Monday, December 15, 2008

Why so glum?

I am not happy today? Why? I don't know. Maybe because I'm pissed at my sister for what she's doing to her family and how she's fucking it all up. Maybe because she is so skinny and I am not and I want to be. I need to take a picture of her skinny body with no legs and no ass. It's not fair. The only thing she has are boobs and that's because they're fake. Another thing that bothers me. I'm not in favor of fake boobs.

So I'm not in a good mood and I don't feel like I am hiding it well from my family. I need to do a better job. Charro would ask, "why do you need to hide it?" Because I don't want to explain why I'm in a bad mood because it's stupid. I can't say that I'm fat and my sister is skinny!! I can't really do that.

16 comments:

Tash said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are not feeling good about yourself. Have you always felt bigger than your sister?

I was wondering why you are so angry at your sister for the breakdown of her marriage? Is it really her fault? Is it the worst thing to happen for her and her children? I don't know any of the circumstances but my immediate thought was to think about how she is feeling.

Just questions that don't need answers.

I hope your day gets/got better. :o)

Palmtreechick said...

Yep, always have until this summer when she was a bit bigger.

I am angry at my sister because I the breakdown of her marriage is 80% her fault.

Tash said...

And is your day getting better?

Palmtreechick said...

Not yet. Should it be?

:)

Tash said...

No, I was just wondering! Your title was 'Why So Glum'. When I was entrenched in my ED my mood would swing wildly, so I just wondered that's all.

Palmtreechick said...

Nah, not an ED mood swing...well maybe a little.

Sarah said...

Charro tomorrow?

Palmtreechick said...

Yes, and wed and fri.

Jackie said...

Ugh I am sorry. I completely understand about the sister thing. I am sorry sweetie :( Try to remember you need to take care of YOU right now and don't let your sister's appearance lead you to restrict even more. Your little body can't afford it!!! xoxo

Tash said...

I hope I didn't upset you with my comments earlier. I was just reflecting on how I used to feel and wondered if you were experiencing some of the same symptoms. I didn't mean to invalidate how you are feeling.

Palmtreechick said...

Ugh Jax, I would feel so much better if I just lost weight right now. Funny how that works.

No Tash, you did not upset me. Not at all. No worries.

Jackie said...

But you wouldn't feel better honey because it will never be enough. One pound, two pounds, three? It will never be enough to make you happy..it is so frustrating but that is what makes an eating disorder so complicated. Please take care of yourself sweetie. I am sorry you are struggling right now :(

zubeldia said...

honey. my sister is currently in the midst of leaving her husband. They've been married for 20 years. They have a 7 year old little girl and my sister is up and leaving with her daughter in tow, and moving back to the UK (theyre in the US right now). I was very angry at first. Her husband is a sweet, sweet guy. But, you know, it doesn't matter how nice a chap he is, my sis is deeply unhappy. Staying in a marriage that is bringing about misery is no way to live.. and I've had to remind myself that my sister has one life, she needs to do what she needs to do, she needs to be happy.

AND she lost a lot of weight! She is very thin to start with, but the stress and guilt of her leaving ruined her appetite and she is VERY underweight. My sis does NOT have an ed... she is simply under a great deal of stress even though this is her decision.

I'm sharing this with you because you need to realize, I think, that your sister's weight loss is NOT A GOOD THING. Hon, she is probably depressed and feeling a whole lot of guilt. No one breaks up their family without a great deal of anxiety, sadness, and stress.

Buddy, focus on yourself, focus on what you need to do, and focus on the freedom you'll feel when you move further and further away from the ed. Sweety, you don't need to compare yourself with your sister. You're good as you are - though you weighing a bit more would make you even better :)

Love Z

Palmtreechick said...

It is frustrating!! I'm done trying to gain weight though, that's for sure.

Quick response to you Zuby, as I'm running out the door. My sis is "in love" with her neighbor. This is what I'm mad at. I wouldn't be mad at her if she just wanted to get a divorce for other reasons, but I am so pissed at her because of this.

I'm sorry about your sister, but you're right, she needs to do what's going to make her happy!!

hungry for hunger said...

"I'm done trying to gain weight though," dude, what does one have to do with the other? You and what is healthy for your body are wholly unrelated to your sister. Charro's totally going to kick your ass if you're not careful.

But yeah, your sister sounds like she might be a bit of a space cadet.

Palmtreechick said...

Not really, h4h. Now I need to be thinner, not fatter.

My sis isn't a space cadet, just an ass right now.