Sunday, July 31, 2011

Oompa Loompa

I bought these new shorts about 2 months ago and I just wore them for the first time.  I have them on now and I look like an Oompa Loompa.  I don't like them.  I look huge and I feel pretty huge right now.  It doesn't help that I have cramps either.  I just feel disgustingly fat right now and I hate it.  I told Charro that I want to have a 6-pack and she said, "Ew, I don't think that looks good."  I said, "Well you don't have to have one, nor do you have to look at my stomach if I have one." 

I'm supposed to meet up with this guy, NO, it's not a date, today but I haven't heard from him since he's rolled into town.  I wouldn't be upset if things came up for him and he couldn't meet up because my energy is zapped.  That happens every month.  Oh, he is calling me now.  I hope doesn't think it's a date because it's so NOT a date but everyone I've talked to seems to think that he thinks it's a date.  Oh no. 

My cats are shedding like crazy.

I need to call back my date from last night.  I should do that now.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Nighty night, sleep time

I had a date tonight.  It was good.  I'm thirsty as a beast though because my dinner was so salty.  My stomach felt a bit weird after dinner, which wasn't fun, but I managed to not have any issues with it.  (UC related, not ED related).  I'm sleepy so I'm going to go to bed.  I have a busy day tomorrow.  I need to get my feet rubbed down at some point because they're still falling off.

My new AC seems to be working well, though I can't really figure out how to use it still.  Haha.

There's a NEDA walk in Brooklyn, should I do it?  Funny how and ED group has a function which requires exercising.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Tossing the scale

Yay, I got my new fancy AC unit today.  I'll test it out tonight.  :)  It's actually from this century and is digital.  My other one was like an old hotel unit. 

Charro told me that I'm not allowed to weigh myself anymore, ever.  Right, like that's really going to happen.  I told her I'd throw away my old scale that's under my bed when I got home.  (It's literally at least 20 years old).  I took it out from under my bed and stepped on it to see what it might say and then decided that I couldn't throw it away because what if I needed it?  I still have my new scale (well, like 3 yrs old) in my bathroom so I should have been able to throw this ancient one out, but I could not.  We'll discuss that on Monday.

My feet are still freaking killing me.  I may need to get a foot massage in Chinatown.  $30 for an hour.  I guess I could go to a nail place and have them massage my feet, but that would be more expensive.  They are shot, that's all I know.  I wonder if soaking them in cold water would make them feel better.

I need to get new Reef sandals but I don't want to spend $50 on them.  I've never spend more than $24 because I've gotten them at TJ Maxx.  I can't wear the ones I have anymore because I've worn them out, but I can't see spending $48 on them either.  I literally wear them all summer long, so I get good use out of them, so maybe it's worth it.  I hate spending money on things when I know I can get them cheaper, but who knows if TJ Maxx will ever have them again.  I got the pair I have at the store in Florida.

I hope I don't get thunderstormed on while I'm out tonight.  That would stink, but it's okay.

I was playing field hockey the other night and one of the ladies who came to play said "You look fitter than ever."  I told Charro this and she was pleased with that comment.  I actually thought she wouldn't be, but she was, so that's good.  She said, "maybe because you have more skin on you."  Um, okay, if you think that.

I'm sleepy.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

New AC coming

YAY...My new AC unit is being installed tomorrow.  Thank the Lord.  It's only been two years since it broke.  Finally these people got a clue.

Some people are blasting their music outside and it's really annoying.  Hello people, you're not the only ones who live here.  Okay, I found the source...kids down below who are trying to explode a soda bottle.  I'm waiting for them to get smacked in the eye with something.

My busy schedule continues, which I like.  I'm back in the city and won't see my nieces again until next Wednesday, which is sad.  I miss those little girls.  I'm happy that I got to spend three days with them. 

I'm hoping to get a good night's sleep tonight.  I'm going to hit the hay soon.  I don't think Charro will weigh me tomorrow, at least I hope she won't.  She usually just sticks to Wednesdays, so that's good.  She said that I cannot go down and I still have to gain weight.  I hate how people in the field never say "weight," they just say, "gain," like "you have to gain," or "you've gained."  Finish the saying.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I've been a busy girl.  First things first, I was told today that they're putting in a new AC unit it my place.  FINALLY!!!  Duh...you've come five times to fix it and it never worked.

I've been hanging with my nieces non-stop since Monday.  It's been great.  They slept over on Monday night.  They're adorable.  I showed them a picture of my old cat a few minutes ago and the little one asked what happened to her, if she had died.  I said yes and she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that."  So freaking adorable.  I love these girls and it was so nice to have them all to myself for a night.

These girls walked a ton yesterday.  They must have been exhausted, I know I was.  My feet were KILLING me.  Note to self, don't walk like 14 miles in two days in flip flops...not so good.

Monday I walked Charro's and then continued on to my brother's hotel to surprise them when they arrived.  They spotted me first.  Yesterday, I took the girls around the city, to the park and stuff.  We walked a ton and then I sat down for about 30 minutes before I had to go to field hockey, which meant another walk to and from the park.  I put my cleats on and my feet were on fire.  I'm guessing I walked 14 miles in those two days.

I saw Charro this morning.  Still having WIW.  I have to have it at least another next week because I wasn't up all of the way, but up some.  Charro said, "At least you're up, that's good."  Yeah yeah.

Time for bed.  My hair is still soaking wet but I can't really dry it because my nieces are asleep and my uncle is here and asleep.  Well, I can dry it a little I guess.  My hair takes forever to dry because it's so thick and I have a lot of it.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Still WIWing it

I really don't think WIW is going to be a ball of fun tomorrow.  Blah.  Time to take my nieces to breakfast. :)

Monday, July 25, 2011

Sleepover!!

My two nieces are sleeping over.  They just fell asleep.  They're too cute and I'm loving my time with them.  We're spending the whole day together tomorrow.  I'm taking them to a special place for breakfast.  The little one goes, "What small hands you have."  How freaking cute!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Beyond hot and pissy

I don't think I could be any more miserable right now.  It's 3000 degrees in my apartment.  I am calling my landlord first thing in the morning and telling that I'm not paying my rent until I get a new AC unit, and that I expect a deduction on it because this is just ridiculous!

I had to go get a new key made for the doormen, since mine mysteriously disappeared.  I got home and tried it and it didn't work so I had to go back.  I almost got shit on by a pigeon on my way back.  Seriously, who the hell did I piss off??

I need to go take a cold shower.  I might plop myself in the lobby for the rest of the day because it's nice and cool down there.

I gave one of my cats a sort of bath this morning.  She was drinking out of the sink so I went down her fur pretty good.  I think she liked it.  The other guy is under the table, probably dying of heat.  Not so good considering his kidney disease. :(

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Heads are gonna roll

My A/C is still not working and I am so fucking pissed right now.  It's 85 degrees in here.  I am calling my landlord first thing in the morning and the AC people.  This is fucking ridiculous.  This is two years of this shit and I am not paying rent until this is fixed!!!!!!!!!!

How did that happen?

I'm not quite sure how this happened, but I managed to lose weight...unless my scale at home is wrong but it keeps giving me the same number.  What?  Hmm, I don't know what to do so I'm just going to go outside and paint the deck.  I sat outside and looked at the stars last night.  I love doing that.  Bye.

Friday, July 22, 2011

"Taking a break"

Those have been Charro's words for a while now.  She said it again today.  She told me that if I'm not "up" we're going to have to take a break.  I know, I know.  I guess I'm going to have to do something about this.  I can't be mad at her, she's just doing her job.  I know she really, really wants me to talk, but I really, really suck at it and have no idea what to talk about.

Oh, I did a study today.  I had to answer questions and talk into a recorder, which was odd.  Ironically enough, it was the same one I use to tape my sesh's.  Then she brought out a huge bowl of M&Ms, cookies and potato chips.  I was told to eat however much as I wanted of each thing and then I had to answer questions about them.  I was hungry but I don't like potato chips and I was actually (first time ever) not in the mood for chocolate.  So, I ate a few M&Ms and a Chip's Ahoy.  I didn't want the whole cookie but I didn't know what to do with the rest of it.  I didn't want her to think I was all disordered.  It wasn't an ED study, Charro will be happy about that.

My AC might be fixed.  I am not in my apartment so I don't know.  I'm home and plan on doing nothing but sitting in my pool ALL day tomorrow.  It was 112 degrees in the city today.  It was nasty.

Doing laundry and going to bed!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Steam bath

Seriously, my AC still is not working.  I am so done with this and they need to give me a whole new one.  That's what I'm talking about!!

I came home to a message that they couldn't let the AC guys in yesterday because the key was not there.  Well, the key was there last week when the AC people used it to get in.  So, not only am I pissed that my key is missing, but I'm pissed because it's 400 thousand degrees in my apartment.  My AC blows out hot, steamy air and I am paying for this crap because it occasionally blows out cold air, for a minute.

They replaced my compressor 2 Septembers ago and it hasn't worked since then.  This is why they need to give me a whole new unit.  This is ridic!! They came three times last year to "fix" it and once already this year.  I am putting a big fight on this one, that is for sure!!

Charro tomorrow.  It's like a steam bath here.  I'll be a disgusting mess by the time I get to her office.  I have the worst breath right now from sweet chili rice cakes.  They taste really good though.

Oh yeah, and this lady at my gym at home, whom I haven't seen in a while, proceeded to emphasize how thin I'd gotten and looked, or whatever.  I cut her off. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

WIW continues

Well, I failed my weigh-in today, which means that WIW continues and I will be weighed next Wednesday.  Apparently, according to her scale, I lost weight so I have to gain a pound by next Wednesday.  She said that I have to start supplementing with shakes, Ensure, whatever.  Um, that's funny.  She said, "I'm not joking.  I said, "I'm not laughing."  She told me to get creative and make my own shakes up make sure I take in an extra 500 calories a day.  Hmm, I don't really think that's going to happen.

This is how it went down.

"I'm telling you something right now. You have to take a supplement every single day, whether it's Ensure (she says that funny). You have got to gain at least 1 pound by next week. This is not a joke. You have got to. Clearly you're not eating enough. Pack it on. You need to gain, have yourself some supplements. You can make them yummy."



I feel like I'm getting bit by little bugs and I don't know if I'm really getting bit or I'm just feeling like things are crawling on me.

It was way too hot at field hockey last night and we, all 6 of us, barely moved up and down the field.  We took a lot of water breaks and chat breaks and didn't play for very long.  The coolest part was seeing two baby hawks in the park.  I got a pretty decent picture of one with my phone.  The one time I don't bring my camera with me...Grr!  I need to carry it at all time.  More field hockey tonight, but on real field, not some grass patch in the park.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Maybe the last WIW?

The study I was supposed to do tomorrow got moved to Friday.  I don't know anything about it other than the fact that I can't eat 2 hours before it.  It should be interesting.  I think it's only 40 minutes long.  I haven't told Charro about it yet because I don't know anything about it so I wouldn't be able to answer her questions.  The questions I had to answer to qualify were pretty much ED related.  What if I see someone I know at this place?  It's in near my house.  Oh well.

I'm going to play field hockey in 92 degrees.  I love it.  I love when the sweat just pours off of me.  It's the best feeling.  I'll get to do it again tomorrow.

Oh, tomorrow is WIW.  Hopefully it will be the last WIW, but it will only be the last WIW if I make the weight.  I don't know if I will or not.  We shall see.  Then she's going to do random weigh-ins.  I'll missed being weighed.  HAHA!  NOT!  It's kind of awkward, like she's become my mother at that instance and I'm doing something wrong.  I can't really describe it.

My toe is itchy!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Where are you, abs?

It's been a while since I've said that I feel fat, so I thought I'd give it a shot again.  I don't know where my flat abs went.  I want them back.  I guess the only positive thing is that I should make weight on WIW, which means that I can stop getting weighed!!  Yay!  I'm not really sure what happens after that.  I'm supposed to tell her if I lose weight, but I guess I could not weigh myself so I don't know if I lose weight.  She's going to do "spot weigh-ins" so if she weighs me and I weigh less than I have to gain weight because it will be "an emergency" situation.  Um, yeah, call 911 because it will be an emergency.  I don't think so.

I'm still not sure if my AC is working.  Why can't I figure this out??  It seems to work at night, but not so much during the afternoon.  Stupid AC.

My sesh today was uneventful.  I'm trying to come up with some stuff to make Wednesday more eventful. 

Human hairballs

I have a conference call in a few minutes and I seem to have a hairball situation going on.  I'm not sure what that's all about, but it happened after I ate, so some part of my food has given me a hairball.

I ran to Charro's this morning.  She saw that I had my heart rate monitor watch on so she asked me if I was wearing it.  I told her that I needed to know what time it was.  Then she asked me if I was wearing the whole thing and I said, "Not at the moment."  I did tell her I had it on though.  She really wants me to get rid of it because it's "a behavior."  Truth be told, I do not want to get rid of it. 

I asked her who she was going to refer me to if she fired me.  She said, "A group."  I said, "A group?"  She said that she wasn't going to refer me to an individual therapist because I need more than that but the "group people" (that I found funny, "group people") would get me one.  Well, we're not going down that road anyway, so it doesn't matter anyway.

Oops, conference call time.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Shat on, again!

Besides getting shit on by a bird (for the second time in 4 months), my day was nice.  Here's what I did.






I need to clean

My cat keeps drinking the dirty water that my plants are sitting in.  Why?  He has a perfectly nice bowl of water inside.

I went to the beach yesterday.  It was so nice and quiet.  I LOVE the beach.  I cut my toe on a piece of glass or something.  I floated in the water.  I got to hang out with a friend I haven't seen in a few months.  It was a nice day.  Does swimming in salt water make you gain weight or retain water?  I think it might.  Too bad I'm not being weighed by Charro today because I'd probably pass and then she'd stop weighing me.  She did say she's going to "spot" weigh me, and then added, "I don't mean it to be like you're on probation."  Yeah, I know, she just wants to do her job.

I desperately need to clean my apartment.  I would do it right now, but I can't really vacuum at 7:45 AM on a Sunday.   Why does "vacuum" have two U's?

I have one of those painful ear zits.  Hate those!

I want to watch the US soccer game today but I'm going on a little boat ride.  Maybe I'll tape it.  I can probably catch the second half in a bar or something.

I have Charro earlier than usual tomorrow so I think I'll run there.  I haven't run in a long time and I need to get back into running shape.  It's been like 2 weeks since I've run.  I just don't enjoy it, but it feels good.  I think it's majorly boring.  I like doing it on the beach, barefoot, but that's about it.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Pesto

I need to make pesto because I have so much basil growing.  I don't even like pesto, which is the funny thing.  I want to like pesto because it looks good to me on cheese tortillini, but everytime I taste it I'm like, I don't really like it.  I'll make it anyway.  I think I like it on bread.

I wasn't sure if Charro was going to weigh me this morning.  She didn't, which was good.  We talked about other stuff, which was good.

I am doing a study on Wednesday but I'm not really sure what it is.  Ha!  I know I can't eat anything within the two hours prior to it.  I had to fill out a questionnaire to see if I qualified and I did.  I know it's some sort of eating/food related study, because of the questions.  I wonder if they're going to make me eat weird things.  I hope not.  I'm doing it because it will be interesting, I think, and I forgot they're paying me 10 bucks.  That's a train ride for me. :) 

I just watered all of my plants.  I think they're happier now. 

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A new agreement, baby

Charro and I have reached a new agreement.  I have to be at least 101 and I can't go below that.  Once I reach that weight, she will stop weighing me so we can focus on "the real issues."  Finally!! :)  So, I have not reached that number yet.  She said I was about 100.5 today.  I would have been okay if she didn't make me take my sweatshirt off.  So I'm happy about this.  I can stop worrying and focusing on this all of the time and maybe get some other stuff accomplished.  Yay.

I ripped part of my thumb nail off.  It hurts and I can't cut it anymore to get the rest of it off so I have to keep it covered so it doesn't snag on something and rip off the rest of the way.  Yum.

I saw a rainbow tonight.  :) The end.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

WIW # who knows

I'm not looking forward to WIW tomorrow.  Regardless of the situation, it's never fun.  I never leave there in a good mood after a bad WIW and I don't think tomorrow is going to be a good WIW. 

I wrote Charro a big email this morning trying to explain my thoughts.  I am so much better at writing them out then trying to get them out while I'm in there.  I just feel like she doesn't understand what I'm trying to say sometimes and I am more clear in my writing.

My one cat only likes cheese in its melted form.  She's picky.  She likes Italian cheeses though.  She's funny.

Oh, The Closer was good last night.  Oh, and I THINK my AC might actually be working properly, the jury is still out on that though.

Hmm, WIW...I'm going to have to figure this one out.  I'm going to be pretty dehydrated from playing field hockey in the 100 degrees tonight.  Dehydration is that last thing I need when I'm going to get weighed.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Have we reached an agreement?

So, I think I may have convinced Charro to stop weighing me and to not put so much emphasis on a number.  I gave her my half-assed food log.  I told her that I'm eating well and my weight shouldn't matter.  I told her that I think my body is where it wants to be, though she disagreed.  She thinks it wants to weigh more.  She said, "you weighed 103 before, you can get there again."  I said, "I didn't weigh 103, I wore a lot of clothes."  She said, "No, that didn't do it.  I'm not stupid."  Well, actually it did do it.  I had about 3-4 pounds of excess material on me.  She asked what I would do if I were in her shoes.  I said, "Well, I'd probably weigh me to make sure I wasn't LOSING weight, but I wouldn't care about me being a certain weight as long as I'm eating."  So, we shall see.

I tried to talk her into weighing me on Friday instead of Wednesdays.  She said that she likes WIW so we're going to stick with it.  Ugh, I don't like WIW, I want WIF instead.

I need to write out all of my thoughts.  Oh yeah, she says I need to make a decision about my heart rate monitor and let her know what it is on Wednesday.  She wants me to stop wearing it because it's a "behavior."  I am not ready to give that up yet.

More to come later maybe.  THE CLOSER premiers tonight.  YAY!!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Sinking couch

My couch is sinking.  I can't sit on it anymore.  I've stuff blankets under it but it's not helping.  I think I need to switch my couches around.  Sitting on this couch is causing my hip/back to hurt.  The couch is the culprit.  Ironically enough, I saw an add for the "furniture fix" on tv last night.  I was like, what perfect timing.  After doing extensive research (aka, one google search on reviews for the product), I am NOT going to get it.

How to get rid of bowls, part 1.

Accidentally drop them and have them shatter everywhere.  Not good.  I didn't want to get rid of that bowl.  I need more mixing bowls.

TV is boring. 
I think my cats are hot.
I have to make dinner but have no idea what to make and am not in the mood for anything.  Eating in the summer when it's hot isn't enjoyable.  I just want fruit salad and Italian ice all the time.  I love summer and the heat.  I wish I was at the beach though.
My kitty wants me to rub her belly.
My other kitty is asleep under my coffee table.  They will want dinner soon.

I totally want to be  on the show Wipeout but I am afraid I'd get hurt.  I can't risk getting anymore head injuries.  If I hadn't had so many concussions, I would totally try out!

Not exciting at all

I haven't had anything exciting to write about in quite a while.  I still don't have anything exciting to write about.  Actually, who's to say I ever wrote anything exciting??  I don't think I have, but it's funny because people love drama and when my life gets crazy and I write about it, I get a ton of hits on my blog.  I think it's funny.  I, myself, hate drama.  What I hate more than drama are the people who make drama in their lives because they can't live without it.  I try to avoid it at all costs, and even when things get a little nuts here, I don't really consider it to be drama.

I got a new phone.  I don't know how to use it.  I hate the touch keypad more than anything.  You cannot type on those things.  I miss my old school phone with it's keyboard.  I don't really text, but I email on my phone and this touchpad just ain't doing it for me.

I quit writing down my food log.  I just didn't want to do it anymore.  Actually, I didn't want to do it at all but I did it half-assed.  I wrote down food but no times or portions or anything.  She's going to have to deal with that.  It's just so tedious and I hate it.

I have to get my bum up and out the door.  I don't want to.  It's gorgeous out again today.  Yay.  I love summer.  These are all my random thoughts in this sentence.  I'm hungry but don't know what to eat and I just had breakfast and I just brushed my teeth.  I should probably coral my cat in so I can leave.  I will be walking in slow motion.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

T-2

Two days until I see Charro.  I'm not sure how I'm feeling about this.  I'm excited to go have a sesh, but I don't know how this week is going to pan out and how the next few weeks are going to pan out, and when I'll get fired.  I don't know if I should try and talk her out of having me weigh 103 or just fake it for a while.  The thing is, I don't know how I could really fake weighing 103.  It was much easier to do during the winter.

I'm sweating.  I turned my AC off because I hate wasting the money on it.  It's so freaking expensive.  I've been drinking a ton because I'm hot and it cools me off.  I think I'm going to go to bed soon because I'm beat.  The best part of my day was getting my gym membership down from $84 a month to $20.  Yay for teacher discounts.  I just wish I had known about this two years ago.  I love that I'll save $60 a month.  This is FANTASTIC!!!

I'm going to go try and meet Kyra Sedgwick on Monday when she's on Regis and Kelly.  The Closer starts up on Monday night and I cannot wait.  Love that show.  I hate when people get all excited and go crazy when they see celebrities.  They're just normal people with cool jobs.  I'm daring myself to ask Kyra, if I get the chance to talk to her, how she kicked the scale addiction.  I read about that in an article.  I think that would be interesting. 

Okay, time to get ready for bed.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Pedro

I saw Pedro today.  Pedro is the super in the building where Charro's old office was.  I used to talk to Pedro every Friday morning when I went to see Charro.  I haven't seen him in a year and a half.  I didn't think he'd know who I was.  I walked down the street and I saw him.  He was talking to someone, but I waved.  He saw me and got all excited, stuck out his hand and pulled me in to give me a kiss.  I love Pedro.  He's the cutest man.  I can't wait to tell Charro that I saw him.  He said, "You're back."  I said, "I'm still around."  He told me to come by and see him.  I told him that I made him cookies one time but couldn't him so I left.  He told me that I could leave them in the window.  I love Pedro!! :)

Back in the box

The cats and I are back in my apartment.  I feel like they are sad to be here because they're confined to one room as opposed to an entire house.  They seem okay though, both slept on my bed with me, like they usually do. 

My schedule gets back to normal on Monday.  Charro returns and I'm not quite sure what's going to happen with all of that.  I'm not sure how to approach the whole situation either, so I'll have to figure that out.

I'm going to buy mass amounts of fruit from my favorite fruit man.  Yum!

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

End of the relaxation days

I'm heading back to NY with my cats tomorrow.  I don't want to go back because it's been way too nice laying in my pool all week.  The weather has been beautiful and I am spoiled.  I have plans with friends on Friday.  Saturday and Sunday I have nothing going on, but that's okay.  Monday, Charro is back.  I look forward to seeing her.  I started missing her this week.  I'm glad I've had no serious issues while she was gone.

I am playing field hockey tonight.  Let's hope I can manage to NOT hit myself in the leg with my stick...or any other part of my body for that matter.  Charro is definitely going to tell me that I've turned a corner.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Just relaxing

I've done a whole lot of nothing the past few days and it's been great, though it does get a little boring floating on a raft in the pool all day. :) 

I've been seeing some old friends since I've been home.  I'm heading into the office now, hopefully my boss will not be there.  I'm meeting a friend later and then have a date.  I need to pick up some cat supplies.

I'm eating blueberries but they're not very tasty.  Maybe I'll make a blueberry buckle out of them. 

Okay, I need to go to the office so I can come home and float some more.  At least I haven't gotten anymore comments about my body or food intake.

Sunday, July 03, 2011

Any chance?

Ya think there's any chance that Charro will forget that I "lost weight" and am supposed to gain a million pounds when she gets back??  Part of me thinks that maybe she'll have forgotten about our last sesh and me being weighed.  I mean, she'll be jet lagged, having just spent 2 weeks in Italy.  Maybe she will have forgotten.  Any chance??  I'm really hoping she won't remember what I weighed during our last sesh and that she won't remember any of our last sesh.  Maybe I can have a clean slate and she will have gotten amnesia or something.  I'm dreaming, aren't I?  I'm still hopeful though.

What, is Kruger actually personable?

It is pouring, thundering and lightening out.  I may have to take a cab to the gym, now that sucks.  I have my suitcase and I can't really drag that down the street, 20 blocks in the pouring rain.  That wouldn't work so well.  I could take the bus, but then I'd have to stand outside in the rain, so that wouldn't work either.  Maybe I'll get lucky and it will stop in an hour, but since I saw the radar, I don't think that will be the case.

I had a dream that I went to see Charro, and she was just back from vacation.  Our sesh was at her old office and when I got there and walked in, it was all different.  First of all, I couldn't remember the number to buzz to get in the door, luckily someone was coming out so I walked in, but then I thought, she's not going to know I'm here because I didn't buzz her, so I buzzed the number I thought she was.  Anyway, I walked into the lobby and it was weird.  The furniture was different and kind of just plopped in places.  There was a blue recliner that was just sitting in the middle of the room with an ironing board next to it.  It all looked very disorganized, plus there were a few old people milling around. 

Charro came out to get me and said, "Let's go outside."  I was confused and then I said "okay" and followed her.  We started walking down the street and then stepped into what looked like a little outdoor shop (like the hat/t-shirt shops you'd see in Chinatown and stuff), and Kruger was in there.  It was her office and she was sitting there working on her computer.  They both wanted to discuss the office with me and what I thought of it.  I gave them my honest opinion.  I remember thinking how Kruger seemed different, like actually like-able.  I thought, I may actually like Kruger.  She may actually have a personality.  I was shocked that she seemed like a real person.  We continued to discuss the office and then Kruger's screen saver came on and it showed pictures of her cats.  They were orange and white and really fluffy.  Then I woke up.  I wonder what Charro is going to think of these two dreams I've had in the past few days.  Charro and I have both concluded that Kruger had some sort of an impact on me, since I think about her sometimes.  I think it's Kruger PSTD.  LOL!

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Same thoughts, different day

I just listened to my last sesh with Charro and I'm fully convinced that she is going to fire me.  I will be sad.  I've said this a million times before.  I don't want to get fired but I'm not willing to do what she says I have to do in order to "stay in treatment" with her.  I REALLY (in all honesty) do not understand why I need to be "103 or above."  Actually, she now doesn't want me to focus on being 103 she wants me to be higher than that.  Seriously, that doesn't make it better for me to stop focusing on a number.  Ugh!  Bottom line is that I'm not going to force food down my throat in order to reach a certain number.  I know I've said this before but I have to say it again because it's on my mind.  I don't know why she needs me to be a stupid number.  She adamant about it and is not going to let me be anything less than that.  Sure, she'll refer me to someone else and a more comprehensive approach, but I'm not going to go down that road.  It's not necessary.  I guess I just feel really strongly about this and also feel really strongly about not wanting to get fired, which is probably why I keep writing about it.  It should be really interesting when she gets back in a week and we see each other.  I'm going to try and convince her to change WIW to WIF because I go home after our appointment on WIW and I don't want to deal with all of that.

I'm going to clean now.

I think I ate too many veggies today because my stomach is killing me.  Bending over feels the best for me.  Maybe it was the tofu.  I usually don't eat tofu.  I had everything out to make dinner but that is not happening now.

People who blow snot rockets really gross me out.  There is no need for the disgusting behavior.

Saturday, in the park...

I wish it was the Fourth of July.  I wonder who sings that song.

The bruise on my knee from my self-inflicted field hockey wound, is quite nice.  I'm still not quite sure how I managed to hit my knee while trying to hit the ball in the position I was in.  Whatevs.

I've been having a ton of dreams lately.  I'm not sure what that's about, but I love dreaming so that's good.  I had one the other night and I was walking with Justin Beiber (wasn't thrilled about that) and it started raining.  He told me to get my umbrella out and I said, "What's the matter, you don't want to mess up your 700 dollar haircut?!  I'm not holding an umbrella for you.  You can get wet."  Stupid Beibs.

I don't know what I'm going to do today?  I think I'll go blading and lay out.  I have to pack and stuff too, but I don't want to do stupid apartment stuff.

Charro returns in a week.  I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I'm fully prepared to get fired.  Maybe that's what needs to happen, since I'm not going to get to 103.  Let's face it, I'm not going to force more food than I need into my body just to be a certain number for her.  Who's to say I'm supposed to weigh that?  We don't know, and what's 3-5 pounds anyway?  So, I don't know what will happen. 

The Village was filled with interesting people, as usual.  My friend and I were not wearing proper shoes so our walking was cut short.  We both wanted to rip our shoes off.  I should have just worn flip flips, as I had planned.  Oh well.

Maybe I'll go empty my dishwasher now.  I got new plates from the people I babsysit for.  I have no idea where I'm going to put all of them because I definitely don't have the room.

Friday, July 01, 2011

Village people

I'm heading to The Village tonight.  I need to get out.  This will be fun.  I don't venture to The Village that much to just hang out so I hope I get to see some interesting people.  Maybe I'll meet my husband.  Most likely, I will not meet my husband.

My ear is itchy.

I just made a veggie/tofu stirfry and now I want to vomit.  I made it a little too spicy.  I had ice cream before dinner because that's what I wanted so I didn't eat much dinner.  Oh well, it happens.  I prefer to eat what I'm craving and go from there.

My ear is still itchy.

I could fall asleep right now.  My day in the park was nice.  It killed most of my afternoon, which was great.  Then I went to CVS to pick up my prescription.  Woo, fun outing.

I'm going to wear something snazzy tonight.  I have the perfect shirt.  Yay, I haven't worn it yet so it's about time to whip it out.  Now I just need to figure out where we're going.

Time to get dressed!

So bored already

I've been bored since I woke up.  It's just one of those days I guess.  I may go rollerblading in the park.  I have to go to CVS.  I'm skipping the gym.  I can't make myself go there today.  Oh, I am calling my friend Beaches, maybe she's around.  Okay, she is.  So much for not working out today, I'm meeting her for a run in a few hours.  I don't even want to run, never mind run 6 miles, but I have nothing else to do so I will go.  I guess I could do some work.  No one will be around though because it's a holiday weekend.  I'll go rollerblading tomorrow.  It will be nice because no one will be in the city so the park will be sort of empty and easier to get around.

Wow, I am boring myself writing this.  I guess I could unpack my suitcase.