Tuesday, June 13, 2006


This is probably the most difficult post I've done thus far. It's me...exposed. I am honestly speechless right now. (that's a first). I guess it would be easier for me to post a picture of what I want to look like, rather than what I do look like. Atleast that way I'd have something to write about.

All right, let me give this a shot...my upper body, though you can't really see it, is too muscular. My arms are too big, as in fat and muscular. Honestly though, I don't think my stomach looks that bad. But, I'm also having a good day, meaning that I weighed myself and the numbers are down. Ask me what I think of the picture later and my opinion could totally change. I know that I do not look like that. I see myself when I look in the mirror and it's not a pretty site. Fat!

Okay, let's get down to the nitty gritty though. I have love handles. They're not as visible in this picture as they are in person. I also have a fat pouch on my stomach, below my belly ring.

(Picture has been deleted)

Overall, I look at this picture and think that my stomach does not look like that. It must have been taken in good lighting, a slimming mirror or something because I have fat rolls and love handles. I want a 6-pack, my ribs to stick out, and my hip bones to stick out. I want to be thin as a rail. I want my clavicles and my chest bones to be exposed. I just want to lose 10 pounds and then I think I would be "perfect."

Oh, I can't believe I am actually posting this. I may vomit!


Emily Jolie said...

Alright, PTC. I know you honestly believe you are fat. Thing is, we all have fat in our bodies. We NEED the fat! We wouldn't be able to live without it!

Sweetheart, I hate to break it to you, but you have a body that most women would cut off their right hand for! You've got abs, you've got a flat stomach, and you've got arms that are strong (nowhere near fat!), which allow you to do great things with them - like play sports, help an injured friend...!! I so wish you could see what I see! You're absolutely perfect, and, believe me, thinner would NOT look better!

Also, Heather makes a great point about the consequences of self-talk, and I, too, would LOVE it if you spoke more kindly of yourself! After all, this is my friend you are insulting! ;) I've noticed you use the word *hate* a lot. It carries such a strong vibrational energy, and you attract into your life what you put out. Would you consider replacing it with "softer" words?

I know all kinds of people tell you how great you look, and you don't believe them. You're even trying to convince yourself that what this image is showing isn't the reality. But, honey, you look absolutely fabulous, and I so wish you'll be able to recognize that! Just think about all the amazing things your body has done and continues to do for you!

I just thought of a question... WHY is it that you want to be thinner? What is it you think would change in your life if you were thinner? Would you feel better in your body? Would others respect you more? Would you be happier?

One more question: if I had written that I agreed with you, that you ARE fat and disgusting... would that make you feel more like I was telling you the "truth"? Do you think anyone looking at your picture really might think you are fat?

I hope I'm not being too harsh in my comment. I have to admit, I feel like I want to shake you up for you to see what I see: a beautiful, thin, athletic, toned body!

By the way, I'd love to see the face that goes with that body! ;)

big hug,


PalmTreeChick said...

Hey Emily!

Thank you for the wonderful comment and compliments. To answer your questions, I want to be thinner for me. I think I am too fat right now, so I feel that if I lose 10 lbs I will be skinny and like myself more. I think that would be just enough weight to lose. I want my bones to stick out. I think I would feel better in my body. Right now I look at myself and get disgusted.

If you told me that I looked fat in that picture, I'd feel like you'd be seeing what I see. Although, I actually don't think that picture is all that bad. I don't really think I look like that in real life though. I know I don't. I think people that look at me, like when I'm in my bathing suit, would think I am fat.

I will try using less harsh words in my posts, but sometimes my feelings are just so strong that "hate" is the only word that suits how I feel about my body.

So, that's that.

thank you again for all your words, Emily.


Jennifer said...

Oh my gosh. You have no idea what I'd be willing to sacrifice for your body... Seriously...beautiful, athletic and toned. Those are the words that come to my mind. I guess it just goes to show that we're never really happy with what we've got, eh?

PalmTreeChick said...

thanks, Jennifer.
Sometimes I think I look okay, but most of the time I don't. I actually am "okay" with that picture, and that surprised me.

You're right though, we're never happy. :(

Rex Allen Brewer said...

The problem is that we look at ourselves from a different angle. A slight curve that shows up in a picture is a mountain hanging on our side from out point of view. Believe this, from a stranger,any less of you would be criminal.

PalmTreeChick said...

Thanks Rex. I'll try to remember that.

Thanks for stopping by.

Anonymous said...

Hi! I just read this and I have to say that how you feel about yourself is EXACTLY the same way I feel about myself. (I have to ask myself if you wrote that blog, or did I? LOL) I want the bones sticking out, (hip/clavacle), as well as the extra 10 pounds lost. We all see ourselves differently, and you need to be happy with yourself; despite how others see you. I hope you find that happy place....I'm still looking....

PalmTreeChick said...

Hey Anon,

Unfortunately we have something in common. I hope you can find that happy place as well. I think we both might need a map or GPS to help us. :)