I guess that's it.  I have to unpack and clean tomorrow because I'm going to have a visitor at some point maybe Friday or Saturday and my place needs to be spotless.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Car meltdown

Last night my co-workers and I went to the 95th floor of some building for a work thing and the view was absolutely amazing.  I felt disgustingly fat and brought jeans to change into because we were going to a casino after.  Well, I put my jeans on in the car and proceeded to have an internal meltdown because they were way too tight and I got too fat and I can't take it.  I voiced how my jeans don't fit but people don't really understand so I kept things to myself.  Ugh.  I even emailed Charro on my phone what was probably a horrible email.  Oh well.  Freakouts happen.  I love money.  We move on.  So, not a great night as far as gambling went.  I guess I shouldn't listen to my dreams.  I had a dream that I won $400 so I thought it would be a good idea to play the slots.  Nope.  It wasn't!!  Ugh.  We had fun driving there though.

I'm clearly too tired to make appropriate paragraphs, and I have to sneeze.  I'm never eating again and must go for a run later, even though my hip hurt after I ran Sunday night.  I have to do it, I will probably regret it when something worse happens to my hip, although I don't think the injury can get worse, just stays the same.  Ugh.  My anorexic friend is getting married on Saturday so I have to go to that and look all fat there too.  Awesome.  She looks like a 10 year old boy, which is not a good look, but she thinks she's fat. 

I am so freaking sleepy.  I am not sleeping well in this house because my bedroom sucks and I hear EVERYTHING because I'm in a loft.  Oh well.

What a scattered post.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Deep dish

I'm  here.  Things are fine here.  I worked out a little bit yesterday morning, like 18 minutes, and then went for a run last night with my boss.  It was a good run and my first run outside in a long time.  My hip was pretty sore after and now my calves are sore (muscle soreness) from running outside.  That's a good soreness, the hip, not so much.

I am so sick of eating.  I barely ate dinner last night because I was still full from lunch.  Yes, I am eating real food.  I had deep dish pizza.  It was okay.  I think it sat in my stomach like a lead weight.  I need to run a million miles.

I can't really focus to write right now because all of my co-workers are around.  Oh, I just got a little hungry. Time for my sticks.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Ass talk

I don't feel like going on this trip.  It's like The Real World except we all work together and are staying in the same house.  Ooh, isn't that fun.  Five days couped up with the same people, co-workers no less.  No escape!  The best part of business trip is getting to stay in nice hotels and not have to lift a finger.  No cleaning.  No bed making.  No people when you want to be alone!

I worked out this morning but I don't think it was enough.  I am hoping to go for a run tomorrow, if not tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday.  I'm hoping I get to do a phone sesh with Charro on Wednesday, but if it doesn't work out, no big deal.  I guess I just need to make it through this trip with all of the food, and eating later than I want to, and not getting to workout the way that I want to.

Yesterday Charro and I were talking about my ass.  I have to write down my thoughts and one of them was "My ass is huge."  So we discussed my ass. She said, "Do you understand how distorted you are?  Does that sound distorted to you, that you think your ass is huge?"  Then she said, "Do you know the whole time that it's really not huge?"  Then she said, after some other things, "Your ass is huge.  That's just ridiculous!"  Well, I'm glad to know that Charro does not think my ass is huge. 

I hate leaving my kitties cats, especially now since they're getting older and I worry more about them.  The little one is coming to sit on my fat stomach now.  I love her!! :)

Friday, October 21, 2011

It's kind of cold and dreary out and I have to go stand outside for a few hours.  Brr.  It's our last game though, so I won't complain.

I brought my homework in for Charro.  She thinks I'm doing a good job with it and she wants me to keep doing it.  It's too complicated to explain what it is, so I won't even try.  (Oooh, my favorite song from Martina's new cd is on).  I told her I was going to take the sheet of paper out at dinner on my business trip so we could all do it together.  Ha.  She said that it's great cognitive behavioral therapy.  Well, it might be, but not with my co-workers.  :)  I told her I was sad because I won't see her until next Friday.  I told her not to cry.  Ha.  Then I said, "Ooh, I'm going to be so sad when you leave for the last time."  She was like, "You keep saying this, like I'm going to never come back and I'm going to die or something."  I said, "No, when you leave for maternity leave."  I told her that I would cry.  She said, "Did you cry the last time?"  I said, "No, I don't cry!"  She said, "You should have a good cry.  It would be good for you."  She said, "I'm just going to be gone a few weeks, I mean months."  Yes, it will truly suck.  Maybe I'll talk more about that with her on Friday...WIF.  I tried to convince her to change WIW to WIF since I go home on WIW and have to hop on a train right after I see her which means that I cannot drink a ton of water because I don't want to have to pee on the train.  Those bathrooms are nasty.  Did you like that run-on sentence?  So, I need to be able to chug water, if need be, for my weigh-ins.  I know, not the most honest thing in the world and I don't chug a lot of water, but I also need to wear appropriate clothing for the weigh-ins and sometimes I can't do that when I'm going home right after.  Wow, I know what I mean by everything but that probably made no sense and I'm not going back to read it to see if it did or not.

My contacts want to come out of my eyes but I can't take them out until later.

I think I might need gloves for today.  I'll pack them in my bag. 

I really will miss Charro during her maternity leave.  I have such a connection with her and it will be hard to not see her for a few months.  I am really glad I have Stephanie to see though.  At least I know that I really like her and connected with her as well.  It will just be hard going from three times a week down to one.

I guess I should get ready to leave since I have to leave soon.  Ugh,I need to pack too.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

The cutest thing ever!

I am absolutely OBSESSED with this story.  It is the cutest thing ever!!!!!!!!!!

Colitis thoughts, blacklights and other stuff

I feel like I need to work out for 9 hours.  Oh, I'm supposed to write that down for my homework.  Maybe I will.  If I'm going to eat dinner before I go to the gym, I need to do that soon, but I'm not really hungry. I wish I didn't have to eat.  I'm just excited to fully partake in the class that I'm teaching. My hip still feels good!  I'm going to go early and workout.

I am kind of wondering if I might choose to eat "bad things"  (meaning, things that are not good for my colitis) while I'm away.  The thought is crossing my head more because I know I'll be forced to eat a lot of meals.  You know what, that's nuts, I'll be fine because I never really eat that much during these things anyway so what am I really worried about?  I just had a momentary lapse, I guess.  We'll see what happens.  My boss likes to take us to steak houses and I don't eat meat and now I can't eat salad so I don't know what I'll eat.

I might blow away when I go outside.  It's quite windy out.

One of my cats pissed on my rug, I think.  I smelled it last night.  I bought a black light to try and find it tonight.  I also need to pack.  I hate packing.

I bought 2 new workout shirts today.  I bought bigger sizes because I didn't want the shirts tight on me. I guess I should write that down too.

Ew, it's freezing where I'm going on Saturday.  EW!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A rainy WIW

WIW was uneventful.  Charro told me that I need to gain weight still.  I'm sick of this.  I don't need to gain weight.  I don't like getting fatter and it's really starting to bother me.  I won't have WIW next week because I'll be away, but I will have WIF.  Fantastic!

I told Charro that I could be "colitis bulimic."  (meaning that I could eat foods that are not good for my colitis in order to poop everything out of my body and lose weight).  I told her I wouldn't, but she said the fact that I even had that thought shows "how much I'm still in the eating disorder."  Honestly though, the thought has crossed my mind many times and I might have sort of have eating salad when I knew I was going to be eating a big meal.  I guess that means I did do it in a disordered way.

Here's the good news, I ran today again, only three miles, but my hip feels good still. Yay.  Well, I think sitting on my couch causes more discomfort than anything, and that's the truth.

I just made tea.  I'm going to drink it and if I'm still hungry later, I will eat an apple.  I guess I didn't really eat them much today, if I do think about it, but I feel like I have and I am gaining weight so I don't need to eat more.

I'm sleepy.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Something's wrong

Something is wrong with my cat.  I got home and I she didn't come and greet me at the door like she always does.  My male cat did, but she didn't.  I called her and looked around and couldn't find her, then I found her in the closet.  She wouldn't  come out.  I pulled her out and she had a poop hanging from her tail.  She ran back into the closet and then I got her out and pulled the poop off.  She ate, but she's still acting really weird.  I'm scared that something is wrong with her.  She had 3 cancer surgeries 3 years ago.  Ugh.  Of course I have to go on a business trip on Saturday for five days.  Not good at all.  I'm going to freak if something is wrong. 

I was going to write other stuff but I can't right now.

Okay, now I'll write.  I am not going to be able to sleep tonight because I'm worried about my Squish.  Ugh.

I am fat and I am not happy about it.  I felt this way before I became upset about my cat, so that has nothing to do with it.  I just confirmed my fatness by stepping on the scale.  Clearly I won't have to worry about not weighing enough for WIW tomorrow.  I'm going to weigh 3000 pounds.  Effers!

I am so tired all of a sudden and I don't to brush my teeth, wash my face, and stick meds up my butt, but I guess I have to.  I hate that I have to do 3-4 things every night.  The fourth is flossing, which I'm going to skip tonight.  Ugh.  I am not happy right now because I am worried about my squishalicious.  My other cat has a bloody mouth.  This is all just fantastic.  It might be better if I didn't weigh 3000 pounds.

I can't wait for WIW

I'm so excited for WIW tomorrow.  Totally kidding, by the way.  I get an extra 6 minutes because Charro took me late yesterday because she had a "phone call emergency."  So, she's tacking on 6 minutes to our sesh.  Of course I said, "You know what the means, don't you?"  She said, "No WIW?"  I said, "Yep, no WIW."  She said, "Why would the mean no WIW.  We need to have WIW" and then she went into her explanation as to why I need to be weighed every week.  Blah.  I'm sure I'll weigh 2000 pounds tomorrow anyway so I guess it doesn't matter.  If I keep being up then I won't have to have WIW anymore, just "spot WIWs."  Those would actually be worse than scheduled WIWs.

I'm heading back to NYC in a little bit.  I had lunch with my family and am still full so I hope no one wants to have dinner.  I plan on passing out on the train, which always makes the boring ride go by much fast.

It's going to pour rain tomorrow so I'll be soaked by the time I get to Charro's office.

Oh yeah, my hip still feels great and I ran this morning. I only ran 2 miles, but still, I ran.  It just felt like it was locking up a little, I guess, in the hip flexor area.

Charro LOVES saying "WIW," by the way.

Monday, October 17, 2011

I would have liked to have seen that

Charro went to a wedding on the beach this weekend.  First of all, I told her that it was going to be very windy on Saturday, which it was.  She asked if she could wear heels and I said "No, you can't wear shoes on the beach!"  Well, let me rewind, first when she asked me last week what the weather was going to be like on Saturday she said that she was "getting married."  Then she laughed and said, "No, I'm going to a wedding."  Anyway, she wondered what the bride was going to wear for shoes and I said, "probably nothing."  So today when I went in I said, "So, what did the bride have on her feet?"  She said, "Nothing."  I said, "See, I told you so."  Then she said, "I fell while I was walking."  I, of course, laughed and said, "You were wearing heels weren't you?"  She said yes and then said that someone came up to her later and said, "You're such a graceful faller."  HAHA!  I told her that I would have paid money to see her wipe out on the beach.  I told her that she should have listened to me and gone with NO shoes.  Next time she'll know. 

I told her that my legs were so tired today and she asked me if I had walked to her and I said, "Yes."  She asked why and I said, "Because I'm compulsive."  I thought she would like that answer.

Time for me to go to bed.


My shelf just collapsed in my closet.  Oh well, I don't have time to deal with that now.  I have a work call at 11 and then I have to leave for Charro and then I have work after that and then I head home.  So, it's going to have to wait until Wednesday when I can pull stuff out of my closet, get the bookshelf out so I can nail nails into it.  The whole thing just totally broke so I don't even know if this will fix it.

I played field hockey yesterday and jump roped and everything and my hip feels good today.  I iced it and took Ibueprofin when I got home, so maybe that helped.  We shall see as I continue to up my activities throughout the week.

I don't think this homework assignment is all that helpful for me.  I'll talk to Charro about it today.  Hopefully my conference call doesn't go for 9 hours so I can walk down to my sesh. It's nice out today.

I'm tired and I don't know why.  I slept for almost 10 hours.  I bit my cheek and now it has a bump and it's getting in my way.

One of my sneakers has mysterious blood on it.  I'm pretty sure it's blood and I don't know where it came from and it's gross.  I sprayed it with bleach yesterday and left it outside, but it's still on there.  I wonder if it's from my cat, who likes to sleep on my shoes.  Hmm.

Oh, I need to empty the litter box too.

I feel like I weigh 200 lbs today.  I almost weighed myself this morning, but I didn't.  Maybe I should have.  Maybe I should go weigh myself now.  I have WIW on Wed. so I'll definitely weigh myself before then.  Let's be honest, I'll probably weigh myself on good old "Bertha" tonight or tomorrow morning.  :)  I just feel like I've gotten fatter over the past week.  Now I'm starting to really want to weigh myself.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Resuming normal activity

Well, I am going to resume all normal physical activity tomorrow.  Woo hoo.  The lady I babysit for is a doctor and she fixed me up with the doctor I saw and I asked her a bunch of questions about my hip and told me that I could go back to my normal activity because, "A tear is not going to heal itself.  You must be going crazy not doing stuff."  Yep!  So, I am going to resume all normal physical activity.  YAY.  It will probably hurt after this, but I'd rather just get this all figured out and do what needs to be done.  I also asked her about getting a second opinion and she I could see a different orthopedic doc at the place.  We shall see.

My cats are all being crazy.  One is in the bathroom meowing so loudly because she wants me to lift her up so she can drink out of the sink.  The other is sitting behind me.

Friday, October 14, 2011

I got homework

Charro gave me homework to do for a while.  They're these sheets of paper that require way too much work. There are like 9 million questions to everyone one thing on there, so it's sort of annoying. I'll just do the basic stuff because I don't have time for all of these millions of things that it says/asks.

I am going to eat some of my pineapple soon because it's tasty. :)  My new Martina CD should come in the mail today. YAY!!  I ordered it from Target because it came with 4 bonus tracks. I love bonus tracks.

Charro said something funny, odd or random today, don't remember which it was, I just remember that I gave her a crazy look like "really?"  I'll remember when I listen to the sesh.

I told her that I freak out on Thursday nights while I'm teaching class because I can't do what they're doing and I feel fat, out of shape and lazy.  I told her that I am going to resume normal activity next Thursday night because that will almost be 4 weeks since the PA told me "no high impact."  My hip doesn't feel too bad at the moment but I'm not sure if it's because of the cortisone shot or because I've been taking it easy.  Who knows.

It's yucky out.  I don't know if I should wear shorts or pants to practice.  Hmm...probably pants but I have shorts on now.  I guess I should get ready.  I can't wait to start running again, maybe next Friday.  :)  I don't even really like running but I need to do it because it will feel good.  Well, I'm going to play field hockey on Sunday so we'll see how I feel after that. I'm not going to hold back at all/  I'll go all out.

Thursday, October 13, 2011


It's hard for me to teach my class on Thursday nights, not being able to bounce around.  Next week, that's it, I'm going to jump rope and bounce, I don't care anymore.  I have to do it.  My 4 weeks will be up and I'm just going to do what I want.  I'll start running again too.  I feel disgustingly fat and gross and out of shape so I need to get back the horse here.  My hip is just going to have to do whatever it does.  They will seriously have to sedate me for 12 weeks if I have to have surgery.  UGH!  We'll cross that bridge when we get there.  I'll have to work out extra hard tomorrow so maybe I don't feel so fat.

Best lunch break ever

It feels so good to sit down.  I walked over to Regis and Kelly this morning to see if I could catch a glimpse, and a photo, of Taylor Swift for my nieces.  They absolutely love her and was hoping I could snap a picture for them.  Then I walked down to Penn Station hoping that I could catch a glimpse of my favorite singer, Martina McBride, as she got off the train.  (She was on a cross country train ride promoting her new CD, ELEVEN.  Go buy it).  Well, I got to stand 10 feet from her while she performed 5 songs.  Not a bad day.  I finally made it home after walking around and being on my feet for 6 hours.  I only walked about 4 miles, but I still have to walk another 2 miles and teach an aerobics class.  My hip feels good today, which is good because it was killing me yesterday.

That's about it.

Charro said, "See you on WIF."  I hope she doesn't have any intentions of weighing me again tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

WIW was fine

I am debating whether or not to go to the gym right now.  I am half dressed to go.  I don't feel like doing the elliptical for the 9 millionth time and if I went and rode the bike it would be boring and probably not great for my hip.  Maybe I just won't go today and I'll go Friday instead of taking Friday off.

WIW went fine.  I was 2 pounds higher than I was last week and I was wearing less clothes, which is good I guess.  I carried my water bottle on the scale with me and she didn't even notice.  She said, "Well, you are wearing my clothes," and I said, "And I'm holding my water bottle."  :)  So she took it and put it down.  I said, "I can't believe you didn't notice that."  I did manage to put the "Broken" sign on the scale without her noticing.  I said, "Oh, we can't have WIW because the scale is broken."  She laughed and said, "Good thing I know how to fix it."  She did say I was pretty quick and sleek with my hands and that I should be a "magician's assistant."  Ha!

She's looking more pregnant now.  She did have a tight shirt on though, so maybe that's why. 

My eyes are tired.  I need to take my contacts out.  Maybe I'll go to the gym a little later.  I should go.  I'm getting that guilty thing going on.  I had a dream that I was running on the treadmill.  I wish I was running on the treadmill.

Charro hung up one of my photos on the wall in her office.  The nutritionist had put some pictures up there but she left and took them with her so I offered a photo of Italy that I took.  There are two other pictures that she wants but she has to check with the people to see if it's okay if she hangs them up because they like to hang up this ugly artwork from this donator.  It's really bad artwork.  Charro hates it too.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Halfway there

I just realized that I don't really think that I'm eating that much, oh well, I guess it happens.  I need to run to the store to pick something up that I forgot to get this morning, which is annoying.  I'm making dinner for a friend.  I guess I'll run and get a free tea at S-Bucks too.

I was vacuuming but my vacuum crapped out on me, which it's known to do.  I don't want to have WIW tomorrow.  I'm going to make a sign that says "Broken" and stick it on Charro's scale when she's not looking, which is usually never, but it will still be funny.  I can get her to look the other way at some point.  I'll just pretend like I see a bug, she'll freak out and look and then I can place the sign on the scale.  Obviously she's going to know I did it, but still, I don't care.  I'm so sick of getting weighed.  I might as well go weigh myself right now to see what tomorrow will bring for me.  I need to make sure I choose my outfit accordingly.

I have a really long arm hair.  That's funny.

Next Friday will be 4 weeks since the PA said, "No high impact for 4-6 weeks."  Well, I have sort of done that, minus the field hockey and lacrosse playing, but come Friday, or maybe even Thursday night, I will incorporated my high impact activities again and then running.  I leave for Chicago that weekend and I will need to be able to run there since I won't have access to a gym.  Plus, I have a friend who lives there and I told her we'd run together when I got there.  :)  So, I'm not giving it 6 weeks, screw that.  It still hurts anyway, though not as bad, but that could be because the cortisone hasn't fully worn off yet.  I need to google that, actually.  I'll do that when I finish this.  So, normal activity will resume at the end of next week and that will make me happy.  Of course I'll be stupid and run on my hip, even though it hurts, but if it's going to hurt anyway, I might as well do the things I want to do. 

Monday, October 10, 2011

Rockin weather

I need to turn on a light because it's quite dark in here.  My armpits stink.  Those are my random thoughts, now let's get down to business.

I had a decent sesh with Charro.  I wish I could get really deep and talk about stuff, but I don't know what to talk about.  I do feel like I want to really start talking though, which is new for me, I guess.  I just am not sure what to say.  I guess I feel like I can open up with others more, if the time is right. 

Charro wants me to explain to her on Wednesday why I hate WIW so much.  I have to see if I can figure it out and put it into words, other than the fact that I hate her weighing me and me having to be a certain number.  That's a big one.

I should ice my hip.  It isn't feeling too bad, but I noticed that it was hurting more when I left Charro's office.  By the way, we've both decided that I need to stop obsessing about my hip and just make another appointment with another doctor to get a second opinion to help ease my questions.

By the way, our weather is freaking ROCKING right now, but ending soon. :(

Sunday, October 09, 2011

That one shocked the hell out of me

I went to go see my college field hockey team play today.  Afterwards I was sitting with my coach (former coach, I guess) and we were chatting.  I said, "So, what's new with you, other than field hockey?"  She said, "Well J. and I have been dating for about a year and a half."  (Background info: My coach was married for 10 years and just got a divorce within the past year.  J. also works at the school and I found out a few years ago that she had a "partner."  That I wasn't really surprised about.)  So, I was completely freaking shocked.  I didnt' know what to say and paused for a minute.  I honestly don't believe she's a lesbian and I feel like it's more of an "emotional connection" type situation because she and her hubby just split.  It's still mind boggling to me because I just don't see this at all.  I'm in shock.  I like J. a lot and I love my coach, but I just don't get this at all.  It's not making any sense to me and I don't see it at all.  I really think my coach is just confused.

In other news, I played field hockey today and sprinted like hell and it was fun.  I have lots of turf burn on my knees from diving.  So much for following the "no running" rules.  I think my hip is fine.  My legs will be tired tomorrow.  I have to work out in the morning and then go to work, then get on a train and go back to NY and then rush home and then walk to Charro's.  Busy busy and then I may have a date.  Not sure about that yet.  So, that's about it.

Must put my clothes in the dryer and then I can go to bed early.  :)

Saturday, October 08, 2011

And sleep

I was passed out, in bed, by 9 PM last night.  I couldn't keep my eyes open.  I won't up around 2:30 AM and tossed and turned for a while and then woke up for good at 6:30 AM.  So, why am I still exhausted?  I have no idea.  What the heck is wrong here?  I also have a headache and did all night, which isn't helping the situation.  I kind of just want to go back to bed.  I think this always happens to me in October.  I think it's the change of the season or something because every October I feel like I have mono and just need to sleep all the time.

My family is coming today.  My parents were supposed to come yesterday but now are coming today with my sister and nephews.  It's going to be beautiful out, so it will be perfect for everyone to be here.

I had a dream about my hip last night.  I'm completely obsessing about it and honestly believe I was misdiagnosed.  I dreamt that I went to the doctor and told the PA that I didn't think I had a tear and then I saw another PA and I told him that the doctor never did any of the movement tests on my to see what hurt and stuff.  He was shocked. I think I'm going to make an appointment with someone else at home for a second opinion.

Today is African penguin awareness day, FYI. :)

Friday, October 07, 2011

Talking hips

My sesh with Charro was good this morning.  We talked a lot about my hip injury and how I'm feeling about all of that and how I don't think my diagnosis is correct.  She thinks I just don't want to be injured and don't want to believe the diagnosis, but that's not it.  Of course I don't want to be injured, but I don't think the diagnosis is correct because does not match the pain of what a labral tear is described as.  I don't go back to the doc until December, but if my pain comes back and gets worse, I may try to see him sooner so I can get some answer.  I just want answers, people.  I've made a list of questions that I want to ask him.

I have been so freaking exhausted this week and all I want to do is sleep.

I'm playing field hockey on Sunday.  Not so much going to help the hip situation, I totally get that.  I just remembered that I have to email my friend so I better do that now before I forget.

My hip bone was visible through my shirt this morning.  I did like that.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

No dinner choices

It's dinner time and I have no idea what to eat because I don't really have anything that would be considered a meal.  I had fake egg whites on an english muffin for lunch so I don't want that again.  I have chicken that I need to throw out because it tastes weird.  I have a ton of yogurt so it looks like that's what I'll be eating.  I'm so not in the mood for that.  I don't want a cheese sandwich.  I finished my soup.  I have to work out before I teach my class because I can't jump around so I need to work out before I teach so I can burn some calories.  My hip feels good today, though I didn't do anything but clean, so it should feel good.  Maybe I won't need surgery.

I guess I should go eat my stupid yogurt.  I'll be starving later.

Take out the "M"

In "cramps" and you get how you crap. 

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

WIW, I don't think it will ever end

Today is Charro's birthday and we had WIW.  What a morning.  Ha!  I made her treats and she was happy.  I didn't get out of WIW, which didn't make me happy.  I wore the jeans she banned me from wearing on WIW in the past, although I don't think she noticed because she didn't say anything to me.  I was so not where I'm supposed to be weight-wise and she didn't take out hard on me today, which I was shocked about.  I was the same weight I have been for the past few weeks, but I would have thought that she would have assumed a I was much less because I had more clothes on today.  In the past I weighed this and was wearing shorts and a tank top.  All she said to me was, "you have to get on it," but she said it in a nice way, not her usual tone.  (Not that her usual tone in not nice, just more serious).  I don't know why she was taking it easy on me today.

I'm icing my hip right now.  I was going to go to the gym but I'm skipping it.  It doesn't hurt that much but the cortisone is wearing off.  I'm not really sure if the cortisone wore off now or if I just hurt it playing lacrosse on Saturday.  I'm not sure which one it is.

I hope my parents don't say anything about my weight.  They're staying with me here on Friday night and then I'll be with them all weekend.  I guess that's something I can discuss with Charro on Friday.  Oh wait, no I can't because then she'll think I've lost weight.  Never mind.

I'm tired.  October always makes me so tired.  I think it's because it gets dark so early now.  I'm probably pmsing too, which makes me really tired.

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

I told someone

My sesh with Charro yesterday wasn't as lame as I thought it would be.  Tomorrow should be better though.  I have to make her treats when I get home tonight.  I emailed her to wish her a "happy Australian birthday."  It's a running joke we have.  Anyway, I also mentioned that we had an "Australian WIW" too so we don't have to do it tomorrow.  She emailed me back and said, "Was I asleep for the Australian WIW?"  I wrote back and said, "Yes, that's why I'm reminding you.  Wasn't it so considerate of me to get it over with today so we don't have to do it tomorrow."  :)

I met up with a friend today who I met at my gym at home.  We see each other occasionally.  She's in her 40s and is a psychologist.  So, we were chatting and I must have said how I would "just starve myself if I had to have hip surgery."  She said, "I know you would."  I think that is what prompted her to say, "are you seeing someone for that?"  (Although, she might have said that in regards to something else, now that I think about it).  I said, "yes."  She said, "Seriously?"  And I said, "Yes."  So then she asked me if they think I have an ED and I said "yes" and she asked me what I think and I said, "I don't know."  So we chatted a little bit about it.  She said, "I'm sorry" after she found out that I have an ED.  I said, "It's okay."  There's nothing for her to be sorry about, that's for sure.  It's my fault, no one elses.  Anyway, she asked me a few questions.  She said, "That's nothing compared to the stuff I can tell you about me."  So, we're having a "slumber party" (haha) in November.  She's going to come stay over for a night and we're just going to chat it up.  It was good that I told her, I guess.  I can trust her and I know she won't judge me at all.  Now I have someone else I can talk to about it too.  Charro will be impressed.

So, that was my day today.  I can't wait to go to bed. :)

Monday, October 03, 2011

I don't feel like going to see Charro today.  I have nothing to say.  I'd rather just stay home and take a nap.  The walk down there will feel like an eternity, I bet, but I need a nice, long walk because I didn't do much yesterday.  Maybe I can think of something good to talk about when I see her.  I saw her picture on the NEDA facebook page because she did the NEDA walk yesterday.  Haha.  I might have written that already, but I don't remember.

I think my cortisone shot is wearing off.  I need to water my wilting plants.  I have a conference call for work in 6 minutes so maybe I should water my plants now.  We do these calls every Monday and they're pretty lame, much like this post. 

Wednesday is an exciting day, it's WIW (sense the sarcasm) and Charro's birthday.  Oh how I love WIW.  I'm going to wear the jeans she banned me from wearing last year when she was weighing me all the time.  She's going to love that on her birthday.  I'll wear a big, heavy belt too. :)  WIW!

Sunday, October 02, 2011


I can't wait to go to bed tonight.  I'm hoping my friend doesn't stop by later because I just want to go to sleep.  I've been on the go non-stop since 7 AM yesterday.  I played in my lacrosse game, which wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.  Field hockey is a million times better.  I ran and my hip was/is sore, but that's okay and that was expected.  I iced it once, on my drive home, but I should probably still ice it but I forgot to bring an ACE bandage back from my house so I can wrap the ice around my hip.

I just found a picture of Charro on the NEDA facebook page.  She did the walk this morning and her picture is up.  Haha.  I wish she wasn't standing in the back row so I could have seen what she looks like in normal clothes.

I need to make a dessert, which I should do tonight but I don't have it in me.  I need to make it before Wednesday morning and tomorrow is a busy day and then I go home and I don't get back here until Tuesday night, at which point I won't feel like making these pretzels.  Maybe I can do part of them tomorrow and the rest on Tuesday night.  Blah.  I'm making them for Charro's birthday on Wednesday.

I don't really have anything to talk to her about tomorrow.  Maybe I should just stop going since I won't be seeing her come February anyway.  That's a thought.

Why did I not turn on my bathroom light?  Hmm.

I went out for an early dinner tonight, 4 PM...Charro would not approve. :)  I started my meal with a spinach salad, probably something I should not have been eating, and I think my race go get home confirmed that.  It was so good though.

Okay, I guess I'll ice my hip.  Maybe I'll vacuum too.