Saturday, July 25, 2009


I was hanging out with my next door neighbor last night, who happens to be one of my good friends by the way, and she and I were talking about body weight and stuff. (She happens to be a psychologist and is well aware of my eating issues). So, we were talking and I asked her (this was not a random question, she was talking about it, but not about me) if she could really tell if someone was at 85% of their body weight. She said yes. I said, "I don't look like I'm at 85%" and she said "I can tell your underweight because your face looks really thin." I didn't say anything, but walked over to the mirror to look. She said "You love that I said that, don't you? You're having a party right now." I said nothing but then started laughing because she was right. She said "I totally called you out on that." It was kind of a funny thing.

So, today I stopped by when I got back from the beach. I said, "okay, I'm going to go make dinner." She asked me what I was going to make and I didn't want to answer her. I paused for a second and said "A protein shake or veggies." She responded with, "You used to eat real dinners." I had no response. It was a little sad, actually. I did say, "Well, I don't have any food and I like my shakes." She just gave me a look.

I had a lot to eat tonight. I had my shake, some spinach, fruit, and lots of kettle corn. That was a lot of food and I think I'm still hungry. What that??

The beach was fun but we had to get out of the water because the undertoe and riptide was too dangerous. Lifeguards made everyone get out, then eventually let us go back in, but only up to our knees. It was pretty rough out there, but I had SO much fun playing in the waves when we were allowed to. We saw the lifeguards go out and "rescue" someone. I don't know how in danger the person was, but the lifeguards hustled out and got her.

So, that's that. I feel fat a little bit and I want to weigh myself, but I won't.


kristin said...

I'm glad you had fun at the beach. :)

PTC said...

Thanks! said...

I like your neighbor. And I'm kind of glad you felt a little sad when you had to tell her what you are eating. It is sad. I wish you cared about you as much as I care about you....

Your food seems like a lot b/c it was multiple items - but no one item was actually a lot. It might have been a lot by volume but not by actual nutrition.

(And I'm commenting right now instead of hiking.... long story - actually - not that long. I'll tell you later)

Eating Alone said...

Like my T tell's me "A protein shake is not real food." and like you I'll add the vegies, popcorn is too much for me right now, that way leads to bad things. She alway's say's that I have to follow the plan, don't give in to ED behavior. My last blood test's came back and most things were fine but I'm now anemic so they know I'm not following my plan.
Blood doesn't lie. Take care of yourself.

PTC said...

Hey EA,

My blood tests have all been normal, so that's a good thing. :) Charro would say the same thing to me. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you can get some nutrition in you to reverse your anemia. (Can you reverse it? I think so since it's an iron thing)

Eating Alone said...

Yes, I can reverse it. I just have to take a pill and start eating right. They say it so easy. I've been getting all my protein from shakes or chicken breast/eggs. Chicken is a safe food. I hate having safe food's but when I shop and buy "risky" food's I end up throwing them out after a week or so. They sit there in the fridge and I think see I'm challenging myself. I really hate this ED thing.

I do like reading your blog and the other's I read. I though I was total nuts when I started seeing this ED behavior, it seem's like I'm not alone anymore.

PTC said...

You're definitely NOT alone, EA. You are not nuts either. You should try and eat one of your "risky" foods!