Friday, March 20, 2009

The door is closed

I've kind of closed up shop when it comes to talking to people about my thoughts, fears, and ED stuff as of late. I guess that's a good thing because no one really wants to hear anything about it. No one wants to hear about my crap and deal with that. No one should have to hear about it. So now I just don't talk about any of it. I guess I don't really have anyone to talk to about it anyway. I mean I have Charro, but that's about it. I'm not going to talk to my friends about anything. So, I'm done talking. Sometimes I wish I could see Charro everyday.

At least I have this place...

16 comments:

Jena said...

Well I'm really glad you're going to talk to us.

I'm not sure abandoning your friends is a good idea. Did something happen? Did someone make you feel like they don't want to hear about it?

PTC said...

No, nothing happened, just been feeling like that lately. No one wants to hear about it. Why should I bother other people!?

Jena said...

Why do you think nobody wants to hear about it? Do you think it's a bother when people talk to you? Friends are there for one another because they have a bond with you, and accept you, no matter what. These guys care about you, and I think if they knew you felt this way, they'd be really sad. (((PTC)))

PTC said...

Because, it just brings people down and they don't want to hear it. They don't want to hear about my problems.

I don't think it's a bother at all when people talk to me. I am honored when they do. I only have one friend right now who I can't bare to listen to about her ED behaviors.

Jena said...

I think your friends probably feel exactly like you do- honored that you would trust them to share what's going on in your life.

It doesn't "bring people down". It isn't your responsibility to keep them "up" anyway. I think it's a given that people are responsible for themselves with whether or not they're able to be objective rather than "take on" our issues to themselves.

That's besides the point. Personally, I warmly welcome people into my life who want to talk about their issues because I'm really open too. I need to talk also. I can't talk about me, if they're not willing to talk about them. It only becomes a problem for me if they start becoming dependent or needy or clingy- and I have only really met 1 person like that.

I know I'm just one person, but I'm pro-friendship, so I thought you should get my take on it ;)

PTC said...

I totally understand what you're saying, SJ, and you have good points. I love when my friends open up to me, I just feel like I can't do that. I feel like the people I could talk to have their own issues they have to deal with and I don't want to burden them with mine. Plus, some of those people are trying to recover from EDs so I don't want to bring them down or sabotage them in anyway.

I guess I really wasn't one for opening up too much anyway so it's not really a big loss.

Jena said...

It is definitely harder to open up to someone who is having some troubles of their own, UNLESS they are like, your best friend or something. I can do that with my best friend, but not everyone. We've known each other forever and know everything about each other and I mean EVERYTHING. But with everyone else... yah. I do get it. And when it's people who are trying to recover and you're having a day when you're not in the same place as them, it can be a bit of a conflict of interest. But just remember not to totally write off your friends and automatically think that people don't want to hear from you about what is going on in your life, k? 'Cause that's really extreme!

PTC said...

I don't know, I think I'll just not talk about anything anymore. That seems like the easiest/best route to take.

Ugh, I need to brush my teeth. Blah!

samegirl said...

As much as people care they really dont understand eds (and why should they?)they can offer the most heartfelt but shallow advice and really mean well..its so not helpfull anyway....you may change your mind down the road..but at least you are talking to the people who understand eds and know about them.

PTC said...

Exactly, SG, but I think I'm just done talking to anyone.

Zena said...

((((PTC))))

I know no one but us can understand the pain of an ED and the advice given can seem so see through but dont give up at least keep talking to us...we get it and we love you...

with much love and care

Z

ps...thankyou so much for being a voice of reason for me...its much needed

((((PTC)))

PTC said...

I won't give up talking to you guys, talking here, that's for sure.

As for you, I am going to keep being tough on you!!!

Zena said...

thanks babe...I need some tough love right now...thanks for not giving up on me!!!

love you

Z

PTC said...

No prob.

Jackie said...

I want to listen - to everything honey. You don't bring me down at all. The purpose of your blog - to write how you feel and hopefully a comment every now and then gives you some type of support. I love you so much and wish you weren't in such pain.

xoxo

PTC said...

Thanks so much Jax. I'll keep blogging, don't you worry, I'm just not going to do any talking to my friends in "real life," (meaning the ones I see in person). I know you guys can choose not to read if you don't want to but if I'm talking, I don't think one of my friends would be like "Shut up." Therefore, I'm just not going to talk.