Saturday, April 30, 2011

A thrilling Saturday night

I really need to clean my apartment but I don't feel like it.  I just have crap that I need to put away.  Some of it's not my crap, so that's okay.  I have 2 bikes and some boxes in here that belong to my friend because she needed to get them out of her apartment for the open houses that she is having.  So, I guess my apartment really isn't as messy as I perceive it to be.  I love vacuuming it, so I vacuum all of the time.

Okay, I REALLY hope the doctor can fix my hip on Tuesday.  I'm going on three weeks of this nonsense and it hurts.  If I rotate my left knee or bend it like I'm sitting Indian style, it sends a shooting pain all the way up my leg to my back.  I know that as soon as I get fixed and my pelvis is in the correct position, I will feel 100 percent.  It's instant relief and it's amazing.  Maybe I need to find a P.T. that can do this for me.  I'll wait until Tuesday and hope to God that this doc will do something for me.

On a technical note, none of my passwords and usernames are being saved for some reason and I have to keep logging onto everything all of the time.  It's highly annoying and I've looked at my settings, but I can't seem to find anything that's not correct.  Any ideas?

Confessions on a Saturday night:

I'm watching Willy Wonka.  I had a protein shake for dinner, but since I had lunch at 4 PM, it makes it all okay. :)  I'm going to play my guitar...and not too well. 

Maybe if I play my Wii Active thingy my hip will pop into place??  Okay, a girl can dream.  I'm bored.

I'm supposed to come up with my "therapy goals" and bring them to Charro.  Hmm...

Friday, April 29, 2011

Charro and blogging

I was discussing blogging with Charro today, and trying to explain to her how it all works.  Anyway, I was talking about what I talk about on here and I told her that I was writing about the whole "getting fired" situation and she goes, "You talked about that?  You know I never used the word 'fire.'  Do people think I look like Charo from the Love Boat?  They probably think my name is Charro and I wear sequence all the time."  I said, "Well, I don't want to write your real name.  Would you want me to?"  She said, "I don't care."  I said, "I can post a picture of you on there too so people know you don't look like Charo."  She said she wouldn't care if I put a picture of her up here either.  How bizarre.  I thought she'd totally care.  I'm respecting her privacy by not using her real name.  I still can't believe she wouldn't care if I posted her picture on my blog.  I told her I was going to bring in my camera and take her picture.  Ha! 

My cats need to go eat dinner.  Oh, I should probably do that too, but I don't really feel like it so who knows how that will turn out.  I can't wait to go to sleep tonight.  I'm beat.

I was afraid she was going to do a surprise weigh in.  Thankfully that did not happen.  I have to pick up lunch for us on Monday.  Two slices of pizza for each of us and it comes with a drink.  She said that I need to get a drink and I told her that I'd get water for us and she didn't like that idea.  She said I needed to challenge myself and drink a drink.  I told her that I didn't want to.  Basically we decided on no beverages but since I'm in charge of picking up this lovely lunch special, I'm getting us water!

This guy, who I have yet to meet, just texted me to see if I am in the city and want to meet up.  He does this all the time and it's really annoying.  If you want to go out with me, CALL me in advance and MAKE A DATE!!!  Do not text me and do it last minute.  NOT COOL!  Why can't guys get this!?  Stupid.  I'm not texting him back.  I hate texting anyway!

Thursday, April 28, 2011


Maybe I should be in Cirque de Solei.  I think I spelled that wrong but I don't care.  Last night I tried to fix my hips myself by getting into all of these crazy positions.  I think if there was a video camera in my apartment and this was caught on tape I would have been committed or arrested, I'm not quite sure.  I was just maneuvering my body in any possibly way to try and make my hip pop back to where it's supposed to be.  I'm not quite sure where that is, but I will know it when I feel it...or stop feeling it in my back.  Hopefully the doctor can help me on Tuesday.

I have a STINK BUG!!  It's on my screen and I sprayed it with soap and water.  "They" say that kills them.  I thought I killed it but it just moved. 

I think I've gotten over my mental incapacity to decide whether or not to drive cross country with my friend.  I think I'm just freaked out by the fact that I won't see Charro for over a month, but let's be honest, I'm not going to freak out and die or anything.  It's a once and a lifetime opportunity (okay, maybe no), but I will get to see the country and go to L.A.  I've never been there before.  I need to just do it, right???  I'll run along the car for a few miles every day to get my exercise.

We're going to get some bad storms soon.

Oh, I had a dream that I weighed myself on this digital scale and Charro was near me and I tried to cover up the number but she saw it.  It said I weighed 96.2 lbs and she saw that and got mad.  I told her that I don't really weigh that and that it's a different scale so it doesn't count.  I don't think she bought that.  She wasn't supposed to see the number, but I got caught. 

There is no need to try and analyze that dream because I know exactly what it's about.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hips...not what you think

My back has been whacked out for the past two weeks.  I had the athletic trainer at school check out my hips today to see if they were even.  My right one is a half inch higher in the back.  I knew it was messed up because I can feel it in my back and down my legs.  It's so uncomfortable and tight and hurts when I walk a little bit.  My hips have been going out of place for a good 12 years and it sucks.  It doesn't happen all of the time, but when it gets stuck here it is not comfortable.  It's definitely not all that painful, just really uncomfortable.  I need someone to fix me, please.  The trainers at my old high school use to fix them for me all of the time.  I'm going home on Tuesday so I may have to pay a visit up to the high school.  I'm also seeing an orthopedic doctor on Tuesday so maybe he can check it out.  I'm going to him for something unrelated.  I need new orthodics.  Yay, they'll cast my foot.  I love that feeling.

After a week off, my friend and I successfully administered fluids to my cat.  I got smaller needles so it takes longer for the fluids to go in, which sucks, but I think it hurts him less.  I feel AWFUL doing this to him but it's hopefully going to make him better, though I don't really think that will happen.  His paws got all sweaty, which happens when they get nervous.  It makes me so sad. :(

I'm hungry but I just feel like going to bed so I don't think I'll eat anything.  I have nothing here that's worth eating anyway.  Well, maybe I'll have a few pieces of pineapple, though it's not a great one.  I should have let it ripen longer.

Okay, bet time.  I'm going to try and pop my hip in myself.  I was able to do it once or twice.  I'm not too optimistic about this though. 

I'm obsessed with this song and I don't know why, The Band Perry "If I Die Young."

Those jeans, WIW #11

I've been wearing these jeans for the many of my weigh-ins.  I've worn them for the past three weeks in a row.  Charro said, "Let's go" (get on the scale) and then said, "Could you not wear those jeans next week.  You've worn them for the past three weeks."  I just laughed because I know why I wear them, and I'm sure she does too.  She said, "You like the stud factor, don't you?"  I said yes.  She asked if I could wear a dress next week.  I said no.

I also looked while she was weighing me, which did not make her happy.  I said I wanted to know what the scale says and not what she says I weigh when she subtracts everything.  She said that that was my "eating disorder talking."  I told her that I don't want to do this anymore and I don't want to eat.  I'm sick of it.  I told her that my face is getting fat.

Charro's going away a lot in the next two months and I am going away a lot too, and all of that freaks me out.  We're both going away for extended periods of time too.  So I will most likely only see her 2-3 times in June, which sucks.

I'm in a funky mood today and I'm not quite sure why.  I don't even feel like going to the gym and I should totally go.  I wish I had my rollerblades here because I'd go blading in the park.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

WIW #11

I was nervous about making weight tomorrow, but then I realized that it won't be hot enough out for me to not wear my heavy jeans, so I will wear them.  I've worn them three weeks in a row.  Do you think she'll notice?  I just ate a ton of food too so maybe I won't have to screw with things too much.  I hate this stupid WIW business.  It sucks.  It will suck more when I can't wear my jeans and all of this catches up with me.  All my fault and I'm fully aware of that, so I will be sort of prepared.

I hate eating and don't want to eat anymore.  I can tell my face got fatter.  I'm so over it.  No more food for me please.  I need to remember to tell Charro this tomorrow.  I'm sick of eating and getting fat and I don't want anything to do with it.


It's going to be 80 degrees today!  I am SOOOOO HAPPY!!  Seriously, we've had NO Spring and it finally popped out on Easter Sunday. 

Agenda for the day:  Run in the Park, work, maybe lay out, play softball.

I'm really excited to play softball tonight.  I haven't played in years but some guy called me yesterday to see if I'd be interested in playing on his company team.  I said yes.  I don't know how often I'll be able to play, but tonight I'm free so I will be there.  Yay!  I'm so excited.

I had another crazy dream last night.  I dreamt that my family (parents and bro and sis) came in for a sesh with Charro.  I was not expecting them to come and was not comfortable with it at all.  We all sat there and I didn't really say anything the entire time.  I'm not sure what was being discussed, but I know none of it was ED stuff.  I remember my parents, especially my dad, getting annoyed with Charro because she kept getting up to do things.  One time she got up to go feed her cat.  I got annoyed with her too, but I wanted to make sure that my parents knew that this did not happen all of the time.

I ran out of Fiber One.  I need to get some more.  I hate having to buy cereal in NYC.  It's so freaking expensive.  It's $3 more here than it is at home.  Really, what is that about??  Stupid NY prices.  I hate it.

Monday, April 25, 2011

No pizza today

Charro and my pizza date was postponed until next Monday.  That was a good thing.  She couldn't pick it up and neither could I.  I actually got to my sesh late because the stupid train wasn't running so I ran 13 blocks to get to another train and got on that one.  I was dripping sweat.  I got to Charro's two minutes late.

The good news is that she WILL take me back if I get fired.  :)  When I asked her if she that question she got all serious and said yes.  I guess I just wasn't expecting the reaction I got from her.  It was a good reaction, don't get me wrong, but the way she said it just took me by surprise.

I want nothing more than to rip out my contacts right now but I have to go out in an hour.  I could wear my glasses but I hate wearing my glasses.  I'm taking part in a chocolate focus group tonight.  In return I get $50 worth of dark chocolate.  Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I wish it was milk chocolate.  Maybe I'll like it anyway.

Charro said if I stay at 103, she will stop weighing me in June.  Hmm, how the hell am I going to do that, though it's totally a good incentive.  She said how I would have to be honest with her and promise her that I wouldn't lose weight and tell her if I did.  I said, "Wouldn't you notice?"  She said that she wouldn't and then I asked her how she knew that I had lost weigh this time and she said it was because I had mentioned a few times that I had gone below 100.  Whoops.  Note to self, do not mention my weight if it is not brought up! :)

I really want to walk to this group tonight but it's way too far to do by myself.  I would be so bored.  It's so nice out though, which is why I want to walk. 

I told Charro, because she asked, that I weighed myself this weekend.  I sort of lied about my weight though.  Whoops.  I'm a bad person, this I know. 

The train conductor told me today that I "didn't have to be so nice."  I thought that was interesting.  I wasn't being overly friendly, just being myself.  I must have said, "Hi, how are you?" and then I thanked him for taking my ticket.  Oh well.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Today's menu

Mexican dip
Sushi rolls (Not homemade and new and different for Easter)
Fettuccine with meat and peas
Broccoli casserole
Sweet Potatoes
Scalloped Potatoes
Honey Baked Ham
Garlic Bread
Ricotta Cream Pies

All were homemade except for the chips and sushi.  I don't need to eat for about 11 days.  Unfortunately I have to eat lunch with Charro tomorrow.  I seriously gained 5 pounds today.  If only I was getting weighed tomorrow and not Wednesday.  I'd be good to go. 

It's so bed time now!

Happy Easter, crazy dream

Happy Easter.  It's not raining, so that's a plus.  I'm about to head to the gym.  I guess my parents went to church because they're not here.

I had another crazy dream last night, shocking, I know!  I had a dream I was in my house, at least I think it was my house and I was being forced to eat so much food by Charro and this nutritionist.  Maybe it wasn't my house.  Charro was also trying to steal my heart rate monitor.  She was chasing me around and trying to grab it from me.  I kept running from her and hiding it.  I wouldn't let her have it.  Then I was just laying on the floor in the hall, possibly crying, because I didn't want to eat all of the food they were trying to get me to eat.  I just couldn't do it. 

I remember that the nutritionist was small, young, and had dark hair in a pony tail.  She was nice but I just couldn't do what both of them wanted me to do. 

I'm sure I had this dream because I'm going to have to face all of this food today.  There is always so much food here on holidays.  I was also so full from dinner last night, so maybe that had something to do with it.

Ew, I just took my medicine (I have some packets that my doctor gave me) and they smelled like skunk.  EW!

Time to get dressed.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Home for Easter

I worked out this morning and then hopped on the train to come home.  My feet were soaked and wet and then the train cars all leak so I got dripped on.  Love it.

I had to eat when I got home because my parents basically shove food down my throat.  If I don't eat they say something.  If I don't eat enough, they say something.  Let's hope they won't say anything to me about my food intake, my weight, or Charro.  It's always sort of like walking on glass, but not that bad.  I always fear silence because I'm afraid they'll take that opportunity to bring something up.  I think they fear bringing it up, so maybe it all works out.

We're going to have WAY TOO MUCH food tomorrow, as usual.  That's how it is on the holidays for us.  Hopefully I'll have lots of leftovers to bring home so I don't have to cook all week.  Oh yeah, Charro and I are having pizza for lunch on Monday.  I failed to mention that one.  I wonder how many pieces she's going to make me eat.  I'll probably be starving, but I'll be nervous to eat with her so that will override my hunger.  So when I could eat 3 pieces I'll be full after one.  Oh well.  It should be interesting.

Friday, April 22, 2011

I passed

I passed...just barely.  She said, "You made it."  I said, "You're not going to tell me what I weigh, are you?"  She said no and that it doesn't matter.  I said, "What if I weigh 200 pounds?"  I know I don't but I really want to know what I weighed on her scale because I know what I weighed on mine with all of my crap on.  She finally told me that I'm "barely there."  I'm "teetoring."  Of course I still have to go through this every Wednesday.  I don't know how I'm going to do that, especially when the weather gets warm and I'm in shorts and a t-shirt.  This is all too stressful and the only real way to avoid all of this would be to actually gain the weight.  Ew.

I really wanted to throw before she weighed me, I was so nervous.  Now onto dealing with my family on Easter, all the food, and the possible comments.  I'm not worried about the food, just the comments.

Now onto my kitty issues.  I tried two days in a row to give him is IV and he is fighting it like crazy.  I'm giving it one more shot today and I can't do it, then I'm done.  I can NOT put him through this anymore.  It kills me to see him struggle and fight the needle.  I can't put him through that.  I need to call the vet to see what happens if I stop giving him the IV.

My other cat is playing with her plastic top like crazy at night.  I have to make her stop because I'm sure the people below me love hearing that being batted around on the hard wood floor in the middle of the night.  She carries it around in her mouth, drops it, bats it around, carries it, meows with it in there, drops it, bats it around, brings it up to my bed so I can throw it but I'm sleeping so I can't throw it.  She's cute.


I am so not looking forward to this sesh with Charro.  Ugh, I do not want to be weighed!!  I had dreams about it all night last night and then I woke up at 4:30 AM. 
I'm drinking tea right now. 
This is going to suck!
I'm going to get fired, if not today, eventually.
This sucks!
I'm kind of nervous.
Maybe I shouldn't drink this tea.  I might vomit.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


Thinks I'm 55 or older and that my name is Janice.  Neither are true. 

WIF #10 D-day take 2

I had my phone sesh with Charro.  I'm still convinced that I'm going to get fired tomorrow.  I'm not looking forward to this weigh-in.  WIF!  I would have been okay if I got weighed on Wednesday, I think, but I don't know about tomorrow.  I do have "butt baggage" though. (love handles above my ass).  That's not a good thing.  If I went to the airport they'd charge me for extra baggage.

I haven't eaten enough today but that's because I had two drop in guests.  I have no idea what to have for dinner either.  Yuck.  I need to figure something out.

I told Charro that I'll probably wake up at 3 AM because I'll be nervous about WIF.  I told her we should just do phone sesh's from now on on Wed. and Fri.  She didn't like that.

I'm sleepy and I was going to make something for my friend next door but I can't find her matza.  I guess I could go to the store and get some. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

That was nice

Charro emailed me after she emailed me to cancel to see if I wanted to do a phone sesh tomorrow.  She said, "I want to make sure you have lots of support."  I thought that was really nice and it kind of surprised me.  She wants to support me now, but who's going to support me when she fires me?  Now that's the big question!!  I wish I didn't just think of that because I would have emailed her back with that response.

My lower back has been killing me for 4 days.  It is so freaking tight and it kills.  It's now effecting my left IT Band.  (knee area).  I think it's from standing outside in the freezing weather on Friday and Saturday.  Standing for 2 hours today didn't help it either.  Walking is so much better than just standing.  Maybe my hips are out of whack and I need someone to pull my leg.  I'll have my friend check to see if they're even.  I can't take it much longer.

Good news, Idol is only 90 minutes tonight.  I have to wake up at 5:30 AM and can't wait to go to bed.  I have to teach 2 classes tomorrow.  I don't mind that, it's the walk there and back that's annoying, 4 miles total.  Hopefully the weather will be nice.  Oh, the waking up kind of sucks too...and having to go back there at night.  Oh well, it's all good.

My lucky day

Charro canceled our sesh this morning because she has a migraine.  :)  I'm not happy that she has a migraine, but I'm happy I don't have to go get weighed.  I would have made it today though.  I had everything all worked out.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Tomorrow should be fun.  I think I'll test out my outfit before I go to bed. 
I just drank two big mugs of tea so I'll have to get up to pee 12 times tonight.
The End.

WIW #10, D-Day

Tomorrow is D-Day.  If I'm not 103 then I'm gone.  I'm sure I'll wake up around 5 AM tomorrow, which actually might be a good thing because that will give me more time to load my stomach up with food and stuff.  This isn't going to be fun and it isn't going to be possible.  I weighed myself at my house this morning on "Bertha" and I was 97 lbs.  That's a far cry from 103.  This scale is always lower than the one in my apartment, plus I'll have clothes on so we shall see how this all unfolds.  Let's face it, come summer, when she's still weighing me, there's not way that I'll be able to "maintain" this.  I've been eating a ton more and haven't really gained any weight. 

So tomorrow might be the end.  Who knows what happens after that.  Nothing I guess.  I save some money and have more free time on my hands.  That seems to be the way it's going to go.

I put on a dress this morning and my mom said, "I love that dress.  You've lost weight since you bought it."  Ugh, really??  Did she just say that?  I said, "Yeah, it's like 10 years old."  So annoying.  Wait until I tell Charro that one.  She's going to say, "You really need to talk to them."

That's it for now.

Monday, April 18, 2011


I'm fully prepared to get fired from Charro on Wednesday.  I just told her that too.  She thinks I'll be fine.  She said I was "almost there" on Friday.  I am so wearing the same jeans I wore on Friday, I'll tell ya that much.

Ha, I may also get fired from my coaching job today, but I doubt it.  There's a bit to-do with the 8th grade parents but I know that my assistant coach and I were right in what we did so I'm not worried about it really.  I'm anxious to see what this letter (the parents wrote a letter to the school) says, but I know the athletic director is behind me...or at least she was the other day.  Oh well.  If I get fired, I get fired.  It is what it is.  I can pursue other things if that's the case.  I know I was just pretty vague on what happened but it would take too long to explain.  Basically these girls chose to play in another game on another team that their on over coming to our game on time. Therefore we didn't play them.  Not the filthy rich, we get everything we want parents are pissed.  Good!

Back to Charro.  I don't want to get fired but I'm prepared.  I'll be sad and pissed, that's for sure and I'm not sure what would happen next.  I told her I'd get worse if she fired me but she said that that's my choice.  Well, if I'm really sad and angry I have no appetite so that's not really my choice.  I guess we'll just wait and see what happens.  I told her I'm going to make a pan of brownies and eat them all tomorrow night and then do it again before I go on Wednesday.  She didn't think that was a good idea.  I also asked her if I could do phone sesh's with her on Weds and Fridays instead of coming in and she said that that wouldn't be ideal. (She only has a scale in the office we're in on those days and not in the Monday office.  See where I'm going with that?).  I'm being sneaking and evil.  I wouldn't really just do phone sesh's with her.  I do want to stop being weighed though.

I told her that I'm DONE writing down my food logs.  She asked me if it helped and I said "no."  Maybe it does make me eat meals, but who's to say I couldn't just lie about that and write things down anyway, so maybe it helped a little but who knows.  It was annoying and I told her that I don't like to do things that annoy me.  I told her that I like when I go see her when I'm in a pissy mood too and she said that she does too.

I guess I have to get ready for this meeting I have.  This should be interesting.  I won't cry like all the 8th graders did.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Cooked and refrigerated

I made dinner but I didn't really want it, so I took a couple of bites and put it back.  Maybe I can just do phone sesh's with Charro on Wednesdays and Fridays so I never have to get weighed.  That sounds like a great idea to me.  I'm going to run that by her tomorrow and see what she says. 

We just had more thunder and lightening.  Weird, since I was just outside looking at the full moon rising.

I'm tired, which is good because I can go to bed soon.  Monday's are busy for me, which is fine, just a lot of running around from place to place, state to state. 

I really do not want to have WIW.  I don't think I'll sleep well Tuesday night.  I don't even care about trying to get to 103.  I'm over it.  I wait, I was never under it.  Well, literally under it, but not figuratively speaking.  I've always wanted to say "I'm under that."  Why not?  If we're "over" something, why can't we be "under" it?? 

My cat is meowing in the bathroom because she wants a drink.  She likes the baby food I put on their can food but doesn't eat the can food.  Ugh, they hate this new prescription food that costs 8 million dollars.  They sniff and walk always.  Why am I wasting my money on this food?!

Time to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. 

The girls would scream

I saw Robert Pattinson the other day.  I don't even know if I spelled his name right because I didn't know who he was until recently.  All the teenage girls would die if they knew I saw him.  He was shooting a movie.  Well, I'm not 100% positive that it was him, but I'm pretty sure.

I just downloaded the new version of AOL.  I don't like it.

I am SO sick of writing down everything I eat.  I'm done with that tomorrow.  I'm telling Charro I'm not doing it anymore.  It's annoying and I don't like it.  I don't like to do things that annoy me. :)

It's sunny out today, but not warm.  Oh wait, it's 53 already, that's not too bad, but I think it's windy.  Yep, I see trees blowing.

I desperately need to take a shower, but that will have to wait until after my workout.  In an effort to save water, I'm going to start showering outside when it's raining. :)  Can you imagine.  I would laugh if I saw someone doing that.

I told Charro I'm going to make a pan of brownies and eat the entire thing before I get weighed on Wednesday.  She didn't like that plan.  I'm so over all of this and don't even care anymore.  I don't care if I don't hit 103.  I'm done with it.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Defrosting myself

I've finally thawed out from FREEZING my buns off at our game today.  I had on leggings, sweatpants, heavy socks, my Merrell warm boots, long underwear shirt, long sleeve shirt, hooded sweatshirt, huge down sleeping bag jacket, awesome mittens, and a huge winter hat.  It was awful out there.  We also got killed and then confronted by some disgruntled parents.  My assistant coach and I expected to be bombarded by the parents of these few girls because we didn't play them because they went to a game their other (not school related) team.  The doots hit the fan.  It was all cool.  They all said (5 of them) that their girls are quitting the team.  Okay, they can quit, that's fine. They're clearly not committed so whatevs.

Charro's not going to be happy with my food last night.  The other coach and I went out and got burritos.  The burritos at this place are HUGE, literally like a foot long.  I had a lovely 3 bean veggie chili burrito sans cheese (whoops) and ate less than 1/3 of it.  I was full from the chips and salsa, which I actually did eat.  I felt as though I was going to give birth to a small child, or vomit, the rest of the evening.  Not a great feeling.  I had some more of it for lunch and still have half of it left.  Now that's a lot of burrito.

Charro's very enthusiastic that I will not get fired.  I tend to disagree.  I know she doesn't really want to fire me, but she will.  Wednesday should be an interesting day.  I'm going to wear the same jeans I wore yesterday for WIW, that's for shizzle.  I may have to swallow a boulder before I go too, but that's okay, digestion shouldn't be an issue there. ;)

I think I need to take a nap.  It's so dark and rainy out right now.  I'm so glad I have NO plans all day.

Friday, April 15, 2011

WIF and bad mood

I'm still in a bad mood.  I didn't want to see Charro this morning and she could tell.  She said, "You look thrilled to be here this morning."  I told her that I didn't want to be there at all.  I said, "How do you expect me to gain weight when I shit out every piece of food?"  Then I said, "I don't think it's normal for people to go to the bathroom 4 times in one day."  She was like, "Oh, you do?"  No, I'm making it up.  She still doesn't get that I can't gain weight if shit everything out.  Hello people, I've already gone 3 times today and it's not even 12:30!  I told her she was being "all or nothing" with this weight thing and she didn't get it, but she said I was being "all or nothing" with my thinking. Okay, how is it different?  It's not!  Clearly, I'm still pissed.

She's very convinced that I'll be 103 by Wednesday, but I'm not so sure.  I'm going to wear the same pants I wore today, that's for sure.  I need some more quarters to put in my pocket!  Ugh, I'm just pissed.

She was very happy with my eating and kept saying that I'm doing well, blah blah and I can't discount that.  She goes, "Can you be happy with that and see what you've done so far?"  I said, "NO! Because it doesn't matter.  None of it matters because you're still going to fire me." 

I have so much more to write but I have to get ready to go and make lunch and then my friend is staying here tonight so I don't think I'll get to write tonight.  I need to listen to my sesh to see what else went down.

Ok, that's all.  Maybe I need to (I have no idea what I was going to say). 

Oh yeah, I told her that I don't think she understands.  She said she does.  Whatevs!

Oh yeah, my weight was back up today. 

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Definitely pissed off

Let's face it, I'm pissed off.  I don't want to see Charro tomorrow, but I'm going to go and either sit there and say nothing or be pissed off and let her know how pissed off I am.  I have things in my head that I'd like to say but who knows if I'll say them.  I'm sure she'll weigh my at the beginning so we can discuss the "exit plan."  F the exit plan.  I want to tell her that I don't want to be there and that there's no point in me being there because she's just going to fire me anyway.  What's the point of even trying anymore because I accomplished a bit of what she wanted but not all of it so now she's just going to let me go.  Doesn't that fall into the "all or nothing" category?  I sure as hell think so.  Whatever.  I also plan on telling her that I don't think I can physically gain weight since I shit out every meal I eat.  Seriously, I shit like 3 times a day and they're not little terds.  (TMI, I know).  How is it possible that I've been working out less and eating more over the past 6-8 months and managed to lose weight?  I'd like her to explain that one to me.  Part of me wishes I could just go there right now and tell her all of this.  I'm definitely going to have a pissy attitude about it all.  I don't give a shit.  It is what is is.  I think I'm too pissed off to get a good night's sleep tonight.  I'm pretty sure of it.  All I want to say is F'ers!!!  All. Day. Long.

Not feelin' it

I don't feel like going to see Charro tomorrow.  It seems quite pointless.  It seems pointless to even try anything at this point.  Why bother is pretty much my attitude at this point.  I don't really even have anything to say here or there.  I honestly don't think I can gain weight, physically, with UC.  I don't really care about anything right now.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Hitting the pissed stage

Maybe I should just cancel my appointment with Charro for Friday.  There's really no point in going.  I have nothing to say.  I don't want to talk about anything.  I just hit the "I'm pissed off at her" stage, which she says is perfectly fine.  I know that I shouldn't be pissed off at her because it's my own doing, but then again, maybe I should be pissed off at her.  I've made progress but it wasn't enough progress so therefore she's just going to say "see ya."  That seems to be sending out the message of perfection to me.  I wasn't good enough to get to where she wanted me to be so therefore I'm done. 

I was supposed to have dessert tonight but I still feel so full from dinner that I can't eat anything.  I'm just going to go to bed.  I actually don't even care anymore.  There's no point in trying anymore so I'm just going to be this way. 

Without getting into detail, the ulcerative colitis does not help me maintain or gain weight.  She doesn't buy that one though.  I don't know how I'd make her believe me.  Maybe document my shits??  I don't know.

I need to go to bed.

I'm down (and not "with that")

Well, I don't really even know how to start this off...Next Wednesday will most likely be my last day with Charro.  She weighed my and I thought for sure I would make the weight but I "went down."  She said, "You went down, so if you're not up by Friday we have to talk about an exit plan.  If you are not up by Friday and if you don't get to 103 by next Wednesday, we have to talk about ending.  I'm totally serious."  She wants me to add a peanut butter, banana, milk shake to my "life everyday."  Effers!  I knew it would come to this eventually, I guess, but seriously, I have NO idea how I went down from last week.  WTF??  I mean, we ate that stupid muffin last week so I'm sure that made me weigh more temporarily.  UGH!!!  I can't eat everything she wants me to eat.  She wants me to have dessert every night too.  I could mentally eat it, but physically I can't.  This sucks a big fat hairy ass.

I'm going to the gym!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

No real food

I have absolutely NO desire to eat dinner tonight because I am not hungry.  I know I will get a little bit hungry in a bit, but I will want something sweet, like yogurt or cereal and that will be a totally unacceptable dinner according to Charro.  Well, I don't want real food so that might be what it is.  I could have a protein shake, but that would go over even worse, I think.  Unless I have some veggies with it, which I don't want.  Maybe I'll just have cereal.  If it's okay for breakfast, why is it not okay for dinner??  I think it is.  I just don't want real food.

WIW #9..."The big weigh in"

Right now I feel like I might vomit, though I won't.  I just housed down a Houston's veggie burger...the best thing in the world.  I'm so full I'm going to die.  Maybe it made me temporarily gain 5 pounds for my weigh in tomorrow.

I'm sore and tired too.  I am either sore from playing field hockey on Sunday, or from my 3.5 mile sprint to Charro's office yesterday...or possibly a little bit of both.  I had to teach early this morning.  The sunrise was beautiful coming up over the horizon.  I get an awesome view from my gym.  Then I had to go somewhere for work, so I took a train ride there and back.  Then I came home and showered and walked to meet my friend for lunch and I just walked back.  I wasn't going to walk but it stopped raining so I did.  It's only a little over a mile so why not walk it? 

My apartment is a disaster.  I need to clean it so badly, but right now I just have to sit.  It's not dirty, just messy.  I have my friend's 2 bikes and a box of stuff in here too because they realtor is coming to take pictures of her apartment.  :(  Sad, sad! :(

So tomorrow is the big weigh in.  I either have to be 103 tomorrow, and if I'm not, I have one more week to get there or I'm gone.  Too bad I couldn't go see the T I saw last year when I did that study.  I really liked her but she's not licensed yet.  Oh well.  Life will go on.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Sort of a thumbs up

I ran to my sesh with Charro today.  Actually, I booked it there.  I left my apartment at 11:35 and I got to Charro's by 12:03, I think.  I had to stop for people walking and for lights and stuff, but thank God for that.  I was hauling ass to get there on time.  I didn't get home until 11:30 so I changed quickly and left.  It was so nice out today!

Charro was pleased with my stupid food log.  Unfortunately I have to keep another one and give it to her on Friday.  I hope this doesn't become something I have to do all of the time because it's annoying.  She didn't like that I didn't have dinner on Friday night and that I was "grazing" yesterday.  Please, it's called SNACKING, NOT "grazing."  Her reaction was "WHAT happened here?  WHAT happened to dinner?"  I told her I wasn't hungry and she said, "I don't care if you're not hungry.  You have to eat dinner.  I'm serious.  I don't ever want to see this bullshit again."  I ate a huge dinner tonight, she's going to love that.  I did eat salad so who knows what will happen there.  I find that I can't really eat salad anymore these days unless I want to clean out my system. :)

I have to get up way too early to teach aerobics tomorrow, which I'm not thrilled about, but whatevs, it's money that I need so it's all good.

Charro said asked if I'm ready for "the big weigh in on Wednesday."  Um, NO!!  Not ready.  I need some quarters to put in my pockets. ;)

She called me a "little bird" and then said that I'm not a bird, I'm a human and I need to eat better.  She totally made fun of how big I described my sandwich to be too.  She always bust my chops.  She wanted to know what was up with the "couple bites of veggies."  I said, "No one liked them.  My mom didn't even like them and she threw them out."  It then became acceptable that I only had a couple of bites.

She said that my log was looking "so much better than that beeswax in my FFJ," but she said I need to have a bigger breakfast and not have cereal for breakfast everyday.  What??!!  I've been eating Fiber One sticks for 12 years people!

Charro totally said "Redic" today!!  LOVE IT. I say that all of the time.  I love that she starts saying everything that I say.  She calls all of my in laws by their inappropriate names I've named them, she called Kruger Kruger, and she's started using chapstick, and now she's saying "redic."  LOVE IT!!  I just heard it on the tape and I had to rewind it just to make sure I hear it correctly.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Down and dirty

I got to play hard core field hockey today and it was fantastic!  Too short of a game though. :(  I think I twisted the muscles in my back a little because when I turn to look over my shoulder when I'm driving, it is sore.  That's what I get for diving all over the turf and playing like I'm still 18.  Do I care.  No freaking way!!  I LOVE IT!  I love being all rough and tough.

So far no comments from my parents, thank God!

I'm tired and can't wait to sleep in my comfy bed.

Tomorrow I'm planning on running to my sesh with Charro.  I'm sure that will go over really well, but I don't have time to go to the gym.  Well, I could go if I want to get up really early, but I don't.  I'd rather run outside.  I don't mind running when I have a destination.  It's not even that far so I should work out on top of the run too.   Hmm, maybe I should go to the gym in the morning.  If I'm back by 8:30 AM I can go.  I'm re-thinking this now.

So, that's the story.

Home time

I'm going home today.  I'm going to see my parents for the first time in two months.  I love my parents to death, but I'm not all that excited about going home.  Without a doubt they will comment on my weight, and I'm not looking forward to that at all.  I'm also use to going home to an empty house, so now I'll have people to deal with. 

I need to go to Wal-Mart.

Saturday, April 09, 2011

I hate 'holes

I spent the day coaching lacrosse games.  Things were a bit crazy when we arrived because the girls needed all of these waivers signed, which I gave to them on the bus, but they needed parental signatures, which they obviously did not have.  So, we almost weren't allowed to play.  I spoke to each parent on the phone and signed the waivers.  I wouldn't have been able to get the waivers to the girls until yesterday, which I did not do because I thought we had signed them at the tournament last year.  My bad.  That was that.  Then the schedule I had had us on one field when we were supposed to be on another, so we were a few minutes late to our first game.  That's a little background info.

So, right before our second game a dad came up to us (the other coach and me) and introduced himself and was a prick.  He was telling us how we should have the girls warming up and stuff, blah blah and that we got to the game late because we were on the wrong field.  (I whipped out my schedule to show him what it said.  Touche!).  He went on and on.  I don't know how I stayed calm, but I might have copped a mini attitude.  I told him that we are going to warm up 10 minutes before the game because we don't have a lot of room and we don't want to tire the girls out because they're going to be here all day and are playing 4 games and we only have a few subs.  He tried to interrupt me but I kept going and I said, "Listen, I've been coaching for 7 years, I know what I'm doing."  Asshole fucker!!  The other coach stepped in too.  He put me in such a bad moon.  Oh yeah, and he made a comment about how one of my best players couldn't catch the ball and she heard it.  Not cool!!  Ass fucker!!  Clearly he pissed me off a bit.  Grrr!!

I hate writing down my food.  I can't wait until Charro sees it on Monday.  I wonder what she'll say. 

I might need a nap before I babysit.  I was out in the sun for 6 hours.  My face got some color.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Good up til dinner

My little writing down my food for the day thing was going great until I didn't have dinner.  I'm just not hungry.  I can't force myself to eat if I'm not hungry.  I know Charro would say otherwise, but I can't do it.  I kind of feel like I might puke if I eat dinner right now.  I woke up at 1:30 this morning and thought I was going to throw up, so I don't really know what's going on.  I know there's a stomach thing going around, and I know I don't have it, but my stomach feels weird.  Anyway, I ate well all day but she is NOT going to be thrilled about the lack of dinner.  She's going to say, "Why didn't you have dinner?  You need to eat regardless of your hunger level.  That's just not a reason, PTC."  Yep, she'll throw my name in there.  I hate that.  It makes everything much more serious. 

Maybe I should make a peanut butter sandwich to bring with me tomorrow.  I'll be outside from 8:30-3:30 for lax (lacrosse).  I wish I was playing and not coaching.  Playing is way better.

Two weeks left

My little cat is sitting on my stomach as I try to type this...her usual spot.  When I sit, she sits...right one me.  I think she likes the plushness of my stomach.

The deadline is on.  Charro said I have TWO WEEKS to get to 103 and if I don't, she can't see me anymore.  She said it and she meant it.  She said, "That will be 7 or 8 weeks and that's plenty of time to gain 5 pounds."  Little does she know, it's already been 8 weeks.  So I said, "Well how about if I don't get to the weight I'll go see a nutritionist?"  That might have worked.  She wants me to keep a food journal from now until Monday so she can see what the deal is because she said she still thinks I'm restricting.  She said that I need to eat meals.  I keep telling her that I can't gain weight because of my UC.  She's not buying that but I think it's partially (minimal amount) true.  Let's face it, it sort of does a good job at cleaning out my system.  She said I was 102 on Wednesday.  At first she said that if I'm not 103 by next Wednesday she'll give me until Friday, but then she gave me an extra week.  That's it, I'm done after that.  Let's hope it's not 80 degrees on WIW.

I totally just forgot what I was going to say.  I'll remember after I listen to my sesh.  Oh yeah, Charro gave me my notes today.  I love getting my notes and seeing what she has to say.  She always says, "Do you really want them?  They don't say anything because I want to keep your privacy and they say the same thing every month."  I'm like, "Yep, I want them please."  So, I got them.  It's been a year since I last asked for them, so now I'm caught up.  I have my notes from the past four years.

I can't feel my toe.  It's been numb since my feet froze off on Wednesday.  It's my broken toe, I think.  It's either that one or the one next to it, I can't tell. 

2 good "newsies"

It's going to be 80 degrees on Monday!!!!!!!  Seriously....FINALLY!!  It better stay sunny and warm for the next 9 months!!

Growing Pains Season 2 DVD release date, April 26th!

YAY!!  I want to go to the beach.  I don't have time to lay out on Monday, but Tuesday, bring out that oil baby!!

4 words = Roof!  Bikini!  Banana Boat!!

Thursday, April 07, 2011


I'm really not quite sure how I'm going to make weight (like I'm a wrestler) next WIW.  If I didn't hit it yesterday, there is no way I'll hit it next Wednesday.  I heard her move the bar and she moved it far, so I think she took off a couple of pounds. I know she went past 103 with that thing.  Maybe I'll talk to her about that tomorrow.  I know she did.  Let's be honest here, if I was not 103 yesterday after drinking an entire water bottle and eating that stupid huge muffin, then I won't be 103 next week.  I had many things in my favor yesterday to help me get to that weight on the scale and I don't know how I'll do that again next week.  It's impossible.  You'd think that she wouldn't fire me since she sees that the scale is going up, but she will.  She says that I HAVE TO be 103 to continue, but that means I have to be like 104 to 104.5 on that stupid scale.  I hate that thing.  It's supposed to be really nice out early next week, which means less clothes will be worn, which means I will weigh less.  She's soon going to see that I didn't gain a pound and then I'll be long gone.  I'm losing friend, Charro, the people I babysit for (though they're just moving a few blocks away so I guess that doesn't count.  It does mean I'll have to put on shoes to go babysit though).

I don't know what I'm going to do about anything...including my non-existent life.  I'm not fulfilled.  I'm not married with kids. I have no prospects.  At least I got rid of the stalker guy the other day, that's a bonus.  He was just GROSS!!  I basically have no life, though I have a decent life, if that makes any sense.  I just have no idea what I'm going to do with my life and I hate that.  I want definite answers and I want to know how things will end up.

Right now I have to do some more work though.

Good thing I was sitting

I just saw the weather forecast and Monday is supposed to be 75 degrees.  WHAT!!  I sure as hell hope so.  I will be SOOOO HAPPY if that is the case.  Woo hoo.

I'm so glad that I don't have to do anything today except clean my apartment, work from home, and teach aerobics.  I don't have to walk to school or any appointments, just 2 miles to the gym and back.  Ah, that feels so nice.

I'm vacuuming now.  I have a crazy weekend, starting off tomorrow morning and going until Tuesday.  I will look forward to Tuesday when I have to do nothing but clean, workout and work from home again. 

I don't remember what else I was going to write because I got side tracked.  Oh well.  I guess it's back to cleaning.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

WIW #8, Muffins, Anniversaries

Just as I suspected, Charro brought in HUGE blueberry muffins for us to eat.  Awesome.  She said, "It's really big so you don't have to eat the whole thing, but you need to eat 3/4 of it."  I was full after just picking at the top part.  I thought I was going to throw because I was so full.  She said, "I'm full so I can stop eating  because I don't have an eating disorder, but you have to keep going."  Um, that's so not fair.  I was full too!!

Oh yeah, the reason for the muffin...our 4 year anniversary.  I can't believe I went to see her for the first time four years ago today. Well, actually it was on Good Friday, but it was the 6th.  It was cold out and my friend who is moving far far away from me (wah :( ) came with me.  :(  I remember what I was wearing and I remember what Charro was wearing.  Clearly it was a traumatic day.

I'm still full from that damn muffin!!

Charro weighed me at the end.  She asked me if I wanted to do it on Friday but I said no because I was fully prepared to get weighed today.  Plus I had just eaten that muffin and drank a ton of water.  I had to take my 4 big pills with me because I have to take them with my breakfast, so that required water. :)  Charro was impressed with my pill taking skills.

I think she subtracted a lot of poundage from the scale today.  There is NO way that I didn't hit 103 with what I had on and having just eaten the muffin and drinking all of that water.  She wouldn't tell me what I weighed but I know it was more.  I could hear her moving the bar really far over.  She told me that I have to gain more weight.

Now I need to go to the gym.  I'm tired and my head feels weird, but maybe it's because I have new/different contacts in.  Who knows.  I'm going to hit the treadmill and probably vomit up my muffin while I'm running.

WIW #8 is over.  I guess there will be a WIW #9.  It's never ending.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Hit in the head...again

I got hit in the face/head by a basketball yesterday while I was sitting down doing stuff at school.  I wanted to say "Oh my nose," like Marcia Brady, but no one would have gotten it and I'm not sure anyone saw me get hit.  I got a headache and felt a bit nauseous after and was pretty sleepy on the train.  I could have been sleepy because I haven't been sleeping well, so who knows.  I didn't get hit in the head hard, I don't think, but my head has taken four too many blows too it and I've had too many concussions so everytime I get hit I freak out.  It didn't help that I had concussion symptoms after getting it.  Oh yeah, and when I got home and got out of my car, I was dizzy.  So now I'm trying to figure out if I feel weird or not.  I was fine at the gym this morning.  I have an eye appointment later so if my eyes don't dilate correctly, they'll know something's up.  So, I think my head feels a little weird right now, but I'm not sure.  Not good and it's scary. 

Tomorrow I have WIW #8 and breakfast with Charro.  She's bringing it and I don't know what it will be, which is scary, though I suspect she's going to bring muffins, which is really scary.   I will refuse to get on the scale until after consuming my breakfast and medicine.  (I have to take my pills with my breakfast which means I will bring them there, which means I will have to drink a lot of water).  I emailed Charro and offered to pick up breakfast myself, to take a load off of her, but she said it was no trouble for her.  (That was my attempt to pick up safe foods for us instead of whatever she is going to get for us.  I'm sure she is well aware of that).

Tomorrow should be interesting.  I don't think I weigh what I'm supposed to, well I KNOW I don't in real life but on her scale I don't think I will either.  We'll see.  I'll have to pick a good outfit to wear.

Monday, April 04, 2011

I walked, no questions asked

Is something messed up with Blogger or do people just have lives?  I think people just have lives because no one is updating their blogs.  Although, I've noticed in the past that when people don't update their blog, they're usually not doing well.  Hope that's not the case and everyone is just enjoying their lives.  Clearly I'm the loser of the bunch.

I walked to Charro's office and tried to clear my head.  It didn't really work.  She didn't ask me if I walked there.  Maybe she forgot she banned me from walking??  We talked about my friend moving, how sad I am, how I have no life and no purpose, yada yada. 

Wednesday is not only WIW 8 (UGH) where I "have to weigh 103), it's also our four year anniversary.  So, Charro is bringing in breakfast.  Awesome.  I know she's going to bring muffins, I just know it.  Ugh!!  She BETTER let me eat that damn thing before I get weighed.  That is for sure!!

I go a walkin'

I'm not supposed to walk to Charro's office on Monday's anymore, but I am.  I need to clear my head.  Let's be honest, I wasn't going to not walk anyway.  It's redic.  If the subway was free, I'd take it, but it's not so I will walk.

I'm heading to the gym soon.  I need to run and zone out and be sad. 

I'm not hungry.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

The tears may fall

One of my best friends/next door neighbor just told me that she's moving to California.  I'm so sad.  I don't want to talk about it or think about it because I'll start crying.  She's really the only person who knows everything about me.  She hooked me with up Charro because they used to work together.  I leave my scale in her apartment when I need to give it up.  We've gone on vacation together and can just got bust into each other's apartments at any time.  I'm sad.  I'm really sad.  I know I'll never see her because it's a long trip.  I don't know how expensive it is.  I'm happy for her, but I'm sad for me.  I don't know what else to say.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life.  I really don't.  I have a family who loves me, great friends and jobs, but what else?  I'm never going to find a husband or have kids.  I'll probably be disordered for the rest of my life.  Let's face it, I'm 33 years old and have been this way for 19 years, do we really think anything is going to change?  I'm not so optimistic on this one.  Not feeling so hopeful.

I definitely don't feel like eating at the moment.  I don't want my friend to know that because then she'll think it's her fault that I'm sad and don't want to eat, which it's not.  I don't think she would blame herself but who knows.  She's been (and will continue to be) such a good friend to me, but I feel like I kind of sucked as a friend.  She was always there for me and I tried to be there for her, I just don't know if I was so good at it.  I don't think I was.  Charro may see me cry for the first time tomorrow.  Maybe she won't fire me this week now, since I'm upset.

I guess that's all.  I'm going to go next door and hang out, though I'm not feeling like I'm going to be so fun to be around.

Tired eyes

I have to get moving but I don't want to.  My eyes are tired and I don't want to put my contacts in.  Why is it that when you can sleep in, you can't, and when you have to wake up, you just want to sleep in?  I've been waking up at 6:30 the past few days and there is no need for that.  I'd like to sleep.

I got a massage yesterday and now I'm sore.  Oh well.

ACM Awards are on tonight!! Yay!

Saturday, April 02, 2011

"Bones are not cool!"

That was a quote from Charro yesterday.  I was talking about my cat and how he gained a few ounces, which is good because he lost weight over the summer because of his kidney disease.  I noticed the weightloss in him over the summer and knew something was wrong.  I also noticed he recently gained a few ounces back since I started with the IV.  My point was that I could see a few ounces on my cat so people could see 5 pounds on me.  Charro said that I am so keyed into his weight and I'm hyper attuned because I'm worried about him and feeling him.  Then she goes, "People are not feeling you up and even if they were, you'd actually probably look better.  Bones are not cool!  It's not attractive.  It's not okay to be bony." 

I thought the "People are not feeling you up" statement was pretty hysterical.  I almost said, "Only at the airport."  Ha!  I like bones, but I'm not bony.  I'm not a walking bag of bones.  I don't know why she thinks I'm bones.  I'm definitely not bones.

She also told me that if I were in the program there then I would not be able to teach aerobics.  I was like, "But it's my job!"  She said then you wouldn't be able to work out the rest of the week, or something like that.

Friday, April 01, 2011

WIF #1, WI 7 over

I was told to remove my winter hat from my pants again today before stepping on the scale.  I told her I was going to go to Home Depot and get a brick before I came. :)  She asked me if I had weighed myself and I told her I did yesterday because I was scared that I wasn't going to weigh enough.  She told me that I could weigh myself on Monday of next week.  I was shocked by that.  I guess she wants me to stay on the right track or something.  Anyway, she weighed me and I told her I was listening so she screwed with me for a minute and then weighed me for real.  I got off and she said "You have to be 103 next week!"  I said, "What am I?"  She said, "I don't know yet."  I said, "You don't know yet?  You just weighed me."  She said, "But I haven't accounted for your studded jeans and everything else."  Haha.  Oh, and before I got on the scale she goes, "I know you drink a ton of water."  I said, "I always drink a ton of water.  I'm not drinking more before I get weighed."  She's like, "It will all even out, you know."  I said, "I know.  I'm not trying to trick you by drinking water."

I also told her that I think she's probably really happy when I can't make it to a sesh.  She wanted to know why.  I said, "Because you're probably sick of me and you don't have to listen to my shananigans when I'm not here."  She asked if I really think that and if I think that she doesn't like having me there.  I said, "Well, everyone likes to get an extra hour off of work so why wouldn't you be happy?"  She said that she likes her job so she doesn't feel that way and then wanted to know if I was sick of myself and was projecting that on her.  No, I'm not sick of myself.  I like myself most of the time. ;)  I think I'm quite humorous.  She said, "I like you a lot." 
 We discussed Kruger too.  I told Charro how I started thinking about having my cats and when I'm going to have to put them to sleep and I got really sad.  I told her that Kruger wouldn't be sad because she has no feelings and is a "salad picker."  She wanted to know what that meant but I can't really define "salad picker."  She thought it meant that she picks at salads, which is what anyone would think, but I mean it more as a personality trait, like she looks the snooty (for lack of a better word because she wasn't snooty), type who would just pick at things.  There's more to it but I can't figure it out.  I just know that in my head that's the perfect description of her.  Charro laughed and said, "I'm just laughing because I know her and she's nothing like that.  She's a really good baker."  Um, okay.

So, that was that.  I was told I have to eat more and eat meals and keep eating more.  I asked her what would happen if I was not 103 next week and I don't remember what she said, but she didn't say I was fired.  Maybe she said, "you have to get there."