Friday, July 17, 2009

3 minutes to spare

My sesh with Charro was pretty good, I guess. I told her that "Now" wanted her phone number and wanted to call her. She wanted to know why and I said "I don't know." She said, "Do you bloggers think you are lying to me or not telling me everything?" I said, "I don't know." I said, "I think they just want me to talk to you like I do on my blog, but I just babble and say whatever comes out of my head." I think it was toward the end of that conversation when I sat up and said "I've gotta go." She looked at me like "what?" and said "You leave when the going gets tough?" I said, "No, I sent you an email last night saying I had to leave early so you wouldn't think I was skipping out."

I can't wait to listen to our sesh because there are a lot of things in there I want to hear. Then I will be able to write more about it.

I didn't go blueberry picking because it closed at 1 PM. Grr. I can't take my niece now because they are going away tomorrow. I saw some clients, picked up my new computer...which SUCKS!! It does this thing where it types over itself and the curser moves all over the place and opens windows by itself. My other computer does that too. IT SUCKS so I am giving it back to the IT guy in my office on Monday. WTF??? It's new so it should NOT be messed up. It was pissing me off when I was booking my Italy trip today.

How many times can I mention that I love "Bertha!" My weight is great on this scale. I will check tomorrow to see if it's accurate. I'll test it out on the Wii when I'm home alone. Last time I checked it was right on. I don't know why it says I've lost weight because I haven't, but I will take it.

Oh, and I made the train with 3 minutes to spare. Good think I left Charro's early.

Oh, and Charro thinks I should tell my primary doc that I have an ED. I don't think so, She can figure it out on her own if something comes up weird. She wants me to have a bone density scan, I had one a few years ago, my bones were awesome, according do the doc who did it. She didn't say "awesome" but I can't remember her exact words. I am so not saying anything to my doc, that's for sure.


Zena said...

ohhh Ohhhh...canI get in on the calling charro bandwagon, because my dear its not that we dont think you are honest, you are as honest as your ED lets you be..and that of course is limited, it always is, unless you are in full commitment to rid yourself of your ED, which my dear you are not. bEcause if you were you would not do things like deny your doctor of the information that I see being cruial for your health you are ANOREXIC..just a little fyi :) Charro is right you do need a bone density scan, you are right your bones may be fine cause you do work out allot and that helps (mine were okay...not awesome like yours but okay) and they said it was mainly due to teh fact that I rarely restricted diary products and I ran...allot...useing the bones builds them up...I guess?? anyway have you gone back and looked through your posts yet, I think you should print up the one that NOW, wrote her summery of your behaviors, and give it to charro, I think that would be a good first step... what do you think?

sorry you didnt get to go bluberrie picking ..I hate when you have let downs like that...what else did you guys do?

Love Z

lisalisa said...

have you ever thought about letting Charro read selected posts from your blog? Then she might get a really accurate picture of whet is going on and be better able to help you? Or maybe you just want to keep this a safe place hwere you can be yourself without worrying about what Charro would think. Hmm.

I'm really sorry you didn't get to go berry picking!

I eat pizza but usually go "half cheese" on it. Iv'e been tempted to order no cheese but I didn't want the people i was with to look at me funny. But I guess people in NY order it all kinds of ways. I have always wanted to visit NY in the fall! i bet it is awesome! said...

I lied to docs for years. Trust me, most primary doctors won't figure anything out unless you tell them something. First of all, most likely nothing will come back weird for a couple of reasons: 1) A lot of people with EDs (even very low weigh anorexics) end up having not-that-off lab results which really messes up their treatment. and 2) Doctors don't look for things that might me off due to an ED unless they know to look for it. I flat out lied to SO MANY doctors for so long. One day, I didn't tell my doctor "I have an eating disorder" but I did tell him "I have gone through phases when I don't really eat that much." This prompted an entirely different type of appointment. Then again, it takes a good doctor to know to take "not eating that much" seriously. I once ahd a doctor that said "just eat a litlte more - like another serving of vegetables at every meal." Everyone thought I was lying when I told them the doctor told me to just eat more vegetables.

It'd be hard to tell your primary doc that you have an ED. It might be easiest if Charro tells the doctor.

Anwyay, it sounds like your last appointment with Charro was getting closer to "real" and "honest." When do you go back to her next? Today? Keep trying to be honest. Tell her I still want to talk to her (b/c I do). And continue the conversation from last time. Tell her that you don't know how to put an end to this weight/exercise/food obsession and, yet, at the same time, you're afraid that ending the obsession would make you fat. Tell her exactly what you would write here.

Hope you're having a good day!

PTC said...

Hey Z,

Yeah, I am sure my bones are fine. I don't starve myself like all of you guys think I do. I've never lost my period, so my bones should be fine.

I did go back and read my old posts and didn't think there was anything that bad about them. I was trying to find info for charro as to why I started freaking out about my weight but came up with nothing other than my weight.

Hey Lisa,

I used to send Charro some posts in the past, but stopped doing that. She would rather have me talk about them than read them. I guess if I'm not going to talk about them, then she'd rather read them than not know what's going on.

The girls and i hung out and went in the pool. Maybe we can get to picking before they leave. THey are leaving my house tomorrow though. :(

Now, I see her Monday morning at 9! I don't think I'll be telling my doc anything about my ED anytime soon b/c it's really not that bad. She did say, last year, "Your cholesterol is up, and it is high, and you lost weight since last time." That was about it. Charro doesn't need to call her and tell her. That would just be weird.

I'm sure i'll go in on Monday and talk about nothing when I see her.

How was your doc appt. different when you said that to him?