Monday, June 25, 2007

Um...okay

I just read the post I wrote the other night. I'm actually really tempted to take it down, not because that's not how I feel but because I don't want everyone in the world to see that. I look at it and think that's fucked up, so I can just imagine what you all are thinking.

Ughhhhh...

Maybe Charro was right. Maybe I am psychotic.

17 comments:

Sarah said...

I don't think you're psychotic. I think you're at war with your body and I totally relate to that. I related to everything you wrote in that post (so I really hope you aren't psychotic, ha).

I hope you are feeling a bit better. I understand wanting to take that post down. Even if you do, I'm glad you put it out there because I think it's important to be honest with ourselves about our feelings. It's hard but it's so important.

xoxo
Sarah

PalmTreeChick said...

Thanks Sarah! Still working on shedding 8 million pounds.

t said...

That's definitely not fucked up. That's something we all feel and experience and go through every now and then. :)

PalmTreeChick said...

Thanks T.

Soledad said...

ummm Charro called you psycotic????

PalmTreeChick said...

Well, she said something about psychosis but I don't really know what she meant. I don't really think she called me psychotic.

Soledad said...

ok...good. I was like...ummm........
Anyways I hope you are having a good day:)


xoxox

Sole

PalmTreeChick said...

I'm not really sure what she meant. I need to ask her when I see her again in like 10 years.

disordered girl said...

We MIGHT think that, except that we've all been there my friend. That's why we are here. No worries, we won't have you committed!

Feisty Frida said...

Psychotic no, but you do have a problem....you need to stop weighing yourself, it's not real weight that you gain and lose, it's water, and it plays such a huge negative roll in your life, over water PTC, water. I can't even write anymore, b/c you need to keep seeing Charro and get this through your head. Please throw out your scale, just do it.

PalmTreeChick said...

Thanks DG. That's good to hear!

I don't even feel like discussing it with Charro anymore, FF. I'm sick of talking about it. I am so NOT throwing away my scale either.

æ said...

hi PTC,
I want to doubt that Charro called you psychotic, and I think it's AWESOME to talk about stuff like that with counselors--it can really deeped your relationship to ask for clarification.

Also, THANK YOU for posting your last post.

I read it and realized that I have been in that exact spot before. And I got to realize that
1. I was not brave enough to share it with others like you

2. I've gotten a lot better, and want to live again.

I know you'll find that too.

lots of support,
ae

Dr. Deb said...

Body image and eating disorders are very difficult issues. They skew reality.

I hope you can find your way to love who you are, whatever size, shape, etc. Your health may depend on it.

PalmTreeChick said...

Thanks AE. It wasn't a hard post to write the other night, as I was so pissed off and crazed, but it's hard for me to read now, even though I can still relate to it completely and I'm still trying to not eat so I can lose weight.

Thanks, Dr. Deb.

Feisty Frida said...

I agree with Dr Deb. Throwing out your scale could be the freedom you've forgotten, b/c it's been so long since you've felt it.

PalmTreeChick said...

That scale is attached to my hip...which is getting bigger and bigger.

Feisty Frida said...

Think of the extra weight that scale is adding on, physically and mentally...it must weigh at least 5lbs!! ;)